When do you stop fighting for your relationship? We have been together half our lives, married recently and have 3 children. We have the usual arguments but the last few months, every weekend we have huge fights that result in him leaving for the day, both of us saying terrible hurtful things and many many tears on my part. This time he said was his straw, he doesn’t think we’ll ever work. We both have many faults but I thought we were worth fighting for. How do I know if this is a rough patch or the end? He says he still loves me but that that’s not enough. I am so broken and confused and exhausted. I truly don’t want this to be the end but I feel like he does. He seems to always be angry at me, I can’t say boo without starting a fight. I’m so lost and don’t know if it’s worth fighting for if he doesn’t think so. I’ve tried getting him to talk without much luck. When do you draw the line and end it, or do you keep fighting at the risk of him hating and resenting you?
4 Replies
You are having such huge fights that and he is walking out for the day.
This is not a good environment for the children stress wise. It’s time to separate.
If he says it’s done, it’s done. Now you need to focus on building a coparenting relationship.
Relationships have rough patches but it doesn’t sound like you both know how to have disagreements without all the drama and if it was going to work it sounds like marraige coubselling would be necessary.
This sounds like an extremely toxic environment for your children to be involved in, separation might be the best option. You don’t want them to grow up thinking it’s normal to treat one another so horribly because that’s what they will think is norm and it becomes a cycle with them repeating behaviour etc.
Without serious marriage counselling I doubt either of you can move forward and find a happy way to live together.
My marriage had a patch like this shortly after getting married. It was anxiety... Big fight/flight responses. Got medication and everything improved. Happily married 10 years this year.
i think it sounds like you need professional help. if you arent ablet o talk without fighting wrtie him a letter. and maybe ask him this same question. ask him if he wants to fight for your marriage then you need to get a mediator or counsellor TOGETHER to figure out what the core of your issues are. often people start fighiting about small insignificant things because there is something bigger happening underneath. Im a believer that marriages are worth fighting for. maybe a temporary break fro each other mght help to get both of you to reflect on your priorities. but it would be over if you both give up fighting. marriage is not easy. there will be ups and downs and times that it feels like its not worth it.. but you can over come it if you both want to. ask yourself what do you want? ask him what does he want!? then get support if what you want is your family to stay together. its a lot harder to do it on your own. and there is no shame in reaching out for someone to help you through it. good luck.