I need help please
My daughter throws some awesome tantrums but I know that she has picked these behaviors up from me. I know when she throws a tantrum she needs my love and support but no matter my intentions they make me so angry. I start out reminding myself to be calm but I can’t stand listening to the constant crying and screaming and I can feel the anger build inside me. And then finally I throw a tantrum back, slamming doors, screaming, etc.
It’s ridiculous, I’m an adult and I know better but the same thing happens every time. Which also has a cycle effect.... Does anyone have any coping strategies I can use to keep calm during the tantrums and give my child the support they need at that time?
6 Replies
My first thought would be trying to avoid triggers for them. How old is she? What triggers them? Is there a pattern? Are the tantrums signifying an unmet need (hungry, tired, overwhelmed)? Find the triggers. Avoid them.
Secondly, if she can't handle people in her face when she's worked up, don't try to help her. Find a chilled out, unstimulating area for her to calm down, THEN help her.
Is it the noise? Wear noise cancelling earplugs.
If these are toddler tantrums over little things like not having ice cream for dinner, having devices taken from them etc. I wouldn't be condoning it! If the child knows you will come running, with cuddles and comfort they will have a melt down every time they don't get there own way. It will Cary on as they get older if you don't snap them out of it early.
Personally, make the child aware that you will not put up with the said behaviour, and walk away until they have calmed down. Then go back and have a chat with the child about what happened.
In saying this, obviously if the child has underlying medical issues that you haven't stated then you would need to use different techniques
As much as we are teaching our kids 5 billion things a day, they are also teaching us far more then we ever realise.
You'll come out with an abundance of patience by the end of it. Keep focused on trying to curb your tantrums back and stay in control. You'll get better over time
This is so me......
I hate being disrespected, I hate my kids yelling back, I hate it when my daughter demands something of me that she knows she’s not allowed.
She has sass, she gets mad, she doesn’t listen, slams doors, has this annoying as anything squeal and all of this happens when she’s unmedicated for her ADHD which I give her at the last minute every day before sending her off to school so the teachers can benefit from it and so she doesn’t not pay attention and bounce off of walls all day for them.
These days when my daughter starts getting worked up she sits (is made to sit) on the naughty step (where I can see her), she’s made to cross her arms and legs, then a timer is set for as many minutes as she is in age and once she’s sitting and not moving or talking and if she talks it gets paused for one word and restarted for any sentence other than. Can I use the toilet. (It’s taken us ages to get here) some days I forget my own plan and I yell back and get really frustrated other days I’m on point. But the reality is I stopped giving my oldest a smack years ago we now use words like technology ban, chores, jobs and disappointed when we’re talking to him. His devices are his access to the world he hates loosing them and he doesn’t know the wifi password and we can block any device by just using our phones. So he can’t override them. I can also lock his phone from mine and render it useless becasue it’s brought and credit paid for by us. If he gets mad I don’t care. Ignoring him is his pet hate. Unless he’s bashing into a younger sibling for touching his stuff (learnt from his peers) we have barely any issues.
Oh this is me!! Not sure on age of your kids, but as they are getting older, the outbursts are less, as the ability to rationalize with them is growing. But still... my moments are just as grrrr. I also find that excepting that thats just who you are and making sure you come back and talk it out n cuddle later helps.