Hi IMs! So my 11.5 year old daughter has just told me that she is bisexual. She left a note where I have my coffee that said 'I am bi'. I took a photo of it and sent it to her ipad and said 'okay :)'. She replied with a smiley face. My question - what do I do now? Do I ask questions? Educate her? Has anyone else been here and can offer me some guidance - what did you do/wish you did differently? Do I try and gage her understanding of sexuality? Do kids this young know their sexual orientation? I'm very open and accepting. My children have been raised in a household where the belief is that 'love is love' and we openly discuss all types of relationships. She recently started her period, my baby is growing up before my eyes, but I wasn't expecting this, at least not for another few years. I don't want to mess up!
9 Replies
My daughter told me when she was 13 that she was bi. I was relieved actually, because I thought she was trying to tell me she was pregnant as she struggled to tell me for about 5 minutes 😂. I honestly didn't do a thing. I don't know if that was right or wrong but she's now an adult and had a few relationships with both sexes. I think it's ok to do nothing, if she told you she was straight would you be doing anything extra?
Leave her alone. Let her process. She obviously trusts you enough to talk to you when she needs to. So you have already done a wonderful job with her. Just let her figure this out. All you can really do is stand back and catch her for her first heart break
I feel like it'll be a bit of an elephant in the room if it's not spoken about.
Personally, I'd try and chat with her about it, such as " I'm really happy that you can share personal things with me and I'm really proud of you. Would you like to talk to me about the letter you left me?"
Then just let her guide the conversation.
If she doesn't want to talk or has no questions, assure her that that's completely fine but you're always available if and when she does.
If she does want to talk about it, just listen, be open minded and supportive.
Other that that, just go about it all as usual. Teach her about healthy relationships, personal boundaries, consent, safe sex etc. Obviously you don't need to bombard her with that all at once or before she's ready but just gradually start introducing these concepts as an ongoing conversation.
NO, you do NOTHING. Nothing at all regarding her being bisexual. Educate her the same way you would regarding normal things like STIs and protection but that’s about it.
We assume people are straight and never have a conversation with them about it or what their preferences are. Yet we make some big whoop about someone liking the same genders.
Ask her if she has a crush, or a boyfriend or girlfriend. Id predict thats the level this is at for an 11 year old, but regardless it will open the conversation.
I'd probably just mention something like "hey, I really appreciated your note and if you ever need to do that again, I am so happy for you to do that (write notes). Always remember I am here of you need me. And if you'd like tk chat to me about it again, I am always here" and leave it at that
You just do what you would normally do.
Be open and honest with your kids.
Teach them about respectful relationships and body autonomy.
I have done nothing different with my 2 children that happen to be gay.
What do you do now? You love her like normal. You support her like normal. You support her like normal. Tell her you are there whenever she needs to talk, without judgement.
My daughter did the same at 13.
Just love her.
I think you should get worried, and let her know that you are worried. She needs to be educated and prepared for the high likely hood of serious mental illiness which is very prevalent in the LGBTI community. So do you.
She may decide knowing the very real consequences of being bi.
Things like
No sleepovers with female or male friends from now until after school.
That other girls may not want to be her friend in fear of being hit on.
That she will get called names.
That boys won't want to date her because they will just assume she is a lesbian.
It's also really important that you teach her sexuality is a choice as much as the LGBTI community says it isn't the science says it's in large a choice.
Obviously a choice that you will support.