So, wondering how much control we have over our 18 year olds. Mine has just turned 18 and I have tried to let them choose their own path but they aren’t making smart choices. I’m angry, disappointed and worried. I get they want freedom and have a good time. I was there once too but it’s like the second they turned 18 they let loose in a big way. Do other parents still have rules and boundaries or just let them live their lives no matter what?
6 Replies
Letting loose is what I’d expect of an 18 year old. As long as they are respectful and functioning at school/uni/work I wouldn’t intervene.
I let mine live their life but they still need to abide by house rules just like all adults. As far as decision making, money spending, partying it's all them. You can guide and counsel but you can't control.
At 18 I was going to pubs/clubs/parties/hanging out with friends in between studying and working.
My parents left it up to us with a couple of polite suggestions.
It’s the age where you learn real world consequences and you just have to hope they don’t do anything too stupid.
When my daughter was 18, for the first 12 months ( now 19) she run a muck! Getting drunk, a little sleeping around, slack on the job front.... I sat back, worried, comforted, reminder her of the way she was raised, encourage work, reminder no drinking and driving just to call or text I’ll get her, made sure all sexual activity was protected (made she had condoms and got her pill) and then one day, she got a full time job doing what she loves working on a dairy farm, she moved to Victoria and is now a happy successful young lady for the last few months.
You’ve got no control over an 18 year old. They can smoke, drink, drive and own a car, they’re expected to work and have the ability to get a rental and vote.
My mum tried this. I moved out of home at 17 because I was no longer going to be her slave, free babysitter etc I had been working since the age of 14.
When you turn 18 you should be allowed to have the freedom to make bad decisions. Parents are only there to guide you once you hit 18. Let them have their freedom, guide them and show them the way. You don’t need to control them or their actions even if it’s something you don’t like!!
I was an absolute menace at 18. Had moved out, was getting blind/blackout drunk, barely passing uni, hardly working.
Lasted until I was 20 then moved away from the city I was in to the town my sister was in.
At 20 I met my now husband, we drank and partied hard until 25
26 we grew up, we got engaged, bought a house, got married, had 2 kids.
I’m now 36 and I went back to uni at 30 when my 1st baby was 1, I finished my uni degree at 36 and am now working in my field. Hubby owns his own business and we’ve been married 8 years, together 16 years.
While I was making really bad choices in my early 20s Mum just listened. Never judged, reminded me of our family values. He is an adult, he needs to make mistakes, stop helicopter parenting your children. They are going to make bad choices, be a disappointment at times, but it’s their choices to make.... not yours.