How do I deal with the fact that i can’t truely connect with anyone? I don’t have any friends at all. I’m a little more introverted so most of the time it doesn’t bother me but then sometimes like now I feel like utter crap about myself.
I have my sister and my mum who I’m kinda close with but they have their own friends partners and lives. I’m single mum of 4 (partner left me for someone else when I was pregnant with our 4th) so don’t even have a partner to connect with and 4 little humans I’m trying to raise not to end up like me (trying probably not succeeding) I know I’m a little weird, I’ve been told before, I’m really awkward and I try to talk n act like others but it always comes off as forced and I can’t pull it off. Half of why I can’t connect with anyone. I’m always very friendly though. My job as a carer gives me time to socialise and I get along really well with most of my clients. Mostly because I’m a good worker and a people pleaser so I’m very reliable and hardworking not because they love a chat with me.
Most of u will read this and think I probably have Aspergers or something, and I may! But putting a name to it doesn’t help, and I’ve seen psychologists before and it doesn’t help. I suppose I’m just realising that this is not something I can fix and I will be alone forever.
I can’t stop binge eating so I’ve gained a lot of weight. I’m breastfeeding so that doesn’t help with my appetite to I think. So I’m over weight, ugly (not saying it for sympathy or because I have low self esteem I actually have very ugly features) and a 2/10 personality.
I suppose this is more of a vent then anything. I feel like a selfish jerk when I complain about stuff like this but I just needed to let it out somewhere!
Thanks for listening to my pity party lol xx
2 Replies
I feel ya. Not all of it, I have one adult son and am in a long term relationship.
But.
I still struggle to connect. I figure I'm not worth the time. I have 2 close friends that I'd be lucky too see 4 times a year between them, and one lives in the same town as me. I just figure she's busy and I'd be interrupting - despite the fact she's never made me feel that way.
I feel like an outsider at work. I'm very good at what I do but the rest spend time together out of work, they all snapchat each other and text memes. I just get phone calls when shit isn't right. It's sad really but I'm at the age where I know what I'm like and I try really hard to make sure I don't force anyone to spend time with me - including my partner and son. I find a great deal of comfort in music and have joined an online forum for a hobby of mine which gives me some human interaction with a buffer.
Gosh almighty, you are your own worst enemy. Start finding the good in you! Introverts have layers. This is what makes it so hard to make new friends because we have to be around someone a long time to open up and be ourselves. I'm an introvert too and have a lot of acquaintances but only a few friends. I have my partner though and 2 of my kids are now adults so I don't feel so isolated anymore and don't really care how many friends I have but I do understand how alone you must feel because I've felt that before. Now that everyone's isolating it may be a good opportunity for you to make online friends, look up isolation groups on Facebook there's quite a few now xxx