My daughter is 17 (still at school) and has a boyfriend who is 19 (no longer at school). The other day, she rang me while I was at work and said she would be going to his house instead of school and told me that “you can’t stop me, too bad, you can’t do can’t anything about it”. She then sent me a text saying she would be back on Sunday! Of course she did not answer any of my calls or texts. I worry she will drop out of school or destroy her future because of this boy and her infatuation with him. Her father is not in the picture and I really don’t know what to do!! I feel she starts arguments with me to push me into ‘kicking her out’ as she thinks she can go live with the boyfriend and live happily ever after. What the hell do I do?
13 Replies
At her age I already lived out of home with my boyfriend and basically told my mum the same. I’m now 30 with two children, I work full time and am doing great- iam a single mum but I don’t think my young relationship attributed to that.
Let her make some silly moves, let her learn.
You can’t stop her. At this age she will need to learn from her mistakes.
But you also need to think hard about how you talk and think about this situation.
Is moving in with her boyfriend really going to ruin her life? It might change the direction of her life for a while, it might not be what you dreamt for her, but ruined?
If she makes a mistake, she makes a mistake. She will have the chance to learn from that mistake and make different choices in the future.
You can't stop her, but as someone that did similar and also has a daughter that left home at 16, I suggest you start getting on the boyfriends good side. Invite him around, have a few drinks with him if you both drink. You won't get through to her by treating her as a child at this age.
I was your daughter at 16.
I am still with that very boyfriend though and we have a few kids now so i won't go as far as to say i ruined my life but i damn well changed the trajectory of it, we both made too many mistakes and it probably cost me several opportunities too but that's on me. Those are lessons i had to learn the hard way, in many ways I'm now paying the price now in my 30s.
You can't force her down the right track but you can be there waiting to pick her up and support her when this inevitably turns to shit.
Kick her out then . She should only be allowed to come back home if she respects your rules . At 17 shes almost an adult so let her go if that's what she wants . She'll be back. She knows where to find you when it all goes to shit . No point in you fighting a losing battle right now .
Go the opposite then. 'Ok darling, have a great time.'
19 is an adult, 17 is still a child.
Technically- if they are sleeping together it’s statutory rape. I would remind her that you can press charges.
Does he live with his family? If so, call his parents. Or better yet- show up there.
Or- go to his house with her stuff and tell him- “welcome to the family- she’s your responsibility now”
Be sure to shut off her phone if you’re paying for it and anything else your paying for.
Do it all with the caveat that when she’s ready to act like a member of the family she can come back anytime.
16 is the legal age of consent in all australian states bar a few in which it's 17. Most developed countries follow that age as well so i highly doubt there's any statutory rape/broken laws going on here.
Definitely not statutory rape, even if she WAS under the legal age for sex there's only 2 years between her and her partner, they wouldn't charge him.
Australia has several ages it considers to be an adult. At 16 you are considered to be an adult as far as decision making goes, you can make your own medical decisions and personal decisions at this age, parents have no legal say in what you do from that point. At 18 is when you are officially an adult, you can buy alcohol, smokes and go to an adult prison, yay. Then Centrelink doesn't consider people to be adults until 22 for financial reasons.
So if you were in this situation you would be okay with having him charged and wrecking his life because your 17 year old daughter is acting up?
Firstly the age of consent is 16. There is no statutory rape.
Secondly everything you have said for the op to do will just push her daughter further and further away and more into the arms of her boyfriend.
Have you sat down with your daughter and asked her what her plans for the future are? Maybe work together to put together a plan of achieving those goals. Maybe sitting down and discussing the future with her as an adult and letting her know that her future is her responsibility and you will be there to support those goals is a way of bridging the divide. A visual plan may also give her that little more drive to get through school to achieve what she wants to do in life
Try and speak to his parents and get them to tell her she can only visit after school hours. so hard they think they know it all at that age.