Ladies I need help to leave my marriage. It's not something I want to be asking but after 12years living with an alcoholic husband I've finally realised he will never change and I'm wasting my life staying with him. I don't want my 2 kids growing up thinking his behaviour is normal and that emotional abusing their mother when drunk is ok. The amount of arguments we've had over this but he always makes it my fault. I'm not a good enough wife, I don't clean to his standards I've let myself go he says.
I've wanted out for probably a year. I no
Longer love him, but the only thing holding me back is fear. Fear of the unknown and fear that I won't be able to make ends meet without his income.
I earn minimum wage ($620 a week after tax). I know I'd be able to get something off Centrelink (kids are 7 & 10) but I can't work out how much I keep going round in circles On their pages and not really getting anywhere. With rent around $400 a week in my area how is this possible to live on? I don't want my children to have to go without anything, but staying because of money is something I feel I'll regret.
We have a mortgage together too so selling is going to cost money. Neither of us have any savings we live week to week. How can I do it?
Anyone who's found the courage to leave I'd love to hear from you. Thanks
How do I find the courage to leave?
How do I find the courage to leave?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Money
6 Replies
I left a 18 year relationship and it honestly was so hard to do. We have 3 children together and I wanted to be happy and have them not think that this is normal.
Finance wise it’s hard but it’s possible. Cut costs where you can.
You can absolutely do this. I left my marriage after 12 years and 4 kids. My ex husband was a narcissist who was emotionally and financially abusive. It will be tough going for awhile with the actual separation to begin with, mine turned very nasty and it was horrible to go through. If you have anyone you can trust to get support during that time it will greatly help you. Financially it will be tough to begin with but once you get everything sorted it will all fall into place and you will be a much happier person because of it. I’m now 4 years on from separation and he is still the same narcissistic person but I’m in a much better place emotionally to deal with him: I sort counselling prior and after leaving. I had to set myself up prior to leaving in regards to some money as he had control of everything. I had nothing. I have since moved on to another relationship of 2.5 years and I couldn’t be happier. It’s a very different relationship and does make you wonder why you put up with so much disrespect for so long. You can and will get through it. And be happier and healthier too. Good luck
I just wanted to say you can do this! My dad is an alcoholic and my mum never left him. It was such a horrible way of growing up. Your kids are lucky enough to have a strong mumma who knows what is best. Good luck x
Same.. no way I was putting my kids through the same
Oh mumma.. I’ve been where you are and I promise you this, a year from the day you walk out you will look back and wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. It’s hard. Bloody hard. We sold up, paid out everything we owed and split the rest 50/50. It was amicable after the initial nastiness and trying to convince me to stay but it is hands down the best thing I could have done for me and the kids. I was broken and he was keeping me that way. My kids deserved better and they deserved to see their mum happy for a change. The youngest still struggles a little and misses dad every day but the older 2 have transitioned better than I expected. You will be ok mumma... talk to Centrelink - rent assistance will help. You’ve got this
Oh mumma.. I’ve been where you are and I promise you this, a year from the day you walk out you will look back and wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. It’s hard. Bloody hard. We sold up, paid out everything we owed and split the rest 50/50. It was amicable after the initial nastiness and trying to convince me to stay but it is hands down the best thing I could have done for me and the kids. I was broken and he was keeping me that way. My kids deserved better and they deserved to see their mum happy for a change. The youngest still struggles a little and misses dad every day but the older 2 have transitioned better than I expected. You will be ok mumma... talk to Centrelink - rent assistance will help. You’ve got this