Am I doing the right thing?

Anonymous

Am I doing the right thing?

Am I doing the right thing, I will try to make this as short as possible, I met my now ex and father to my son just over a year ago things happened very quick for us, when I first met him he told me that he every now and again smokes some weed, and I accepted that, as I never saw him do it, then fast forward a few months and I offered him to move on to my pose as he was receiving death threats from apparently some old friends, later on I found out it was drug dealers. Once he was moved in he did not work and became quiet verbally abusive, did not want me to see friends, family etc, then the cheating started and when confronted he locked himself in a room, then when I asked him why etc, he blew up, I tried to leave, in my car, he stood in front and wouldn't let me leave, eventually I got away and went to a friends house. After a lot of angry messages I got the apoplectic ones and fell for it, went back. Then maybe a week later found out I was pregnant, a lot changed, he became more distant and still found out about more cheating, fast forward a few months, he said he would try to change, in this time he also lost his license, and yes I had to drive him to go get his weed, as he would loose it if I didn't, so I foolishly thought I was doing the right thing to try and keep him calm, I remember clearly one night maybe about 5 months pregnant he could not find any and I was tired as anything it was probably 11pm and asked if we could please go home as I was sick of driving, he lost it, grabbed my steering wheel and swerved the car, then punched the dash. He also told me to have an abortion so many times and threatened my life and to cut my throat off, fast forward to now I have finally left and applied for a dvo, I guess I just want reasurance I'm doing the right thing for my baby, he just became worse and couldn't stand the constant threats against me and my baby, he also sees no problem with his weed use which he spent so much on a week and his personalities change so quickly, I could not even sit on the couch or look at him without being called a c***, would get angry when the baby cried to much, but now I've finally left I think he's shocked but he told me to leave and said he wants nothing to do with the baby and to change name etc and trying to blame me which he always had and said I'm the one who makes him the way he is, I think I'm just coming to terms with it all. And also said to me don't make me go to jail for you and that he knows where to buy a gun and could get someone to do his dirty work. Sorry for rambling my head is just scattered at the moment as I'm scared he'll say he's done none of this and be aloud to see bub, I do have video evidence and photos screenshots etc.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour

6 Replies

Anonymous

You have very much done the right thing! Fantastic that you have video and screenshots, that will be enough evidence for now. If he wants you to change the name I'd get him onto a declaration ASAP and definitely do it.

WELL DONE FOR LEAVING! Do not look back. No matter how much he "changes"!!!!

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Anonymous

Your out now and need to cut contact altogether. It will get worse and it will get intense so keep yourself safe. Go somewhere he cannot find you. Put a DVO in place and show all evidence to any department/lawyers you have to. EVERY time he breaches the DVO make a formal statement with the police. It is exhausting and so time consuming but the more he breaches it the deeper he digs himself a hole. Any threats towards the child should be forwarded to solicitors and reported to police immediately. Finally let him go through proper channels to see your child and don't accept any less than a consent order because nothing else is enforceable by law. Unless there is one in place he can take the child and not return him/her. You need piece of mind of that at least. Seek support if you need it and take back control. You are so doing the right thing. Good luck

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Anonymous

Leaving him was absolutely the right thing to do. Stay away from the looser!

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Anonymous

You have absolutely done the right thing. Well done to you for taking that step because that step is a hard one. I was in a similar situation minus the drugs. He was verbally abusive, controlling, would not let me leave the house etc. similar to what you have written. The behaviour began to rub off onto our son who became quite frustrated, angry and emotional. My son was nearly 18 months when I left and in less than a week he became so much happier, he was so much brighter and it helped me to stay focused and move forward. Think of your child, they deserve to be happy and a big part of them being happy is seeing you happy :) Best of luck!

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Anonymous

I know this feeling I have been with mine for almost 7 years in this time he has never worked at all (I work full time) we have 3 kids together 4,3,2 who I support but then also having to support his habit of $350 a fn out of my pay from work plus all the bills including rent it becomes very hard and very draining! He also doesn't have a license and refuses to get one so I have to go get the smoko just so my kids aren't in the car! Don't do what I have been and stay because of the kids and think that u can't break their little hearts, because it doesn't get better! Some days it may feel it does and they will change, but it will go down real fast!

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Anonymous

Ask yourself - if this baby is a girl and in 20yrs she's in this situation would you want her to stay???
You deserve to be treated with love and respect and as long as he's smoking you won't get it because his priority is the drugs and himself.
Get out, stay out and stop ALL contact. Your child doesn't need a father figure like that, they wont thank you for it later on.
Surround yourself with positive supportive people and you and baby will be just fine on your own xxx

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