Has anyone been through mediation and had it go the way they want? I suggested to my ex 1 week at mine and 1week at his. I didn't get a response. At the moment my kids live with him and I have every 2nd weekend. I'm wanting more time as I feel it's unfair to me and there sister's.
8 Replies
It depends as to why the arrangement is as it is? If the a judge has created the orders then you need to go through family court to put your case in and get a different order put in place. Judges rarely make an order which alienates one parent over the other without a reason. Be it drug/alcohol dependency, abuse etc
You won’t get an answer to help you without giving the relevant information.
Like is this a court ordered custody agreement or is it what was put in place by your ex without mediation etc becasue I have my children 100% of the time becasue my ex didn’t really want them anyway. I once dreamed of 50/50 but he didn’t want that and by not taking responsibility of his children he was controlling what I could do with my life.
This was a verbal agreement put into place 8 years ago. Initially I was not financially stable and was living with friends. Plushe has family support here I don't my family live on the other side of the country. I'm now stable financially own my own house and my husband has been working for the same company for 10years and was just given a promotion.
I would push for it in this case. My guess is he will say/think you gave up your say when relying on him to have them more as you were unable. But it was in the kids best interest at that time. What do your children want? I would keep asking and look at taking it to court if you want a more reasonable arrangement in place.
Different commenter: I would also suggest increasing it by one day every month or two, to allow the children time to settle into the new routine. It will be a huge change for them going from every second weekend to suddenly week about. My kids wouldn’t have coped with suddenly being away from me for a week at a time. It’s been nearly 7 years now that we’ve done 50/50 week about, increasing from 2 days to 7 over about 6 months or so.
Also it’s never about what’s fair to you so it’s best to keep your terminology in context with what is best for your children. It is in thier best interest to have a more supportive relationship with you so base it off that not from what you need/want. Kids first.
It really depends what you have such limited time with them
Whats fair for the kids? What have they known long term? What would work for them logistically and long term? It would all depend on history and circumstance.
I think what is important is how the change will effect the kids. My sister did 50:50 for a while, and to be honest it was a train wreck, where do kids call home if they are always moving places. I really only believe that set up works if everyone is on the same page with expectations and living styles. Can you have the kids for dinner say every Wednesday? (What ever day) or watch them play sport? Does it have to move to a full on residential change. I feel this is an adult win and a kid loose. How long has dad had ft care? What was the reason you didn’t have them more from the beginning? He might be trying to protect the kids from the unknown. Being a Mum is more than giving birth.