My “father” hasn’t been in my life for many years as he sexually abused someone very close to me. No charges were laid (long story) and although he was confronted with it he basically got away with it.
He remarried when I was quite young and started another family and then became a grandfather. His family was told and warned what he had done but they chose to not believe it.
I have just been told that he was recently confronted with having now abused his grand daughters. I can’t begin to describe how angry I am 😡😪. He apparently denied it and was told police will be involved. Rather than face the consequences of destroying more lives he chose to take his own life.
I don’t mourn or grieve the pathetic excuse for a man but I do mourn for my family and myself for what our lives should have been! He took away so much from us but I really struggle with the thought that we came from him. The stigma attached to that is mind boggling.
We went without so many things for so many years as our mother was a single mum. There were times she even battled just to keep us fed, clothed and a roof over our heads. But we survived.
So this is now where I’m now at. I am seriously considering contesting his will as I have no doubt we wouldn’t be in it.
It’s not about who gets what and how much as I’m not like that. For me it’s the principle of it and not the $$. We were denied so so much. I would really appreciate advice on this as I don’t even know where to start. Pls be gentle in your responses as there is so much more to this story
Contesting a will
Contesting a will
Posted in:
Self Care, Sisterhood Stories, Kelly (IM2), Behaviour
27 Replies
If it's a significant amount, I'd definitely contest because I believe you are owed retribution. And if that helps you in your recovery then do it . Under any other circumstances I'd advise not to bother, but since this bastard owes, then I'd be trying to get what I can, providing its a decent amount.
The dirty rotten paedophile deserves his estate to be handed to those he wronged. I was molested by my disgusting blind - eyed 'mothers' second husband from the ages of 3 to 11 and hes still alive, but God help me, upon his death, I will take what I can, and then spit on the bastards grave and wish him eternity in a fiery hell.
Do it for all the victims of cunts like him. Take what is rightfully yours in this situation. Make me proud to be a survivor of child sexual abuse!
Take his estate for all it’s worth!!!
The new family didn’t listen and put many many people in harms way, why should they benefit financially from being ignorant ?!
You and the victims should benefit financially for all the future services you will need. Therapists, time off work, mental health days, etc.
Its frustrating when people don’t listen, and I’m sorry this has happened to you.
I will advise contesting a will is timely and costly. Find a good solicitor and have them talk you through the process.
Good luck
What ever money he had should be left to his wife. Why is it that when someone dies everybody that never wanted anything to do with a person comes out of the wood works with their hands out. You had a tough life, a lot of us did. But is taking money from his wife going to make your life better now..
Hell yes it will make her better! And so it should! The dirty filthy paedo! Seems like the 'wife' loves a bit of paedo in her life, she deserves nothing either coz I bet she knew, But legally shes entitled.
If I were the poster , I'd take him for all he's 'worth'. He was 'worth' nothing as a person, and took the 'worth' away from innocent young lives, but he could be 'worth' something financially.
She should Take him for all she can get, and she should hold her head high for doing so.
This is one of the few times I would absolutely recommend intercepting a will. Its abhorrent for anyone to touch anothers will financially, but come on, in this case, its well deserved.
Would you say the same about the ops mother? A pedo lover? People like this are very good at hiding whom they really are until it’s to late. You cannot blame the wife for her husbands putrid behaviour, just like you can’t blame the ops mother for her ex husbands behaviour..
My 'mother' was protecting a paedo. Her second husband molested me for 8 years of my childhood and she knew about it and stayed with him. She did nothing to protect me. Not a thing. She protected him from suffering any legal consequences and lied for him. I bet my left cunt lip, that woman knows hes a paedo, since the rest of the family all do. Some women just turn a blind eye to this type of offending.
I think you'll find the money goes to his wife & you'll have a hard time contesting it.
You'd have to be prepared to spend potentially years reliving with everything he did to you & your friend.
In the end, he's gone. You can't get revenge or retribution on him. You'll be causing pain to yourself & his other family who have also been wronged. It's a nasty process that could also destroy the family you have now.
Since you don't care about the money, I think you need to get help from a therapist rather than a lawyer. I've a friend who didn't deal with something similar (she was abused). She's in her 40's now & just told me. It explains a lot & I can see how it's still tearing her apart & has even caused MH issues in her children.
I hope that doesn't come across as mean - I've just seen how the will thing can go wrong. It won't bring closure, just more pain. Find your peace elsewhere.
Unless he was a multi millionaire I wouldn’t waste my precious time and energy on this. It’s going to cost you a truck load of money. 3 appearances in court recently cost us $20000, do you have that kind of money to gamble?
There are many ways to get closure, why do you want to punish his victims? They were victims too!
How would she be punishing his victims? She's one!
She isn’t a victim of anything apart from being left to be raised by a single mother. She wasn’t molested.
Unfortunately everybody is a victim when there a paedo in the midst. Paedophilia affects so many more people than the actual victims themselves. We don't know who it is though as she says its someone close to her. Could even be her daughter. It absolutely takes on a domino effect of victims.
If I found out my father was a paedophile, I can say without an ounce of doubt that it would have a profound effect on my mental health, even if I wasn't one of his physical victims.
It's entirely unfair to suggest that the OP wasn't impacted by his heinous crimes, she may not have been physically victimised but emotionally, it's clearly taken a toll.
OP. I think you'd be best to seek legal advice, as others have mentioned this may be more effort and expense than it's worth for something you may not even be entitled to. So in that regard, you have a lot to consider.
Just quietly, I think some trauma counselling is needed too. I couldn't even imagine the mixed emotions you're going through so I think some professional help to work through that would be really beneficial.
Either way, I think you've got a hard road ahead of you. All the best ❤️
Was he still married? If it was a well planned suicide he could have already dispersed a majority of any money he had by giving it to who he wanted. Give it a try if you want to but I think being estranged for so long can work against you.
I just don't understand how any amount of assets weather they be financial or materialistic is going to remedy years of trauma you have suffered from this man!
You say it's not about the money but the principle! He's gone, it won't be him that suffers but rather the person who he has chosen to leave it too, more then likely someone that has managed to standby him for many years.
As his child I would have thought you’d have grounds to contest. But I think you have to prove your dependant on him.
My father has remarried and his new wife will make sure we see nothing. Which I’m completely ok with. What kills me is she prevents him seeing us while alive.
I’m sorry but no, his wife doesn’t prevent him from doing anything. If he wanted to see you he would and nobody would be able to stop him. Don’t blame his wife because he won’t make an effort to be in your life
I’m well aware of that! But his wife makes it very hard. For everyone involved. Please don’t pretend to know anything about the finer parts of my life or relationships. There is a lot of grey in life remember that before you pass judgement
Not passing judgment, and grey area isn’t a thing when it comes to your children. If a parent wanted to have a relationship with their child nobody would be able to stop them. If he hasn’t chosen you he has chosen her. Unless she has tied him to chair with a gun to his head he isn’t being stopped. It’s always easier to blame someone else rather than the person making the hurtful decision
someone I knew, thought their situation was the same as yours (for many years), he even hinted at it. Anyway, she died and guess what? No behaviour change.
Take away all the words, look at the actions, actions don’t lie.
You won't be likely to get anything if he was married and you had no relationship with him as all of his assets are legally his wifes and she's not dead. Get legal advice but I think its more likely to be an additional stress on you more than anything
Depending on what state you are in will affect how successful this will be. Research the succession laws in your state and seek legal advice. In NSW, the succession laws are such that I’d say your Mum would have to be the one to contest to even remotely have a chance of having success. If he died in-testate, his current wife and your mum (as a previous wife with shared children) would share in his estate. If he has a will where your Mum and you are not included, succession laws would make your Mum most likely to be successful in contesting it (at least in NSW). Noting that unless he has assets well beyond the family home it may be futile. The courts will look at the financial and physical needs of his current wife and will be unlikely to take the family home from her as she obviously needs somewhere to live. They will consider that your Mum has established a life without him for many years before now and was not reliant on him to have a roof over her head. So it really depends on what his estate entails and who is willing to go into this with you I think. I’d definitely request a copy of his will; as his issue you are legally entitled to a copy of it and the request cannot be denied. Then go from there with legal advice.
To be honest, the chances of you being able to contest the will are very slim. For starters, the courts do not look at the blood line in the first instances. You will need to be able to show that you have an equitable interest in his estate. If he was legally married at the time of death, then it doesn't matter that you are his child the courts will consider the wife to have a greater interest in the estate as his spouse. You will need to be able to show, as his child, that you were dependant upon him during your adulthood which in all honesty, based on the information you have shared, you will not be able to establish.
My father sounds just like yours. Police were involved many years later, (of course he denied it) and he took his own life the day before he was due back in court (he was on bail) however I was left to pick up the pieces. My father however was broke as anything so I was left with nothing after having to deal with the court house and coroner to pay for him to be taken care of. I was left with his heap of shit car and a bag of paperwork and junk. No amount of money in the world will change what happened. Move on with your life for the better. Don’t put yourself through the trouble of contesting. It will only cause you much more hurt.
I think you need to leave it alone. You had nothing to do with him in life so why benefit from him in death? I understand why you’re upset but why not confront him while he was alive? Why take money from his family which will ultimately go to his grandchildren who were actually sexually abused rather than you who wasn’t? I understand watching someone you love go through that is traumatising but you’re chasing the money for yourself, not them. Evil or not, when someone dies everyone wants what they can take and trauma or not, you’re doing that exact thing.
I cried reading this!
My father recently passed he sexual abused myself and my some of my girl friends growing up! Court cases(6 of them were dismissed) I gave up all contact at 15 moved into my own flat.
Just before he died last year he asked through relatives if I would want to be in his will to get an inheritance!! My answer was absolutely NOT! No money will compensate the pain or betrayal! In the end he left my youngest sister and I money leaving out my older two sisters!!! It’s caused nothing but drama for something I flat out did not want to be apart of. My older sisters are contesting it!! I just want this shit to be over!!
If you feel like your prepared for a long haul, potentially out of pocket financially and to accept whatever the outcome is then go for it. But ultimately he’s caused you trauma for a long time do you really want to allow more heartache at his expense??
Honestly at the end of the day you do what’s right for you! Sending lots of strength your way 💜💜💜
A family member provided for me in their will and not my sister, so we just went halves. Why don’t you guys just get 25 percent each if there is 4 of you?
I would be leaving it.
His current family are having to deal with a death and also the sexual abuse of children.
You didn't have anything to do with him most of your life, and now he's dead you want to come in to cause a fuss.
Apart from that, was he worth enough to warrant you spending a crap load of money hiring a lawyer and going to court to try and get the money? And what happens if you spend this money and end up loosing? Would it have been worth it? You say it's not about the money, but it obviously is. This isn't punishing your father, rather his family - who did nothing to you.