Our child started school this year and pretty much from day one has been physically attacked on a daily basis by another child in the class.
This has resulted in our usually happy, enthusiastic and friendly child being so traumatised and distressed that they are terrified to go to school. Scared every day at drop off, worried at lunch in case they are found by the other child and teary every night. It's absolutely soul crushing watching their pain!
We've been told by the school that the other child has additional needs that impact their ability to regulate their behaviour. The teacher can only do so much and because the parents haven't applied for funding to enable a full time aid, it's been ongoing for half the year.
We've made the difficult decision to move our child into a different class (away from their friends) as it's the only way to reduce the interaction with the bully.
Have you experienced this and if so how do you balance empathy for the child with special needs (and their family) and your mama bear instinct to protect your child from physical and psychological injury?
Bullying by child with special needs
Bullying by child with special needs
Posted in:
Kids
16 Replies
My only comment is that parents don't apply for funding for additional supports, the schools do. And lots of medical conditions that may require additional supports can't access them. Make sure your child understands that the child isn't always in control of their emotions and actions. Separation is a good plan for now though. It will help both children.
Definitely move your kid. If you can I’d change schools.
I’ve lived in two different states with my son with disabilities and it’s never been my responsibility to apply for teachers aid funding. I would not be accepting that response from the school. It’s simply not a good enough response.
OP here - Thanks for your comments. Sorry I wasn't clear about the funding. The school said they want to apply for the aid but that the parents won't give consent so they can't. Is that true? Can a school get a teacher's aid for a child without parent consent?
Yes. The school can get it
Does the child have a diagnosis? In NSW that is needed to apply. My mum is a kindergarten teacher and they do have a little non verbal autistic boy in her class this year but his father refuses to believe there is anything wrong and will not take him to a paediatrician.
I was about to say this, schools have their hands tied if there's no formal diagnosis (even if all the signs and behaviours are there). I have a relative that's a teachers aid and this is one of her biggest frustrations!
OP. I'd nearly consider changing schools, regardless of special needs, schools have the responsibility and a duty of care to keep ALL students safe. They're failing to do that currently and your son, the victim, is the one who has to make the sacrifices and that's really unfair!
In New South Wales we don’t need a formal diagnosis to apply we do need recorded incidents and evidence from doctors and teachers. Given all of this though the parents and the teachers can apply all they like if the Department ofEducation does not allocate them the teachers aid for sufficient number of hours per day the school have no options. I say this as a mum of a child with a significant disability (formal diagnosis) who has only been granted seven hours per week. All you can do is push back on the school with their responsibility to keep your child safe.
Also personally I wouldn’t mind if another parent approach me to let me know that there was trouble between our children. I know it would be a very difficult conversation but I honestly feel terrible when he does. If I’m aware of it it gives me the opportunity to bring it up with him and address it at home as well. I sincerely hope they are the type of parents who might be willing to take this on board
Thank you mama! You've given me the confidence to also chat with his parents.
Thank you! Yes, it does feel very unfair
I don't know. Am guessing that they can't tell us that due to privacy for the other child
Is that child bullying other kids in the class too or just yours ? By what the school has implied , the child is difficult anyway and is probably bullying many others , but if not , and it’s only your child being bullied and independently targeted , why aren’t they stepping in to stop this and getting to the bottom of it ? Makes me so mad that the teachers and principal aren’t doing more for both of them .
The child does bully others but has also had more of a particular focus on our child.
Wether the child has a diagnosis or not, wether the parents have signed a form or not, there is things the school can do.
I’ve known schools who have instructed the teacher on duty to stay close to the child etc.
OP again
I sincerely want to thank everyone for your support and advice. I'm happy to update that after following up with the school there is a permanent plan in place to have the other child supervised at recess and lunch so there will be no further contact. All the teachers at the school have been briefed and where there is a chance there could be interaction a plan will be put in place e.g. all of grade sporting events or excursions.
I really hope the other child gets the additional support they clearly need - of course for them, but also for other kids in the class so that the behaviour doesn't just change target to prevent another child and family being impacted in the way ours has.
Have you made formal complaints for each serious incident? You need to, this puts pressure on the school which in turn puts pressure on the parents. I was an EA in a class with a boy whose parents would not believe something was wrong. They blamed the school so they moved him to another school and within weeks he had seriously injured another student so badly she needed to be taken to hospital by ambulance. Unfortunately it took something that big for the parents to realise maybe their child had something going on. So please don't feel bad or feel as though you need to let it slide because he may have special needs, he won't be getting the help he needs if it's ignored.
Good advice, I haven't yet done so but will. Thank you - I really appreciate you saying I shouldn't feel bad. I'm pleased to think that us raising it might lead to further action to get him more help.