My family is giving myself and my partner a really hard time regarding Christmas.
We’ve said no to travelling across the country to spend Christmas with my family. We feel it would be too much for a 4-6week old baby to be in the car for 12-15+hrs plus we are concerned about not being able to get vaccinations done prior to Christmas. We don’t want to expose bubs to too many people at such a young and vulnerable age.
My family all lives together and whenever I speak to them someone is always sick. For me that’s not a gamble I’m willing to take with a newborn, yet apparently I’m being unreasonable and it’ll be fine because my other siblings have done the same thing in the past *Insert eye roll here*
Now because we said no they’re threatening to come to us instead which puts us back to square one when it comes to the risks we’re trying to avoid.
I have no idea how else to handle the situation apart from changing my number and moving so they can’t find us but I feel that’s a little extreme 😅
22 Replies
You just have to be firm.
Send a group email/text. Based on medical advice, we have decided that it’s best for our new baby and us, to stay home and not have contact with others beyond me and my partner. We hope you understand that this is for the health and safety of our baby. We hope you all have a good Christmas and we look forward to FaceTime/zoom calling you on Christmas Day.
We look forward to introducing the new baby to you in (select event).
If they offer to travel to you repeat ‘due to current medical advice the baby will not be able to have contact with you and you’d have to stay in a hotel’, look forward to seeing you at (select event).
Hold firm, hold your ground. Don’t engage in debate, just keep repeating based on current medical advice.
BTW I’d be doing exactly what you are doing. There is no way I’d be driving that far with a 6 week old baby and especially not this year!
Just put your foot down and say no, you've chosen for the first 4 months to stay home alone, and sorry that falls over Christmas. Please respect that and don't come to us. We love that you care, but please wait.
Stand firm on the not travelling to them - totally unreasonable of them to ask that of you. My husbands family lives interstate and we travelled with an 18 month and 6 week old - we flew but it was really tough.
Personally I’d be ok with them coming to me but there would be rules enforced. No one would be allowed to stay at our house. I’d go to them to visit so you can then go home once you and bub have had enough. I wouldn’t be doing any catering and Christmas lunch would be everyone given something to bring and hold at a local park. They must wash their hands before holding the baby and if they’re sick than no holding the baby at all
We have said no from the beginning, Ive always travelled home for the holidays in the past. However they just want to meet my partner and the baby which of course I understand they just don’t seem as worried or concerned as we are. It’s incredibly frustrating being continually undermined.
My mother is not someone who likes to accept the word no, she’s used to always getting her own way.
You send out a group message to multiple services - phones, Facebook etc
You say
Hi everyone,
As you all know we’re due to have our bub a few weeks before Christmas.
This for us is a special time and we’d like to savour it. We also understand you’re really keen to meet the baby and (partner) however.
We would really like to stay home, I’ll be learning all about having a baby and I’d rather not travel such a large distance across the country at this time especially due to all the “shit going on right now”. It has been mentioned you would want to travel to me. Please reconsider this and perhaps wait until Easter time when we’ll happily travel the distance to you. And bub and I will be in a better routine and have gotten to know each other well.
If you insist on travelling our way consider a hotel as we will not be accomodating any guests at that time. With a new baby in the house I am going to want my space and have the ability to be alone with bub and partner.
I love you all very much. Please consider my/partners and bubs feelings and needs over your own want and desire to meet them (bub will not remember as they will be so young). We’ll ensure to FaceTime/zoom/video chat with you on Christmas Day and ensure we send you plenty of photos to tide you over until we can meet safely and after (bub) has had his first vaccinations/Inoculations xoxo
Honestly every single Christmas spent with my ex we always had to travel to his family. I was so sick of it because we have kids and it was at times when they were babies too. I just had enough and said "nope" and did a Christmas just with our little family. Just me, my kids and their dad. That's it. I think it was the best Christmas ever! No stress, no travel, just peaceful and calm. I would just do a small Christmas with your little family and no one else.
There’s plenty of time for that, this is bubs first Christmas. They are even willing to travel to her.
The baby is going to be weeks old, the kid isn’t even going to be awake for most of the day it’s going to be 4-6 weeks old it’s not even going to remember them being there. There are plenty of years for them to travel to them for Christmas and to be completely honest baby’s first real Christmas is going to be the year after when they can feel all the excitement and not when mums super stressed because everyone is going to want to have a hold and pass the baby around getting photo when all mum wants to do is feed and get to know her baby whilst keeping it away from family members who are always sick. Let her have her first Christmas alone with her baby and let her keep it healthy like she wants to. Don’t make a new mum feel bad because she has an over bearing mother who can’t handle boundaries......... or the word no. WTF is with entitled people who crack the shits because someone wants to have a quiet Christmas at home rather than facing the stress that is Christmas Day surrounded by so many people you just can’t breath without someone else trying to take your baby out of your hands or it’s cot or it’s pram.
I’ve had 2 babies right before Christmas and believe me they were my worst Christmas’ ever because my mum can’t take no for an answer.
Honey don’t bow to the pressure. Just stand your ground.
I had mine just before Christmas too, I found family a great help.
All those people, my family lol, holding the baby/loving it, gave me a break.
I guess everyone is different, in my family, we all coo and adore babies, couldn’t imagine not being able to meet them.
I guess it depends on how you view your family,
Also, it’s not her exes, it’s her own flesh and blood.
Having said that, we don’t know what kind of people they are.
Babies first Christmas is all the more reason to spend it without other family so that mum and dad and bub can have proper bonding time. Bub is too young to be surrounded by so many people.
Surrounded by lots of people = surrounded by germs, people kissing the baby and risking the babies health.
That might be a risk some people would take pre covid, it’s certainly not a risk I’d take now!
Sounds like you don't really like them much and you would be avoiding them no matter what the situation is. No judgement from me just an observation 😂
I think you should just tell them straight you just want a quiet Christmas at home with your little family. With everything going on in the world you want to wait before exposing the baby to too many people. Tell them a month that visiting will be OK by.
An alternative view....So sad, Christmas is the most special when there’s a new baby.
My sister and I live in different states, the joy of visiting and seeing new Bubbies, on both sides was absolutely priceless. My parents travelling with us too. All together as a family with the new baby of the family. There are old super 8s of Christmas days when my sister and I were babies at family Christmas, such a special, special time. I couldn’t imagine my mum not meeting my baby, I can imagine how upset she must be. Travelling on an aeroplane with a tiny baby is the best time, they usually sleep, when they hit the one year and toddler Stange, a nightmare. My son was born with a birth defect and I had to travel via plane regular, those first 6 months are a dream. The air hostesses help you, everyone is so lovely.i understand people are more,protective these days, but I haven’t heard of babies getting sick from visiting family. Everyone washed their hands before holding Bub, if you ask, people are happy to oblige.
You could ask everyone to get whooping cough injections, I’m sure they would be more than happy to oblige.
Ha. As someone who traveled on a plane with a newborn I absolutely disagree.
Also babies do get sick from family, one of my friends children almost died because he was kissed by his relative and got ill shortly afterwards.
Yep, people get sick from family all the time. That’s how most babies do get sick! It’s not from strangers.
Pregnancy, birth, and first 3 months are completely mums choice. If it stresses you then don't do it and don't be pressured, other people can get joy from a baby but they can also live without it.
If your mum wants to meet baby arrange that with her, it doesn't have to be the whole family descending on you for a trip you don't want.
It could be taken out of your hands anyway due to Covid travel restrictions and closed boarders if its still that way, come Christmas.
I can only hope and dream that, that’s the case!
I’m happy for the borders to stay closed for as long as they need to be to keep everyone safe.
You don’t need to travel to them for Christmas & it’s perfectly ok to set firm boundaries when you’re expecting a new baby. No one should be visiting a new Bub when they’re unwell and that’s true all the time not just with Covid. Ensure all of your family are up to date with their whooping cough (boostrix) boosters too. Then in theory if they still want to come to you for Christmas just make it very clear they won’t be staying with you & you won’t be entertaining them!
Family can suck! I totally get the pressure of Christmas and the expectation you see family. My husbands family does the same to us for Christmas, birthdays and long weekends and his mother guilts him about it and then he gets upset with me. They live around 1.5 hours away, and my parents are close by, which adds in jealousy. I refuse to travel on Christmas Day because it is such a shit day to travel, and getting back is such a nightmare. Plus the kids and us want to relax and enjoy the day! My hubby gets upset because we always see my family on the day, but as I point out to him, it’s only a few hours, and if we Really didn’t want to go, we don’t have to, but why wouldn’t we go? It’s not like my family is winning because we are spending it with them! He always enjoys himself, but still feels guilty because of what his mother does to him, which makes it hard!
One option is to change your hard no to a maybe, but probably not, and be firm on not making a final decision until just before Christmas. Chances are you won’t go, but it leaves it open to if YOU and Your partner feel like you can do the trip and WANT to go, you can. And put it out there that you hope to come and see them all over Easter (which in my opinion is the better holiday- four days of fun without the pressure of presents!)
And I hate it when such a big deal is made about one day! Feels like time and life is getting rushed through! Between now and then you have so many exciting things Happening in your life, and making Christmas the focus of so much energy. Good luck!
Family can suck! I totally get the pressure of Christmas and the expectation you see family. My husbands family does the same to us for Christmas, birthdays and long weekends and his mother guilts him about it and then he gets upset with me. They live around 1.5 hours away, and my parents are close by, which adds in jealousy. I refuse to travel on Christmas Day because it is such a shit day to travel, and getting back is such a nightmare. Plus the kids and us want to relax and enjoy the day! My hubby gets upset because we always see my family on the day, but as I point out to him, it’s only a few hours, and if we Really didn’t want to go, we don’t have to, but why wouldn’t we go? It’s not like my family is winning because we are spending it with them! He always enjoys himself, but still feels guilty because of what his mother does to him, which makes it hard!
One option is to change your hard no to a maybe, but probably not, and be firm on not making a final decision until just before Christmas. Chances are you won’t go, but it leaves it open to if YOU and Your partner feel like you can do the trip and WANT to go, you can. And put it out there that you hope to come and see them all over Easter (which in my opinion is the better holiday- four days of fun without the pressure of presents!)
And I hate it when such a big deal is made about one day! Feels like time and life is getting rushed through! Between now and then you have so many exciting things Happening in your life, and making Christmas the focus of so much energy. Good luck!