Through out my relationship with my husband he has spoken to a specific woman occasionally. Before he met me she was saying things like she wanted to leave her husband for him and there were feelings involved both ways. Again before he met me she decided to work on her relationship with her husband and they remained friends.
My husband and I met and started dating. I met her once. When I was in the early stages of pregnancy with our daughter I found messages on my husbands phone where they were flirting, he was complimenting her chest and things like that. I confronted my then boyfriend about it and he said it wouldn't happen again. Over the course of our relationship they have drifted in and out of contact. He has hidden messages and deleted messages between the two of them. I found today more messages where she is inviting him to meet up and they are discussing threesomes and other sexual things, not outright dirty but not something you should be talking to someone not your partner about as far as I'm concerned. He thinks he has done nothing wrong that it isn't cheating. Am I overreacting? I'm so angry at him and it makes me feel so horrible in myself.
I don't trust him right now- there is other reasons for that as well (he hid drug use from me, has been drinking excessively on days off and yeah).
Husband help... am I overreacting
Husband help... am I overreacting
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
23 Replies
No, it’s not cheating BUT it is over stepping so many boundaries and creating massive trust issues. You have every right to be furious.
Not over reacting. You are under reacting.
Of course he is going to say he’s done nothing wrong, but if that was the case he wouldn’t be trying to hide his behaviour.
Problem is, people like your husband chip away at what you’d accept and before you know it your boundaries and what you’d accept in a relationship has been trampled over and your in a disaster of a relationship.
Exactly!!!
I wouldnt trust him either. Hes well crossed the line. If that isnt cheating then hes one of those tools that falls into vaginas with absolutely no idea how it happened.
I wouldn’t trust him either. Def plans to cheat if he hasn’t already.
He showed you who he was from the beginning and has no plans on changing it.
Even before he met you, he thought it was okay to meddle with a married woman.
He’s a piece of scum, you are and have underreacted in my opinion.
If I ever met a man who told me he was into a married woman in the past, I would have run, it shows his character.
Don’t waste anymore time on this loser.
Yep, we’ve got to stop making excuses for guys in the early stages of relationships.
Yes have you ever really thought what he was doing to have a married woman ready to leave her husband and then started something with you at the same time.
Yup, ignore the red flags at your peril.
Of course he wouldn't think it was okay if you were doing the same with someone else! Are there kids involved?
Hey all, I just want to clarify that when he was originally talking to her she was in the stages of seperating from her husband. I still don't think what happened was right but I do believe people are imperfect and can try to be better. He and I met AFTER they had decided to be just friends I just think they blur the line too much.
I have a child from a previous relationship and he and I have one child together as well.
Thanks all for your replies.
He did do it then and he’s still doing it now.
That’s what they told you are you sure they wasn’t the reason for the separation. Either way im
Sorry to say he is cheating and still lying to you, why else do they have an on off friendship like lovers do 🤮He will never give you the truth. don’t be naive. Stick with your gut.You know what’s happening that’s why you are on here. Only you can decide what you are going to do. Just remember there is nothing wrong with you and everything wrong with him.
Early stages of separating and there’s a man ready to pounce 🤮 he’s not telling you the truth and unfortunately you loved him and believe in him. You won’t get the truth.
I think there are a lot of issues here. You said yourself you "dont trust him right now".
He denies he was done anything wrong, in this he is failing to value your feelings. Also if he has done this and denies anything wrong how can he work towards building your trust back? If you dont trust him, and he doesnt care to regain that trust what are you doing there?🤷♀️
Denying any wrongdoing is a huge flag to me that hes done it before and will do it again and is just bullshitting you. A normal partner would say how is this wrong, what do you not like about this and there would be transparency and no issue.
A cheater denies, and when pushed with real evidence plays it down and lies.
Im sorry to say it sounds like you trust him but I think youre going to find out theres much more here and its been going on on and off throughout your whole relationship.
Would he like you having the exact same conversation with a Male friend?
Of course he won’t tell the truth he sounds like he is still using drugs and has probably been sleeping with her on and off. I think there is so much more he is hiding from you. Lying, drugs and alcohol. It doesn’t take rocket science unfortunately. I would be long gone with just the msgs alone. You wouldn’t write those things to just anyone. It’s so disgraceful to you and let’s face it, if the dirty hoe was offering it, he would be taking it. I’d say he’s using drugs still behind your back and has been there more than once with her. He sounds like a lying grub and do not ever make him make you feel awful in yourself. The problem is him.
Red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Firstly he’s been sleeping with her all this time on and off and he’s still using!
Secondly he will never admit to what he has done, they never do. No matter what!
You are his safety and security! Ditch his ass he is a dirty dog! Don’t invite the flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Don’t ignore the flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩 the problem is him , NOT YOU!!
He is still hiding the drug use and more.. RUN!!! He’s already been with her more then once. You know it.
I have many male friends. We go for dinner, hang out both on my own and with my husband. They are some of my best friends.
Not once have we ever talked about my breast or our sex lives. It is a friendship and we all respect our partners. I love their wives/partners as they do my family.
What you are describing to me is not a friendship but two people who have unfinished business and are over stepping the mark at every opportunity. I 100% would not trust this “friendship”.
Regardless of what you choose to do stop letting him tell you that you’re over reacting. Stop letting him tell you how YOU should feel. How YOU should think. If you think it’s cheating THEN IT’S CHEATING! He doesn’t get to tell you how you feel. That’s gaslighting. He’s doing it to diminish the severity of the situation which further proves you are not over reacting. Tell him to pull his head in before he loses everything he loves. Stand up for yourself and be strong in your convictions. It’s emotional cheating and to me personally that’s way worse than sex. He’s in the wrong. Don’t let him tell you he’s not.