Unsure if this is where I ask for an anonymous post to be posted but if it is...
How do you explain to your child that they’re the result of a one night stand and don’t know anything about their father? She’s just realised that you need two people to make a baby (doesn’t know details) and is starting to ask questions about “not having a dad”. She’s 8. No criticism please. Any advice?
Thank you 🙏
6 Replies
You don’t know anything about him or you don’t want her to know anything about him?
I have a friend who had to hire a PI when her daughter was 16 to try and find her one night stand father. She maintains it would have been easier had she not left it so long. Also had a huge impact on their relationship.
Yeah I agree, it will only get worse, can you find him?
I can’t imagine having a child out there and not knowing.
My son is the product of a one night stand . He’s now 14 . I’ve told my son the truth . That’s all you can do. At least your child can never say you lied to them in the future . Good luck .
One night stand in the sense you were drunk hooked up and left without exchanging details? Or did you have previous contact so at least know his name at the very least?
Probably best to at least try and find him, check out photos from the nightclub that night see if there’s any tags, DNA test.. you know the drill.
You really need to find him ASAP and let him know. once he knows and has come to terms with the fact that he has had a child out there this whole time, you can both sit down and tell her together. Just be prepared that he probably won’t take this very well, as it will most likely cause a lot of pressure on his life now. He is more than likely married with a family ect. I can’t imagine his family is going to be to happy about an illegitimate child popping into the picture. Also are you prepared that she will probably want a relationship with her father, siblings and step mother? If this went sour he could fight you for custody and win as you never tried to find him.
I told mine at around 8, my kids refer to him as her birth dad.
Tell her the story, she does have a birth dad who is unknown, talk about anything you do know, and decide when you think she is old enough to make decisions around looking for him with Paternity testing ect.