To have more children or not?
I am struggling to know what to do. I have 2 beautiful children and we live a comfortable lifestyle. I want to private school them and go on overseas holidays at least every 2 years which is quite doable on mine and my husbands wages.
Although, I don't feel done having children. However I feel like having 2 children is good for being able to pay for private school and holidays - 4 people fit in hotel rooms, cruises and such easier/cheaper.
If we have another child, it would be loved beyond measure but I worry we are pushing our limits of enjoying life and being able to provide all the experiences we want to.
My husband is happy either way however I would love another baby but also like life as it is.
16 Replies
Don't have another then.
More than four people fit in hotel rooms and in cruise rooms you know.
Or you could foster a healthy child if you're worried about a third biological child having disabilities. You know..... because it could cramp your style and all and cost you too much and then you won't be able to enjoy life as you do now ...
Ridiculous
No need to be a bitch 😡
Theres nothing bitchy about my post . If you don't like the answer, scroll along . You asked for advice, so I gave you mine . I'd say the same thing if it were my daughter, and have. So be careful who you call a bitch. No need for name calling okay.
Would you love the other child ‘beyond measure’ if it were disabled and sent you broke? I hope you reply to this as I’m actually really concerned for that potential child .
You are definitely not in the mindset to be having another child anytime soon
Go on another holiday then. A child is not an inconvenience.
I'm sorry I find it really offensive. What happens if you have a baby will with a disability or high needs? You deal with it.
Genuinely not being rude - but unless you have a disabled child you've no idea.We DO have one. Unfortunately 'dealing with it' also means dealing with being excluded from most social interaction because your slightly different child is 'too hard'. And my DS is very intelligent & friendly. Just has a few ASD different traits like stimming and jumping. It's tough. I can't have a job because multiple therapies require flexibility, so employers pass me over as 'too hard'. Watching friends/family kick career goals & have a nice lifestyle where we can no longer afford a takeaway coffee sucks. It'd be easier if people were actually treated equally - but we're not. So unless you're dealing with it yourself, please don't tell others too. It's offensive and insulting.
I actually hate that the OP is getting jumped on for having the foresight to take potential special needs into consideration whilst trying to make this choice. Schools and holidays are fairly inconsequential in the scheme of things but it does make sense to think about things like disabilities or medical issues and what those things may mean for your way of life and how it would affect the whole family before having a baby.
My uncle has some intellectual disabilities, my grandmother has single-handedly taken on all of his care needs for 55 years and this is a woman who's pushing 80!!
Obviously, he's a very loved member of our family but my grandmother has sacrificed so much over the years. I mean, she never got any respite or alone time, never got that empty nest, she never had a career, she never got a quiet retirement, she could never even duck to the shops alone! It has been physically, mentally, emotionally and financially taxing for her at times. She too was often isolated, particularly as she raised my uncle in a time where those with disabilities or impairments were basically dehumanised and hidden.
Raising a child with special needs is a lifelong commitment and the OP doesn't deserve to be vilified for contemplating if it's something they could manage.
Don’t have another baby. If you wouldn’t be happy with that baby whatever the outcome then don’t do it.
You sound like you really like your life and have plans that another child doesn’t really fit into. Not everyone feels done, for many it’s a decision we make.
Please don't have anymore kids.
I have 3 kids.
Each one of them is here on earth only because they were desperately wanted. Cruises, hotel rooms, schools fees and possible special needs honestly didn't even cross my mind when we were thinking of expanding our family.
Considering your ability to provide (financially, emotionally, logistically) for another child is certainly a sensible thing to do. Knowing your limits is also sensible!
You like your lifestyle and certain things are clearly a priority to you in terms of raising children. It's also evident that you're concerned about your ability to cope with potential special needs. So I really feel like based on that, having another baby would be irresponsible.
Only you can decide if you want more kids - will another child affect all of the things that you currently enjoy? Yes. Will it stop you doing them all together? No! It is ok to think about these things because the number of kids you have will have an impact on your lifestyle. You may have to consider that you wont be able to have holidays as often or at all if you have another child and yes you also need to consider what impact having a child with a disability would have. Personally I am done after 2 kids and yes its because my family's lifestyle is perfect now - I didn't want to have to go back to nappies, sleepless nights etc and now we can finally think about holidays etc so weigh everything up then decided if you want more children.
We are in the same boat. We enjoy our life and the way we live extremely comfortably. We enjoy fitting into our 5 seat car and living in our 3 bedroom house (and even that isn’t overly comfortable with 2 kids).
For us, one of us is going to get tubes tied or the snip so that we have no temptation because we honestly just couldn’t alter our life enough to be happy with ourbdecision😩
As a 39 year old I completely understand where your coming from. I have two beautiful healthy children I feel so blessed. But to have a third would be gorgeous even a fourth but I feel that ship has sailed for me. I too have had to look at it pragmatically.
Living in Sydney - house prices etc we have a mortgage that requires I work part time. (Big mortgage tiny house). The clutter with 2 is consuming let alone 3.
We would need a bigger car. And then the ongoing costs of running a bigger car. Tyres are more expensive, fuel is more expensive etc.
We too want to give our children memories - travel, sports etc
It is absolutely irresponsible to have children you can’t afford.
But people do and then whinge. Or do rely on government subsidy’s as a given and not a bonus.
Congratulations on having some foresight. Do you honey x
Absolutely agree! Can’t believe the criticism. I have 2 kids, I’m far from rich, but can afford to holiday with 2 and pay for all their activities. With 3 I couldn’t. I find this post much less offensive than those with 5 kids who can’t afford it