I wrote in not long ago about my son's behaviour, it's seems to be getting worse and I'm lost!!
My son has been in his first year of school for all of 4 months, he's been suspended twice from the first school he went to in term one and now in a different school who was supposed to offers better support for him, he got suspended AGAIN! 3 times now, twice in one week!!
It is clear my son has extreme behavioural issues at school! Like abundantly clear!! He bites, kicks, screams, runs away, chokes other kids, he's climbed fences, tree's, pushes things off desks, pulls things out if draws or off the classroom walls, throws chairs across the room, kicks over pot plants and locks himself in offices, he has even on many occasions run to his sisters class room and refused to leave, and this happens DAILY!! He is NOT like this at home, at home I have 110% control over him, he pushes boundaries and on the odd occasion I do see this behaviour but I snap him out of it quickly.
The school have called me almost every single day, multiple times a day telling me to pick him up. Thursday I left work at 2pm for a parent teacher interview, Friday his behaviour got violent and the principal told me to pick him up at 10am, he was suspended Monday, Tuesday I left work again at 10am to pick him up, I've met with the principal and discussed everything AGAIN! twice in less than a week but ive had to leave work early AGAIN!! Work isn't going to take much more of this and being a single mum I don't have anyone else to help me!!
The paediatrician told me he has ADHD but refuses to meficate him till he is 6 which is 4 months away. I have begged, pleaded and called weekly for help!! And am left with "how are you coping are you seeking help?".. 2 psychologist one after the other and $1200 later my 1hr weekly appointments and im just left with detailed instructions on what I AM ALREADY DOING!! Like I need parenting advice?? My parenting isn't the issue!! Im now seeking a second opinion from a different psychologist, he attends play therapy weekly and is booked in to be assessed on July 1st, which mind you is private and will cost $3,500 because the public system has a 2 yr waiting list.
I am literally trying everything I can think of, I know my son had ADHD but no one will give me medication he needs, school is constantly on my back and therapy isn't helping, now I am majorily at risk of loosing my job. I've even gone to the extent of calling/emailing the education department and anyone who will listen!!
What do I do?? Where can I go?? How do I help my son?
10 Replies
Ok theres an issue if school are on your back but youre a present parent doing all the right things.
Eventually the school has to listen to you and say, this child at this point cant meet classroom expectations and we need to meet him where he is at.
Make an appt with the principal and HOSES.
I am so sorry you're going through this. My child is similar too, however we have been told that immediately they are school aged they can be medicated so we just have to stick out this year of kinder. The school should be able to apply for an aide or some extra funding given you have a diagnosis from the paediatrician.
The school should be working with you to find out triggers and what stimulation is required such as a quiet room where he can calm down etc.
I just want you to know, and for you to remind your kid, that they ARE NOT NAUGHTY nor are they a bad child. They cannot help it and it is a medical condition that causes them to behave in such a way. This is something I really really have to remind my child (and myself) of regularly and I also like to remind our centre when they say he is once again acting up. I know it isn't nice to know other children are being hurt or affected by their behaviour but it's something you are doing your best to alleviate xxxx
Sounds to me there may be some ODD and conduct disorder there too. Have the school right letters to back you up. By refusing to medicate him now, is only going to affect your sons mental health. Kids with these diagnosis, deep down know they are in the wrong, and they dwell on it witch leads to anxiaty and more bad behaviour. Most kids can't control impulses at that age, let along a child with ADHD.
I can’t for the life of me understand how he can behave so normal at home and so severely bad at school.
It just doesn’t compute in my mind.
I vaguely remember from what I’ve read about adhd, odd etc is that the child has to display the behaviour in multiple environments I.e. home, school to demonstrate its beyond their control I guess.
I think it’s common for adhd kids to be well behaved at school, hold it in all day and explode at home where they’re safe (I did this as a child). My mum called us street angels and home devils. But extreme behaviour at school and well behaved at home, I think points to something else going on, not adhd. It also can’t be a specific teacher or child, because it’s happened at two schools. Good luck, I hope you get to the bottom of it.
These kids react when pushed out of their coping zone. At home mum meets his needs and hes fine, at school hes challenged and pushed beyond what he can cope with.
Well if that’s the case, mum should maybe do some activities with him that are out of his comfort zone, show him how to handle things. What if she took a week off work and helped him at school? Creat a new normal for him. In conjunction with the teacher, maybe create a safe spot where he can go when he feels overwhelmed? Do some calming down strategies with him at school. Maybe have a dialogue he says to the teacher? Im feeling overwhelmed, im going to my tent in the corner. Maybe she could have a boy from school over to play, where he is comfortable. Maybe if he had just one strong friendship, one friendly face at school? I have anxiety, I’m just trying to think of some ideas. Medication will help, of course, but strategies will be required too at the beginning.
Theyre very young to learn strategies and be able to use them before theyre in a heightened state and their working mind shuts down. this is what support teachers and the special ed unit does. Mum doesnt need to take a week off to do it. Although the meeting may come to the agreement that he does half days while he needs to be so strongly supported.
This doesn't say he's well behaved at home just that she doesn't see the behaviour described in her message at home.
All you described sounds like it's been done if she's so stressed and seen two different psychologist as well as a therapist...
All I have to say is good luck mumma, you're not alone
Just trying to think outside the box, obviously special ed at school isn’t helping, things aren’t getting better, something has to give. I had an issue with my son at school (toileting) and spent the week there, helped getting the problem sorted.
Sometimes you just have to do it yourself.
Even just observe to have info to give to the psychologists.
Is he in a special Ed unit? Sounds unfair for him to be sent home constantly. Though with the behaviours you mentioned i get it. If my kid was choked I would refuse to let the offender come back to class quite frankly. But he’s obviously high needs at school. He needs a full time teachers aid. Is this being funded/supplied? I’d question that. The teachers aren’t there to wrangle children doing the things you mentioned. They’re there to teach! Also if the crazy expensive psychologists are telling you what you already know just stop but what I would say is go to a different gp until you get the medication you want. Other children are being harmed because they want to wait 4 months - crazy!!