Hey ladies just need some opinion's my eldest's dad has told me he & his fiancee are getting married later this year their wedding is a destination wedding which I'm extremely happy for them my ex & I have no issue's we co parent great & I couldn't speak more highly of him as a father too our child however I've been informed that our child won't be invited too go with them for their wedding (but their child will be there) the excuse I've been told is flight's being too expensive & since they will be there for 2 week's he won't be able too stay (for whatever reason) & if he did go he'd have too fly back home alone I just want too know if I have a right too be upset for our son being excluded from his dad's wedding I understand flight's are expensive but personally if I couldn't afford for ALL my children too come too my destination wedding I wouldn't be doing it & I don't want our son feeling left out just looking for other people's opinion's on the situation
TIA
32 Replies
I think that is extremely unfair. Is he saying that he can't take your son due to him having to share custody with you and that being the reason? I would ask him to confirm what that reasoning that he would need to return home alone would be as it may be his roundabout way of wanting you to say yep take him.
Financially I do think it is a very selfish choice to exclude your son, I wouldn't be too impressed. Is there a way you can work on finding a way for your son to be able to head over there (not saying you should pay) but maybe discussing it with him.
I’d be furious!
I think there are loads of options in regards to this.
I think after my fury I would try and talk some sense into them politely!
How old is your child?
Is he actually upset about not being invited and does he actually understand the situation? Or are you more upset about it on his behalf (which I get, truly)?
Of course you have the right be annoyed about it, I would be upset for my children too (because I know what it feels like to be left out of my dad's life). I guess there's nothing you can do though if that's the choice he's made.
Maybe you could remind him that you reap what you sow with your children. If he leaves his child out of his important life events, he should not be surprised when those tables inevitably turn.
I wasn't even aware they were getting married this year till he text me the other day saying he wouldn't be able too have him between certain date's because they are going too be in New Zealand getting married & for their honeymoon I'm gathering that's why he can't stay the whole time since it's also their honeymoon even though their 1 year old will be there my son is 6 & at this point he isn't even aware they are getting married soon (he know's they are engaged & planning too get married but doesn't know when it is) I've told him he will feel left out whether that be now or when he get's a little older & his response is that he will be having a celebratory dinner with friend's when they get back with the friend's that couldn't afford too fly over there & that he will be invited too that but that will be week's after they've gotten married
Are you sure their 1 year old isn't staying with relatives after the wedding part?
Like yeah I guess its a bit mean to plan a wedding that can't include one of his children, but maybe there also isn't anyone available to supervise him during the wedding?
Perhaps the new zealand trip is more about the honeymoon than the actual vows and they have something special planned for their gathering when thry return from honey moon. Just a different perspective.
I wouldn’t want a 6 year old on my honey moon either.
Then the solution would be to not have the wedding on your honeymoon and separate the two so that all children from the bride and groom can be a part of it.
Or mum could get over it and let their son celebrate with them when they get back? Mums making a issue out of something minor
It's not a minor issue, I'm sure if one of your parents got remarried and didn't invite you then you probably wouldn't think it was minor.
I have haven’t had anything to do with my father since I was 10and at 14 my mother sent us all to our nans for a week when she came back she told us all she had eloped. Not an issue
Yes, you seem like a very emotionally capable person.
Differnet person - my mum eloped and only had one of my brothers there as witness and it hasnt effected me at all.
P.s we are a super close family.
My step mom wouldn’t let us go to my moms wedding. Apparently we wouldn’t care or want to be apart of it anyway as we were too little to care. I would have loved to have been apart of it. It was kept a secret from us as well. My step mom and dad didn’t want the expense/time taking us. My mom was willing to pay as well. I would have loved to be part of her day. Looking at the photos would have been amazing to be there. My brother feels the same way.
I’m sure if they had the option they wouldn’t take the one year old either but they might not feel like it’s an option like it is with the six year old. Let it be. It’s not worth getting upset about.
He should definitely be included, how dare they use cost as an excuse! I wouldn't have a destination wedding if we couldn't afford to fly all of our kids, it wouldn't even be an option to leave any behind. You have every right to be angry for your child. Surely he has other family members going that could fly back with him earlier?
Let him know that you will give consent for him to come home with one of the other wedding guests ie a grandparent or uncle etc and collect him from the airport and that if he doesn't want to do that, then he needs to explain to his son why he's not welcome.
This breaks my heart! I do wonder if this is just the start of things to come!
This actually makes sense to me, they are flying over to have a quick I Do ceremony and then plan to enjoy their honey moon. Why would you put a little kid on a plane for so many hours to stay in that county for 1-2 days then put them back on a plain to fly all the way back? That would be so draining and boring for a 6 year old. It would work better if they do have a party/event when they return that your son can be involved in. Much less upheaval for him and he will still be involved and probably have a ball. I’m sure they are only take their baby with them as bubs is so young. Not sure I know any mother that would leave a one year old in another country for any amount of time. It’s seems that maybe Your going to be more upset about this than your son is going to be.
Upheaval or adventure? My 6 year old would absolutely love it! He is old enough to comprehend he is missing out and when he is told he will likely ask if the sibling is going? At this age their sense of fairness is quite strong. I’m sure he will move past it. But I do think he will feel left out and it will likely be a memory he carries thru life. Kids don’t see the obstacles and they don’t tend to remember circumstances or details but he will remember he wasn’t invited unless they don’t tell him....
My dad did this to me at 7. The feeling that I wasn't important to him ate into our relationship for decades. We spent so much money on counselling in primary and high school. I felt unimportant and replaced.
That one moment in your life lead to years of deep seeded issues?
Wow what a heartless comment. Did you not have a close relationship with both your parents growing up. This would be a heart breaking time for most NORMAL people.
You're thinking of the practical side of things rather than the emotional well being of the child. This 6 year old would have so far dealt with his Mum and Dad separating then his Dad moving on finding someone else and have another baby. He is probably feeling a bit confused about where he stands in amongst it all so to throw in a wedding that he is not even invited to will just make him think he is pretty low on his Dads list of priorities right now. Since marriages represent the future I think its poor taste to not include those that you want to be a part of your future. He will take this with him through his childhood, if hes not affected by it now he will be when hes older and can comprehend it better.
With a very caring explanation from his mother and father there is no reason why he would feel forgotten. A lot of the drama and I’ll feelings towards people from our children is mostly caused by parents. As long as he is spoken to and understands that there will be a party that he can be involved in when they get back he shouldn’t have any feelings of being “left out”. And if it is that much of a drama why can’t mum fly over with him and come back with him on the plane
Because its Dads wedding and its his responsibility to organise his children for his wedding, not his exes responsibility. You are completely underestimating kids ability to think for themselves, this kind of thing does resurface. Usually during teen years when they are finding reasons why people don't care about them or when discussions come up with friends about how many weddings they have been a part of. These kind of exclusions definitely repeat in the childs mind, whether they show it or not is another story.
Your dreaming! People like to think kids are able to reason at an adult level! They can’t and they don’t!
I think they do need to include him. Marriages are delicate times for the "other" kids. Kids are vulnerable at this time and need to be reassured they aren't getting replaced or forgotten about. Leaving children out of a wedding by choice is not a good decision and I hope this is not a sign of things to come.
I would let him know leaving one of his kids out is very unfair and something they will remember forever And to please reconsider as he's always been such a great dad you nd ont want him to cause an irredeemable break between him and child.
Assuming child is old enough to know and understand what it's really all about.
Is it an option for you to fly over so he can attend and then fly back the next day?
I was going to suggest this too. Or could your son fly over with other relatives (Grandparents, Aunties or Uncles) and then come back with them. If it were me I would have planned a family holiday as a honeymoon.
Your poor son. I am sorry you both are going through this
*to
It was driving me crazy too lol 😂😂😂