Yes you read that right... My 5 year old son keeps running away from school.
I’ll start off by saying this lil terror child of mine is my youngest child. My waters broke at 34 weeks and was admitted into hospital where they induced labor at 35 weeks was told nothing would start until the next day but to everyone’s surprise he was born just 21 minutes later in the corridors, he needed to stay in the special care nursery for 7 days just to be safe.
He is quite a character, his as outgoing as you can get, friendly, caring, affectionate, very smart and boy is he independent. There isn’t a shy bone in his body and he isn’t scared or timid of anything or anyone. Although he is the most stubborn human being I have ever met, you cannot get him to do anything unless It’s something that’s of interest to him. He usually chooses to play alone although is generally liked by other kids. He struggles to retain eye contact most of the time, his loud and ends up being the centre of attention, no joke on stage in front of 600 people doesn’t faze him the slightest.
Anyway we are on the public waiting list to see a paediatrician to explore potential behavioural issues which was suggested by the kinder teacher last year. We all knew there would be a few speed bumps when starting school this year but the school and kinder we’re amazing trying to make it as smooth as possible, my sons prep teacher would visit the kinder weekly to try and build a bond with my son prior to school starting to make it a little easier for the both of them.
So he started school and was great for 2 days , then he started to not come back inside after recess and lunch and would require numerous teachers etc to get him to come back to class. They tried making him stay in for parts of recess or lunch but it wouldn’t work, he didn’t care. Then all of a sudden he decided to walk out of class, went out the front gate and by the time someone caught up to him he was all the way around the corner.
The second time he snuck out the back entrance down the road just before a busy highway and knocked on a complete strangers door asking for a drink, luckily this lady called the school who we’re unaware he even left and they went and collected him.
The third time they spotted him as he was walking out of school and tried to get him as soon as they could but became concerned when he started running across roads trying to get away as if it was a game, they managed to get him to come back soon after.
Now today was the worst by far, he was literally missing. Emergency services we’re called and all the other departments etc notified. It was pouring down rain with loud thunder. Thankfully 2 amazing ladies noticed him entering a farmers paddocks some distance past the school and they recognised his uniform so notified the school. One of those ladies and a male found a gate and drove into the paddock when they found him he was 900m across the paddocks but was happy to return with them.
I don’t know what to do, he knows and says It’s dangerous but I’m not quite sure if he just doesn’t care or if he lacks an understanding of dangers etc.
the school have decided even without proper funding the will have an extra staff member on duty just to stay with him and watch him at all times. Which as much as I’m relieved It’s only temporary.
I feel like I’ve failed as a parent. I’m scared of what’s going to happen if I let him go back to school again. I know the school have been requesting secure fencing around the school boundaries for many years now and that they are trying there best without any funding to help.
Has anyone been through anything like this before that may have any advice from dealing with the school, finding assistance, to even more ways to try and get him to understand the danger his putting himself in.
Anything would be appreciated.
36 Replies
May I add that he doesn’t seem to be running off for any particular reason either. So nobody can figure out why he keeps doing it.
The NDIS early childhood early intervention are already involved and are currently writing up a report so I’m waiting to find out how they can help.
The school is located in Victoria and has about 400 students including the kindergarten. They have had children run off before but nothing as extreme what’s happened with my son. They say proper fencing will also help with a few other students but the department kept refusing to give them the funding although they believe there current request may be approved due to these incidents with my son.
The principal, the transition coordinator and the chaplain are going to alternate shifts and personally look after my son until other arrangements are sorted. All 3 of them being male as my son has always responded better to males and he has already bonded well with them.
I’ve suggested he wears a hi vis vest etc which they always used at kinder when leaving the grounds but they we’re worried about him feeling singled out by other students, but as I told them honestly he wouldn’t care and would wear it with pride If it was green or pink.
While fences are great they will only give them a few extra seconds to respond. Hope you find strategies and help, hugs mumma
While fences are great they will only give them a few extra seconds to respond. Hope you find strategies and help, hugs mumma
My friend's DS (7) is similar, although he lacks the social ability, isn't caring etc. He's run away from school as well.
First, your not failing. It's nothing you've done, or have not done. No one here can give you a diagnosis, but my friend's child has ADHD & ODD. Now he's medicated for ADHD he doesn't run & therapy is helping with the other things.
ADHD kids literally can't control impulses, they don't need a reason - they just do it, it's not planned.
I have a high functioning ASD child myself, and I'll admit it's a difficult, relentless road with kids who don't fit the 'neurotypical' mould. But by persevering were seeing improvements every day, so it's worth it.
Good luck - never question your capability - you're doing a fantastic job because you are trying!
Your child displays al signs of Autism and ADHD
That you’ve gone this long without enquiring about it.
If you have the funds it would be best to fast track the process and see a paediatrician privately. The school needs to have gates that lock put in place to keep your child safe. This is a matter of his safety and life tbh what happens if someone doesn’t see him.
See an audiologist/speech therapist and occupational therapist and take the reports with you to the Peadiatrician to fast track an appointment with an Autism team. The paediatrician will require all these reports before being able to give you a referral any way.
Good Luck ... I am a mum of two ASD children.
I don’t know many schools that have the spare funds to outlay high lockable fencing around a whole school because one child has decided he likes to run away
Different commenter here.
Our school did 🤷♀️
There was a student that was escaping and running off to the adjacent river. School put in loads of fencing and gates as well as assigning an aid that didn't leave the childs side.
Mum's gotta do her bit in terms of assessments and drs etc outside of school but whilst he's at school they have a duty of care to keep him safe. I'd actually be questioning their ability to do that given this has happened a few times now!
There are often special funds they can access for fencing. A number of schools I’ve worked in have had to put in specialist fencing. High fences are becoming more common as runners are far more likely to be in a mainstream school these days.
This is what I would smack for 🙊. I just couldn't have a child doing this without making them realise how very dangerous it is, if something happened I would hate myself for not trying to drum it in to them.
You are most likely going to get reamed for this comment.
He is at school!
This kid clearly has something going on beyond the norm and giving him a smack when he gets home from school isn’t going to work!
I'm not trying to have a go but where is the logic in that approach?
How would a smack make him realise the danger of this behaviour when having it verbally explained to him numerous times has not worked?
Because a smack works better than words.
I can see several different ways this boy could have been seriously injured, abused or killed on his little walk about but let's not smack because that's damaging 🤷♀️
I kinda agree. I’d be the Mum who was at the end of the street... waiting for him to escape ... Then when he did... WHAMMO on the bum!!!
My mum tells the story how she always left school when she wanted - she just didn’t want to be there. And granny (her mum) caught her one day and she got the smack and shock of her life when granny pulled up, smacked her in front of teachers and school kids - 2 large ones on the butt. Then she said “get back to school before I give a third!”
Mum said she hated school after it for a week or so, but she wasn’t game to leave again 😂
Granny said she was there by accident, she’d borrowed her brothers car to take younger sibling to the medical centre, and she saw a little girl walking and pulled up to make sure she was ok.... but granny said her anger went from 0-1000 when she realised who it was.
Mum and granny have a great relationship, and granny has dementia... stories like these we write down to put in a book before she gets really bad.
Ultimately, either you or the school need to catch him in the act, and then give him the consequences of his actions immediately after. He’s not stupid, he knows what he’s doing. You just need to work with the school to find the right consequences.
That is a fantastic story, god I bet your granny would have been so mad. But now we live in an age that if you smacked your child in front of anybody let alone a teacher they would be reporting you to dhs so fricken fast for assault on a minor.
Consequences immediately upon being caught is definitely a good approach. Find his currency so the saying goes.
I don’t disagree on the consequences at the exact time might help, but let’s think about it. This mum would have to be standing in the exact spot at the right time. My son would have just found another exit. Most schools have at least 10 separate exits, or they’ll just climb over a low fence.
If you’ve never had a truly dedicated runner, it’s hard to understand.
I’d believe it! My son was a runner too. And no, a smack didn’t work.
I’m assuming your in Australia.
You can’t sit around on public wait lists. First, see your GP for a referral to a psychologist. I’d agree with the other poster that ASD would be high on my list. Also beg borrow and steal to see a private paediatrician. It’s totally worth it.
Once you’ve seen a psychologist they can help with a plan and make sure you discuss the NDIS as you don’t need a diagnosis to access funding in the Early Childhood Intervention.
You need to get proactive, and you need to start pushing.
The NDIS Early childhood early intervention are currently involved, unfortunately from what they have told his teacher there isn’t a whole lot they can do for the school mostly write up reports to give to the education department to try and obtain funding from them. Although they told the teacher they will be offering support and services for us outside of school and will be helping to hopefully fast track specialists appointments. Personally I haven’t heard from our NDIS coordinator since he ran off the 2nd time but I’ve left messages, email etc so I’m hoping she gets back to me soon.
Why wasn’t this all done last year, prior to starting school?
All the NDIS paperwork was submitted last year but they didn’t follow it all up until this year and we only had his first meeting with them the week he started
I’ve been waiting on NDIS for ages but I just need them to pay for my sons equipment, which I’ve been paying for.
You don’t have the luxury of waiting for them to get their shit together.
Speaking from experience as a mum of a child with ASD who is also an absconder - we live in Sydney NSW. Our very experienced clinical psychologist attend the meeting with the school and sent them a very firmly worded letter to remind them in no uncertain terms that their first duty of care is safety of students. They MUST do everything in their power including providing security fences to protect the students. For my son that means the following
- the school is high lockable fences
- he wears a high vis vest at recess and lunch (not a huge fan but he needs to be safe)
- all teachers and staff are briefed on my son (900 kids and every teacher knows his name) and the crossing lady also knows him
- a carer stays with him until school starts and is there immediately on pick up
- he has a set place in lines at end of recess and lunch so the teacher can immediately identify if he is missing.
Outside of school you need to be applying for early intervention NDIS funding. One of your major goals needs to be safety. An OT or behavioural psychologist will be able to work with you on that.
Be very firm with the school. You are his only advocate. Remind them of their duty of care.
That is so much extra work for teachers that are already stretched to their limits and have 900 other children to contain and look after. Your child is taking away a lot of time and resources from the rest of his class. Maybe a mainstream school isn’t the best option for him if he needs so much extra help.
If he doesn’t have an ID he probably wouldn’t be accepted into a non mainstream setting. There are very limited places in units and there is very strict criteria. Unfortunately absconding doesn’t come into it.
I know many parents who’ve ended up keeping there kids home because of this reason, despite the fact this child will be bringing etc funding to help cover costs and I can guarantee this child isn’t the only child that will benefit from that fence.
And I can bet your life that ‘cater’ before or after school is one the parents provide themselves.
Until she actually gets him assessed, no one can say whether he would be accepted or not.
He wasn’t absconding from kinder, but they were obviously very concerned about his development there to have the school teacher visiting, so there is obviously many other issues going on.
The kinder was secure with child proof fencing and pin codes on all doors so he never had a chance in wandering off so it wasn’t an issue until he started school.
The kinder is right next to the school and his teacher was the schools transition coordinator last year and since she was going to be the most experienced of the prep teachers he was going to be placed In her class so in addition to their standard transition days she requested to be able to spend some extra time with him when she could over the last 4 weeks of kinder to get to know him better to make it a little bit easier when he started school. Honestly she has been amazing and he is doing well in the classroom but as soon as he leaves that room for any reason all control is lost. She has made great progress with him in class already which is due to her going out of her way to be prepared with strategies etc prior to school starting.
But why does she need strategies?
Why does he needs that extra assistance?
Why does he need the most experienced teacher?
What’s going on with him aside from the absconding?
He couldn’t abscond at kinda but yet he needed this particular teacher.
You sound like you are in denial.
She’s not in denial- she clearly states she is seeking additional assessment.
I am the commentator who also has a child who abscondes and to the fool who suggested he shouldn’t be in mainstream - he is of average to high intelligence, there is absolutely no reason why he shouldn’t be in a mainstream class. In addition his absconding behaviours have lessened with the ability to form friendships, watched the example of other children and received behavioural therapy. It is ridiculous to suggest that just because a child is not NT they should be in a mainstream class. He is an asset to the class.
That’s your child, it’s not her child.
None of us know what he is or isn’t capable of, until he gets a much needed assessment.
NDIS are so freaking hopeless, I’m dealing with them, she can’t wait for them whilst her child is in danger.
I’m a single mum, but I always manage to get the cash together when the public system makes us wait and it’s urgent.
Ideally, Things should have been in place before he started school.
You’re right, no one can say if he belongs in mainstream school or not, only a professional.
He’s not your child....none of us have the answers, we haven’t even seen him.
Stay at school with him until its sorted or don't send him. Right now he's wasting schools resources having multiple teachers looking for him, which means other students will suffer. Also from a safety aspect, until he has his own aide he should not be left unsupervised by you. I do really feel for you but safety comes first and if its going to take time for the school to provide safety measures that suit him then you will have to fill in the gap. I would if it were my son!
I was your child. I would run away, get off the bus and knock on strangers doors. The reason for this is that I was constantly getting bullied by the teacher a other kids. I didn't know how to ask for help and when I did I was dismissed.
I know you have said nothing is going on but I would try and look a little harder, or even ask your son to draw or talk about why he likes leaving school.
Find a school with high fences. Get onto the paed.
This is really common. You have a pediatrician assessment planned so you're on the right path.
Get a gps tracker for him to wear that looks like a watch to start.
I think this little adventurer needs a tracking device 😂 awww poor little boy. I hope you find someone to help him and make him understand the dangers in some way.