So, it's Christmas time... Hubbys family and mine both live interstate. His family are always pressuring us to go there with our young children for Christmas. They can more than afford it to come here. My family make the effort to travel to us for Christmas and birthdays. Hubby and I spoke at length about traveling with the children over Christmas, last year. The logistics and cost of it all, not to mention hauling Santa's presents home. We both agreed Christmas was about the kids, and was to be at home, and anyone who wanted to make the effort to come see the kids, were more than welcome here. We were on the same page. WERE!! His mum has since gotten in his ear big time, and he has gone behind my back and made arrangements to travel interstate with our children to "make it easier for her to see the children". I work in retail, and he knows I absolutely can not get time off in December! I said I was happy to go away in January, but I want Christmas day at home, with my children. Now he's telling me "too bad, he's made plans with his mum" and I'm to spend Christmas day alone, without my kids. I'm so hurt and fuming at both of them!! She should know better, as a woman, and a mother herself! I can't believe how selfish she is being, taking my children away from me at Christmas time! And at him for allowing it, and going along with it. Christmas is about the children and their parents first, and grandparents second, in my eyes. She's had her turn at being Mummy / Santa at Christmas, and now it's my turn. But it's her turn, yet again. Hubby knows how hurt, angry, devastated, pissed off and upset I am, but all he says is "oh well, just quit your job" like wtf?? And then after Christmas I'll pay my bills and feed the children with what?? It was hard enough finding this job, that's family friendly. What tf can I do?? He won't listen to me! Says I'm just being selfish! Says i'm not willing to be flexible? (I'm happy to go in January, but not quit my job over this. That is so short sighted, imo). How do I make him see how much this is hurting me? How do I make him see our original agreement from last Christmas? I can not handle the thought of spending Christmas without my babies. My eldest (8yo) is crying about going without me, and she was is so upset I wasn't going to be there and it broke my heart. My 5yo thinks I'm coming, I don't think she understands. And my 3yo has no idea what's going on. I am absolutley devastated at the thought of my babies waking up on Christmas day without me. What can I do to make hubby understand what he's doing too everyone and to save my babies Christmas?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
10 Replies
Frankly I'd just be saying no. You're not quitting your job and you're not spending Christmas away from your children. If he wants to see his mum, he can invite her to come to you, arrange to see her after Christmas together or go without the kids. I'd be tempted to tell my husband if he was happy to take the kids away from me at Christmas he'd be best looking for an apartment and getting used to being without them every 2nd week himself. I absolutely hate divorce, but this would get me there more than any other situation actually because it's completely disregarding you as a person and parent.
Unless one of them is terminally ill this is unacceptable. Tell his mother and him that this is not happening. I hated travelling with my kids for Christmas when they were young, we did it once and it was too stressful, they are teenagers now so we don't have the truckload of presents anymore and it's easier. Just tell them both bluntly and leave it at that. If they still go through with it I would seriously think about that relationship and how important you are in it!
Not an effing chance! I don’t take leaving a relationship ship easily but this would be my breaking point. If he is that worried about his mum swing the kids for special occasions tell him he can organise it for every second weekend and half the school holidays when he gets his visitation. Fuck him and his mother!
Such an asshole move! I'm fuming for you. Is this normal in your relationship? I could just never imagine my husband doing something like this..
Going forward could you maybe suggest that this year you all stay home and next year you guys do the trip to his family - that way you have plenty of time to organise the logistics and time off and be there too. I get it's a massive effort, we do it every second year, but its doable
I can't get past the fact he's giving you the ultimatum of either quitting your job or spending Christmas alone while he and the children travel interstate but then he's calling you the inflexible one?!?
I mean no disrespect but WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT MAN??
I'm with the other commenter, this would be a breaking point for me too. He has no empathy or consideration for you, alongside some pretty significant mummy issues - you won't get him to understand that he's being unreasonable, I mean, he wants you to quit your job so he gets what he wants...
There's no reasoning with that lunacy.
No way could I spend Christmas without my kids or ever forgive my husband for taking them away from me.
Sending him and allowing him to experience three kids as ‘lesson learnt’ is useless as MIL will be around to help, letting him put to feet up and win at the same time.
I’d change my children’s flight details to January, leaving your husband to fly along at Xmas. You have their birth certificate and as their mother surely you’re allowed to make such arrangements to your own kids tickets?
Separated parents aren’t allowed to make such foolish decisions to travel interstate without the other parents consent, how is it valid now because you’re married?
Good luck, I’m so angry for you and the lead up to Christmas would be ruined. Argh, selfish jerk
I would be packing his stuff for him today and leaving it at the front door with a note saying have fun staying with your mummy. That level of disrespect, lieing and then making it your fault (gaslighting) becuase you wont quit your job is a deal breaker for me. Its emotionally abusive.
A sign of things to come if you do not stand up for your rights as his wife and a person.
I would 100% be putting my foot down. If need be call his mum and say under no circumstances is your husband taking the children away from you for Christmas.
I would also reconsider my marriage if he is so flippant about making you spend Christmas Day alone. This is really NOT okay.
Pack your shit up with your kids and leave.. it’s not their call. My husband would not do that without considering me. No way would I wake up without my kids Xmas day. I’d be taking my kids so they can’t go. Your husband sounds selfish. He hasn’t considered you. He could have gone after Xmas.’ can’t blame the mother. Your husband is gutless and has put them over you.
I'd say if you go we are done. I would leave my husband. To me that's a deal breaker. Holy crap you have every right to be pissed off.