I am a single parent to a 15 year old girl. I have started a new relationship and want to go away for a couple of nights with this man. I don't get much time with him because I am normally with my daughter. My daughter is very angry and upset about this and doesn't want me to go. I have given her many options like staying with family or friends but nothing is good enough. She is never normally home on weekends anyway but she wants me to sit there by myself incase she may want to come home. Am i being unfair to want just a couple of days of time out or should i just stay home incase she feels like being there.
14 Replies
Go. Honestly that’s ridiculous behaviour to not want your parent to be happy. Reassure her you love her and she is your first priority but you matter and one day she will be all grown up and moved on with her own family. What then. It’s a weekend. Hopefully your family and friends are supportive and can also have a chat with her.
Go and have a good time!
My children sure as hell don't dictate to me about my social life.
She'll get over it, may even do her good to realise you have a life outside of purely being mum.
I think you are definitely entitled to have some time to yourself however if this is a fairly new relationships your daughter may still be adjusting yo the fact that she has to 'share' you. Has she met this man and do they get along or is he a stranger to her? You may need to work up to spending weekends away from her without the possibility that she will come home eg. Go out for dinner one night and leave her home, then spend the whole day with him but come home at night. Even though she is 15 if she has had you all to herself (for lack of a better term) she may take some time to adjust to not having you there as a backup at a drop of a hat. Does she suffer anxiety at all? Maybe the thought of not being able to see you is overwhelming to her? Just some thoughts but yes you deserve time to do what you want to do with whomever you want to as well!
OP here. Thank you for your supportive responses. You have made me feel a little less guilty and more sure that I am not doing the wrong thing. I haven't had a break in a couple of years and feel that a couple of days away will help with my mental health and make me a better mum when I get back.
👏👏👏 good for you. Enjoy honey
Have a great weekend away with your new man!
She fifteen years, not months lol
Go for it, have a great time ❤️
Enjoy the time away, you deserve it! If she isn't even there, she doesn't need to know.
It really depends how long you have been with this “new guy”. My biological mother used to do this to me and my siblings at around the same age. Palm us off to our friends of family so she could go off and have her dirty weekends with her new guy. It got pretty ridiculous and pathetic. Has she met this guy? have you started sending her off more often now you have someone new? If you need to spend the night with him so bad then why can’t he come to your place and stay? That way if your daughter is out at least she knows you are home and she can come back if she needs you. Nothing worse than being locked out of your own house for a few days coz mummy needs to get some. You see caught up in the lust part is this and haven’t given any thought into how you are coming across to your child. Yes 15 is a teenager BUt it is a very important age where it can really make or break and any bond you want to have with her in the future
Oh goodness I knew there would be one! Poor mum hasn’t had a night away in a few years and is more than entitled to go “get some” and RELAX. I’m pretty sure if she’s come here and said she wanted to take a night off to attend a yoga retreat you’d be ok with that.
It’s not one night, it’s a few days
The way this is worded suggests to me 15yr old daughter has never met this man. How do we know she's not incredibly anxious over the thought literally anything could happen to her mum because she has no idea who the hell this dude is. All she knows is she's being dropped elsewhere without being heard. The news is full of women victims, teens aren't immune to the horrible side of society. It's just with teens that it all comes out looking like anger. If this is the case, if you ignore her fear and concern, she will get harder to deal with over it (over him really). Talk to her. Will she be happier if you check in twice a day by txt? Do it when you're in the shitter, he doesn't even have to know. For a first time away would 1 night be more practical than 2? Especially until after she's met the dude and put her judgemental eye over him? I might be way off, but also might not be. Teen girls don't usually have pissing contests over their mum, but they are extraordinarily protective of them in their own selfish, hatey, bitchy way.
If she's met him and you've been seeing each other for a decent amount of time (maybe more then 4 months), I'd say go for it.
If she hasn't met him, she's probably scared stiff about the idea. And if she has, but it's only recently, she's probably scared stiff too.
I was your teen daughter! I went through some terrible times with my mum (DV) and I ended up very protective of her. And I think the hardest part for me, was how quickly things would move. She would tell me one day about this amazing guy, next he would be spending nights over. And it just made me very uncomfortable.
In saying that, I am a mother myself now. And I can see that it's important as a single mother to out yourself first. As being a single mother is one of the most selfless things you'll ever do. I just think it's important to be as respectful and considerate as can be about your daughter, while also still allowing yourself to do the things you want and need... does she just need to warm up to this idea? Is she just worried she'll see you hurt and have to pick up the pieces with you?
Edit - I'll also add I probably could have done with some counselling to help deal with the protective feelings I had towards my mum. Maybe you're daughter does goo.
OP here. I am now enjoying my couple of days away and my daughter is on board with it finally. I am very relaxed and think this will be ggod for us both. Thanks ladies for your advice and support. Xx