I’m the mum who wrote in previously in regard to my sons not attending school, and one getting up to no good.
My 16 year old son is being bullied at school, and nothing is being done. I’ve been to see the headmaster and Hub Leader for his grade. All promises made that it will stop, and it didn’t. My son utterly refuses to go to school and bursts into tears if I try to force him to.
I’ve spoken to him about how it’s not ok for him not to be at school, he has to do something, either school or apprenticeship etc.
We are rural and it’s the only state school around. I get no child support at all and can not afford the private school.
Son asked me if it’s ok if he lives with dad 2 hours away and goes to a different school. I said it’s fine with me if he will be happier and receive an education.
So I ring up the ex and leave a message, since it’s his missus phone and they never answer me.
I get a call later, he’s accusing me of trying to get rid of my son because I don’t get a Centrelink payment for him anymore. He doesn’t want to help, because apparently I chose to leave and therefore have to deal with any consequences.
Never mind that the boy WANTS to live with dad and get an education.
Next he launches into me about the 13 year old, saying he’s been seen around town late at night hanging out with juvenile delinquents spray painting walls and smoking bongs. Demanded to talk to him. Lad was fast asleep in bed, as it’s 9 on a school night.
I told him if I’m doing a terrible job of controlling Mr 13 then maybe HE can have him for a while and see how he goes.
Ex accuses me of wanting to get rid of both boys so I can “hang out with my 21 year old boyfriend”.
I get told off for going to work and not being home when they’re home from school. I’m a disability support worker and do whatever shift I can. I don’t get a parenting payment or anything at all from him.
What am I supposed to do, let them starve?
What the heck to do you for help when your kids dad is being a massive jerkasaurus and won’t even look at the idea of the big lad living with him so he feels safe going to school??
Today Mr 16 asked me if he’s going to be going to dads soon. I told him things didn’t go well and dad got really upset with me. Now the boy is in his room refusing to come out.
What the heck can I do here?
There seem to be no social services or anything to help me at all.
School refusal and more
School refusal and more
Posted in:
Education, Behaviour, Teenagers, Tips and Advice
13 Replies
Can't mr 16 talk to his father without having it go through you? It may help his father understand that it's a decision made by him and not you.
Please have child support collect payments from him, your children deserve it.
Do you have a Tafe near you? He can complete year 10 through tafe.
What about youth services, they can point him in the right direction of different courses to help him get into a job if schools not for him.
I'm so sorry you and.yoir.son are going through this. Can he do school from home? Distance education?
I would research distance education too. Your son will be able to learn at home following set lesson plans. If he is at home anyway, he might as well get an education.
I'm pretty sure I recall the last post about this and how son didn't wanna do distant education, or anything anyone suggested, for memory. Mum kept giving excuses why she couldn't do this and couldn't do that . There was lots of advice that time , and great advice from replyee #1 on here too . It was great to see a move was made for trying to involve dad to take him , as i think that suggestion was declined last time , but it seems the same complaints have been raised again about being rural and having no support from the school or drs etc , but there HAS to be pathways for referrals there that haven't been accessed yet . And seems the younger one is still running amok and has had no help whatsoever . And their dad should step up more financially since hes done nothing to help . Take him thru CSA why has there been such a hold up on him not paying anything yet ? Prioritise those kids.
I did contact CSA. They can’t do anything because he doesn’t officially have an income.
He lives and works on his partners farm. She doesn’t officially pay him but gives him an allowance so to speak. He’s not registered with Centrelink for payments at all, and CSA told me he hasn’t lodged a tax return for the last 10 years.
You still register. Centrelink will fill some of it if you're not getting any from him. Or you'll accumulate a debt and will get it from him eventually.
So who do you expect is going to pay for him then if he goes to dads and dad has no income? His partner will have to pay for his upbringing while both his parents don't ? Thats so messed up. It's not her job so in hindsight, him living with dad is a terrible decision then as there is no one to provide for him financially, and his partner shouldn't have to . You know this and yet thought it would be a good idea ? Hell no , it will mess that kid up more with a father that has no income and doesn't want him. The issue then becomes that of the fathers partner , and that, in my opinion, is so wrong on so many levels. Thats not her kid and yet she'd be stuck with all the financial responsibilities for a child that isn't hers. It's best you do what you can while hes with you , as it sounds better off that he stays
You realise that his partner enables his no income status by paying him cash to work on her property.
Yes I did read where she says his partner pays him cash . That's probably what he tells her to get out of CS .
Regardless , he is still seen as having no income so without his partners help, he can't possibly provide for his own child .
Don't engage with fathers bullshit. The minute he slings mud, you say, it's a yes or no question from your son, you can text me if you don't know the answer right now. Don't even be on a call with him. Email him the details and offer he can call you for more info but the minute hes impolite, hang up. That's a no.
You parent your son solo as you are, and you tell him to find a solution within the range of options available. Sit down with him and write out all options. Ask his ideas. Then set him to work researching each one. Boarding school might be an option. Military?
I’d be inclined to move. Maybe a fresh start would be what you all need! Approach the company you work for.. see if you can get a transfer.
Dad has to make out like your the bad one - it is more to convince himself that he isn’t. Deflection at its best! He is a deadbeat! Bead beats are only happy when everyone around them are as miserable as they are.
Also approach the local catholic school. Explain your situation they may offer you a scholarship
Let your son talk to his dad, he’s 16.