Hello. First of all can i just say what a wonderful job you guys do. I am sure its been asked before but i cant find a recent post on it? How do people work their blended family finances? My partner earns 3 times as much as i do (no exaggeration, hes in the mines in a supervisory role), but expects me to pay 50% of everything. I have my child full time and every second weekend we have his two kids as well. Ive lost all my family tax benefits and childcare rebate just because we live together. I dont see a cent of his money, he doesnt assist with caring for my son so its like im a single parent that got a room mate thats friends with benefits, except im far worse off financially as i have lost every financial benefit i had but am expected to pay more, plus cook and clean for him and his kids. He probably thinks its great - im now paying half his rent and power and he has me trapped here. On top of this i switched jobs recently which has resulted in a $10k pay reduction. Add on the $6-8k im going to lose from centrelink it all adds up. Today he asked for a memorandum of understanding that we pay 50% of everything each - i already do but he mustve needed to put it down on paper or something for his own reassurance. I feel like i cant even go out for coffee or breakfast with him without having to pay because he is so cagey about money. Im left with nothing at the end of the week. Its so upsetting because i was better off when i was living alone financially and quality of life wise. Im pretty upset at his attitude about living expenses when there is plenty of women out there who get a free ride - including his ex who gets $2400per month from him. Im super offended at the moment, but all things aside what do other people do to make blended family finances work/ not be such a stressful topic? Im literally just hanging in there, there is very little incentive for me to keep living like this. Its ruined my confidence and i feel like i cant even be myself anymore. 😕
16 Replies
Does he realise what your actual income vs expenses are? Men are pretty thick, I had to actually write down our income/expenses for hubby to even get a tiny idea lol.
I feel that if you’re at the point in a relationship of living with someone then all money should be pooled, he needs to support you and your son.
Nooooo, I’ll say what I’ll say to my ex.
No, he is not ready to live with you. He is not behaving like a partner, he is behaving like a room mate. So what’s his plan if he or you looses there jobs/becomes disabled etc? Cause Centrelink are not going to pay! What does he plan to do in case of accidental pregnancy??
Move out as fast as you can. Even if that means claiming separated under the one roof through Centrelink until you leave. You have to think of your long term future and you will find if you stay things will get more and more awkward and difficult especially around things like holidays etc that you won’t be able to afford.
I'd move out. Explain that if you're living together, you're a team. If he's not ready for that, then you shouldn't be living together. And if he's never going to approach your relationship that way, you're out.
You’re not doing yourself any favours, I’d be out the door in a shot becasue he lacks understanding of your finances. I’m guessing he knows that you lost everything and still expects you to pay half of everything. I’m not going to say he’s a douche but I’m going to say that he’s a jerk.
My partner and I talked about this stuff before I moved in with him. I have my 3 kids from a previous relationship and I have a child if his. I get fam tax b and a carers allowance for my kids because he earns under the threshold. But he als gives me an allowance of extra money every week. I don’t pay rent (neither does he) but we do pay for other things. We grow our own fruit and veg etc to cut down on our costs. I also get child support from my older children dad which he treats as his own and looks after when it’s required. Personally I’m never going to work again unless it’s in our business which I help him with when needed. He also watches our child, cooks, cleans, does his own laundry, does my laundry too. I certainly won the jack pot when I met him. Yes, you should be contributing but you should not be left with nothing at the end of the week. I’d be devastated if I was out in your position. I’ve seen people on your position and it always ends badly. I’d be out the door if he can’t actually understand or pull his weight in the house. He got a mum for his kids and your me in a crappier situation then you were in before. Move out until he understands and stop doing stuff for him and his kids. He’s not paying you to be a babysitter and that’s what he’s using you for!!!
Massive red flag, run.
You may as well live on your own. I would also ask for proof that he is even renting and you're not paying half his mortgage because that is a no go. You sound like a roommate.
This would straight up be a deal breaker for me.
I have no time for anyone who doesn't understand the difference between equal and equitable.
My partner and I earn roughly similar amounts. We don't consider it "my money and his money" it's our money. We still have individual bank accounts but we don't split everything, dollar for dollar because I don't think that's how a partnership is meant to work (and seriously, what a lot of effort). Some bills come out of my account, some come out of his. We both make sure we've got some spending money and we never feel apprehensive about asking for/spending money.
Write up a comparison of what your finances were before you got together and what yours are now after you have moved in including the loss of child care rebate and ftb. If he still can't see reason then you are better off leaving. He is benefitting from you living there but you definitely are not.
You are not a blended family you are his housemate. He sounds like a jerk and you deserve better. Time to part ways.
I have a son to a previous relationship and my husband and I have 3 children together.
My husband earns twice as much as me. We just pay differnet things each. He pays two thirds of the rent, and all of the bills and loan repayments on our cars.
I pay for the majority of our groceries a third of the rent and anything the kids, myself or my husband need. We just worked it out that way because it fit within our personal budgets and we are a team. Anything left over for either of us goes into savings or to do something fun. I couldn't afford to pay for 50% of everything....
If he likes things on paper, do up a weekly budget each.
Show his pay and the 50% cost of everything and then what he has left.
Show your pay, the 50% cost of everything and then wjat you have left.
Ask his how it is fare when you clean and cook for him and take care of his home a children,yet he has xxx amount of dollars left at the end of the week and you have nothing. I would genuinely love to know his answer.
My partner works I don’t
He gives me an allowance and I buy the groceries out of that and he pays for everything else
Even when I was working I paid for the groceries and he paid for everything else
Sounds pretty unfair to me. I’m also in a blended family situation, and there is no 50/50 in finances. I have full control over both our finances. I take care of paying what bills need to be paid, rent and any extras. I think u need to have a chat about it with your partner
I would have a frank conversation with him. Tell him you just can't do it. Figure out a way that works for both of you. If you can't figure it out then leave and live on your own again. You should never feel out of control with any aspect of your relationship.
Good Luck mumma
You say he is just your partner. Have a chat to him and point out the facts. If he can't or isn't willing to come to the party I would consider leaving, you are not married and so have no permanent commitment to him. I have 2 kids and my husband has 2 kids. We both pay our ex's child support, he pays more because we have his kids only every 2nd weekend. He earns slightly more than I do and my kids do a number of extra curricula activities. Our money goes into the one account and goes out from there. So it can work.
At the moment he earns more than me and he pays for more than me.
When his income drops and mine goes up I will pay for more. Simple.
I'm home more so I look after the family he works More so he provides.
Been in a marriage where I was told if I wasn't earning money I wasn't entitled to anything. My youngest was under 2.
It should at least be wage based.
So if he earns three times as much, he should pay three times as much...
But he sounds like a dick. If he doesn't see the light, please leave