Hi everyone. I was the same person who wrote “r u okay?... well no” a couple weeks back.
I just want to say all your comments were so lovely and so supportive, so many people in the same shoes as myself which was heartbreaking, but also made me feel that little bit less alone.
Anyway, and update probably no one wants to hear. Whilst I heard your advice, I heard it loud and clear, I booked myself into the gp, walked in, she asked me what I was hear for and I physically couldn’t do it, I felt my eyes starting to burst! I ended up asking her to check my iron (turns out that’s low!) I’ve also tried to tell many friends, I write a message, go to press send and I can’t do it. I need some more questions answered. I’ve already accepted that telling my friends and family, it’s off the cards, I won’t and can’t do it, it’s too hard, I need help, I know that, but I can’t bear to see that look on their face. So I’m going to have to start with my GP, but I need to feel prepared. Firstly, what do I say? Because all the words I’ve told you guys are not gunna make it out my mouth, I think I’d get “I feel...” and then I’d cry. Can I write it down and give her a letter? Will she accept that? And what will she do after that? How does a councillor actually help?
Things have gone from bad to worse, SO quickly. I’m scared. I know I’d never ever hurt myself, but I get scared about how many people have said that before they have actually hurt themselves? I need to hold myself accountable. I need help, I just can’t find my words or my strength.
Also, if I see a councillor can I bring my baby? I know I shouldn’t but I don’t want to leave him.. I’m so lost. This wasn’t meant to happen to me, I worked my fucking ass off to get over my childhood trauma from sexual abuse, to alcoholic father, to watching my dad hurt my mum,
Then being with a man who said he loved me, but turned out to be everything like my own father. I worked so hard to overcome this, I met an amazing man, I had 4 beautiful kids, I have a lovely home, I don’t understand why I feel like this. I don’t know what to do, or what to say. So someone please be straight up with me here. Tell me what to do and how to do it, because words just aren’t working when you can’t speak.
6 Replies
You can absolutely write a letter. It’s not unusual for people to not be able to get the words out.
X
Print this and hand it to your GP. They will support you 100%. Once you've done this, saying it aloud will be slightly easier. The more you allow yourself to be vulnerable, the easier it gets and people start helping and the cycle turns around and goes upwards. One thing at a time. Print this and hand it to your GP :) Youv'e got this Hun xx
Oh I really feel for you! I’m in a similar state of anxiety (but different reasons).
I write things for people all the time! And if I am brave enough to speak, I usually have notes on my phone that I refer to.
A good book on that is: The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. Perhaps you could draw a ladder and each rung could be one step in getting some help and communicating you’re struggling?
I’m sorry if I’m reiterating, as I hadn’t seen your first post. I am glad that you were well supported.
I went to the doc about my mental health and first thing he did was do a blood test. Came back with very very low iron. Got iron infusion and taking iron supplements and I’m handling things so much better. It was the first step to getting me feeling better again.
I’ve not taken it further with my GP but, I have been able to feel better through meditation, better eating (I struggle with food and forget to eat / can’t be bothered to eat) exercise and taking each day as it comes.
And Taking time to yourself. For me that’s a bath with the door locked and some salts and essential oils.
I don’t recall your last post.
But just know it’s ok to not be ok. And your no less of an amazing person for feeling the way you do and you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of by asking for help.
I get upset when I talk about myself and my struggles directly to people. Broke down like a lunatic to my GP but even that just helped getting it out. I was embarrassed but what’s done is done. So that is why I’ve gone down the route of more natural self help since finding out that my iron was so low.
Another thing I do is writing it all down and burning it. Great way to release everything.
I send you so much love and healing and hope you find the courage to get the help you need.
Just tell doc your not coping atm and want a referral to a psychologist( for councelling). First step is admitting you need help. It's scary but u can do this. Councelling is so good to have someone you can talk to who you can tell everything to and they won't judge you they are there just to support you in being the very best version of yourself. It's one of the best things I've done for myself, it's self care. Xx edit it's ok to cry, in fact I cried all my tears in councilling it's like I had been saving them and they needed to be released. It's time.
You can absolutely write a letter. I’m so sorry that you’re feeling like this and that you feel like you can’t get the support you need from someone, anyone really 😥
My husband has suffered from depression and anxiety for many years, I took him to the GP and then attended his first many sessions with a psychologist and psychiatrist. I did 99% of the talking for him until he was strong enough to speak for himself. I wish I could come and hold your hand just to lend you a bit of strength until you can find your own again which you absolutely will ❤️😥 much love to you in your journey xxx