How do you say good bye to someone you love?
I love my husband. But he is angry all the time. Its really starting to affect our children. It affects me too but our kids are suffering. I cant continue living around him. We have been to marriage councilling. Nothing has changed. Ive repeatedly told him that he needs to go and get help with his anger but he hasnt. Ive told him repeatedly that if he doesnt change then i am walking away. He is not physically violent. He has never laid a finger on any of us, but he is verbally and emotionally abusive. Our oldest is too scared to be around him. As time goes along its getting worse. I love him, the good side of him is great, he is so loving. But when he gets angry, which the smallest thing can set him off he is a completely different person.
He acknowledges that he has an anger issue, he acknowledges he has depression, but he will not do anything about it.
6 Replies
Hi, I totally understand where you are coming from. My partner can be the same way as well and sometimes it feels like it’s neber going to change. He has put in the work and made massive changes in so many ways that our whole life together is so much better in every single way. Considering what you have described in your post above and that you have tried the things I would have thought to suggest anyway it may be time to leave him temporarily and see wether that leads him to make the changes he needs to in order to find the balance within himself that would have a positive ripple affect on the whole family and leaving him for a little while may be the wake up call he needs to push himself in the right direction. It won’t be easy to do this and you will need to remain strong, but please try everything in your power to make this work before you actually choose to end it. You will know wether to stay or go, right now you’re in limbo pondering over what to do, be kind and gentle on yourself and take 1 step at a time. Also when he gets angry and it really starts to affect you all, book a motel room for the night and inform him that you will no longer subject your children to his behaviour, pack your bags and leave for the night wether he likes it or not. If he doesn’t change after you have done the above then you may have to say goodbye. Good luck.
I was in this position once and if I were you I would leave. I didn’t but I wish I did. My husband is now making an effort to change after 17years but the long lasting effects on myself and my kids is not worth it and I wish I had left years ago. They very rarely change.
Not surprised marriage counselling didn’t work. It’s about him not you. Trust me it’s going to get a lot worse if you leave. Get a mental health plan from GP and find a good psychologist. It typically takes 6-8 appointments to get any traction. He may also need medication such as a mood stabiliser or even naltrexone which (amongst other things) can help with anger. Sorry this is happening for you all. Xo
Sorry I don't have any advice but I know how you feel. My husband is angry a lot of the time. I never know what will set him off but when he explodes it is bad and can last weeks. I am so anxious walking on eggshells all the time. Mine won't admit he has a problem
My mum had anger issues while I was growing up. She would get angry over the smallest thing. I understand that my dad would not leave as he was scared to lose us kids but I wish someone had done something while I was growing up. This is a learnt behaviour and I see myself now having similar traits. I am in therapy because of it. Don't let your children continue on this behaviour xoxo
Tell him go leave.... I could have written this myself!!! I kicked my ex out 7 years ago and my 9yo twins, one has severe panic attacks, and one has severe social anxiety, my 7yo has ptsd, adhd, severe anxiety, ocd and odd behavioral issues.... All stemmed from my exes emotional and verbal abuse!!. Its really only been the last 2 years we have had these issues show up but having my children open up to child psychologists last year it proved that it went back as far as living with their dad.
It was the wake up call my ex needed, but the damage was done and my heart never healed enough to forgive him for his actions
He is a better dad now though, i just put up with it too long to ever want to go back. And we co parent much better apart then we did together.