Hi IMs
I have been in my job about 2 years now and a new girl started about 6 months ago. She sits adjacent to my cubicle and we just click. She is married with 2 kids. We both work later than the other staff because we get along so well and laugh, flirt etc... last week we went out for a smoke and we ended up kissing. (I'm single) It wasn't just a peck, it was passionate. I really like this girl and the secrecy of the kiss is exhilarating for us both. (She told me she's naughty in a flirty way). I know I could take this to a full on affair and I really like her and I know she likes me. I have never met her husband but I'm torn between the exhilaration of a mutual affair and her husband's emotions if he finds out.
Very close to affair starting
Very close to affair starting
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Men's Business, Relationships
69 Replies
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Sounds like those posting here are right. It sounds like a kiss, attention & flirting isn't necessarily all that real. This thread has been difficult to read through because being told that something you really want is actually artificial is very difficult. It sounds like most of you are women, you know the type of girl she really is and I'm being used for attention, boredom, etc...
In saying this, I want you to understand what it's like when you meet someone on exactly the same page as you, and the conversation flows, there's a spark etc.... Letting go of this is difficult, and please don't get me wrong - I understand there is a family at stake here. Let me also say I fully acknowledge that I am also being very selfish pursuing this.
It hurts also when someone pointed out she's guaranteed to be sleeping with her husband - sounds ridiculous dosen't it, but this makes me jealous.
When you (think) you have something in somebody who is absolutely amazing and you're forced into rationality - which means the carpet is suddenly pulled from under you, you just want to hang on to her for dear life.
Totally get that. I think the reason I was so blunt is because I could tell you felt invested. I have known a few girls like this over the years. They leave destruction behind them. And when it blows up they become the victim. You sound like you want someone special. Find someone who will treat you like that after the thrill of the chase subsides. That's what everyone deserves xx
I know we have given you a harsh/blunt reality check, but I’m so glad you wrote in and at least have what we are saying in the back of your mind, so when there signs are there, you will see them. Raise your standard, you don’t deserve to be sloppy seconds. Get angry, how dare she give you the wink and kiss and play these ridiculous games with you, does she think you’re a sucker?
Based on the thread, she has pretty good evidence that I am. Sigh.
This, what you're realising now, is a sense of the blindsiding pain that you will be in when you fall into this blindly and then she pulls the rug out from under you. it's very hard to believe someone you feel so connected to could do that, but yes, she will, she can't and won't offer you anything else. And she already knows it, so she is already playing games with you. Get mad at her pulling this shit on you.
I’ve known a few men and women like this.
I almost got caught up in an affair myself. Luckily I woke up to myself. Then he moved on to his next victim.
All the best to you. I hope you take what you can from this. I personally think she is a massive risk to you relationship wise. If she can do this without a 2nd though to her family she will do it to you too. I think what’s important here is that you need to recognise the red flags that she is displaying and not ignore them. Based on the info in your post I think she is definitely one of “those women” sorry to say...
You really just need to wake up to the situation or go with it end result will be you will discarded like hubby and I am sure he would be jealous and mad knowing that his wife was doing stuff with you and he has every right ! Your pursuing a dead horse , yes there is mostly woman here posting because we have been there and it's comming from an angle of that we know what she is and we know what's at stake and we are giving you advice but your stil not listening it choosing not too
As long as your willing to take on another's mans family then go for it and it will come with a lot of hurt pain and drama so if your connection is that strong well then you have nothing to worry about except until it's you that is being lied to for another mans affection
She is no good tell her husband and move on I would he deserves better and you will too should you go down this road
I am the person on 'the other side' my husband had an emotional affair with a single, female work colleague. Stupidly and selfishly he went with it, kept a lot of secrets and in the meantime I was the boring old house wife who was old news. It has slowly destroyed us. Don't do it, there is a family at stake. She doesn't care about you, she's bored with her mundane life and she probably thinks you're nice and attentive and all the rest. Find someone nice with good morals without the baggage. Trust me it isn't worth it.
If I could I would say this is a media meddling post seriously it's that amateur really
Hi all. I'm going to close this thread off now. As I stated before, I'm not going to try and convince anybody this is not trolling/media meddling etc - To be totally honest, I'm not worried in the slightest what you believe the purpose of the thread was/is.
To everyone else, thank you for your input. This girl was on my mind 24x7 since this all started, and I was obviously constructing a completely fictitious scenario in which we ride off in the sunset together and live happily every after (which is only natural when you have a caring, stable & deep relationship with someone).
I can see now that I put the cart before the horse, and discarded every obstacle like the husband & kids.
It has been difficult, but today the few interactions I have had with her have not been 'awkward' - they've just been 'different'. (I'm relating to her now the same way I relate to everyone else in the office - not rude or abrupt, just like a regular co-worker).
I'm pretty sure the staff are cottoning on that something has changed because somebody in our dept. sort of cocked her head and made a weird smirk after I answered the girl's question without the usual 'warmth'. (We work in a high rise in one of the capital city CBDs with 13 other staff directly in earshot)
If she wants to discuss anything, I will, but I get the feeling this will die a natural death.
Yay! Good on you, proud of you! She’s probably going to try to flirt harder to get your attention back, but don’t weaken. The one good thing you can draw from this situation is that a gorgeous woman found you attractive, so many more who are single will. Take the confidence boost and use it to find the right woman and you know you can walk away with your head held high. I feel our work here is done ladies!
That takes strength! And if the others picked up on it today they sure as hell picked up on the flirting and were not thinking good things about either of you. Good on you. Seriously thats a good move.
You know it's wrong! It's not only her husbands emotions what about her 2 kids. She should be doing the right thing by them. You have to stop it before you're the reason for breaking up this family. Tell her to go home and work on her marriage. Pull your head in!
You might be lining yourself up for a sexual harassment in the workplace lawsuit or dismissal. Goodluck with that.
You are being played as much as you are playing. Grow a backbone and heart.
As another man who is married with 2 kids, you are an absolutely repulsive piece of work. You are the kind of male trash that should be shipped to an male only island. This woman is married with kids, you should have some self respect and stop right now knowing that she is married with kids. There is no justification of wanting to partake in being a homewrecker. Grow the hell up be a man and stop what your doing. Its not ok, its not right and all your being is a pig in chasing feelings that arent really there
Yup. Other males do not trust men who do this and it sticks for decades
Both you and this idiot woman are selfish. She's a pig for instigating any kind of flirtatious behaviour with you and having physical contact with you. You are disrespectful since you know she's married with kids and yet you still kiss her and are considering a relationship of some kind with her. Is it that you want browny points from all your male coworkers cos she's attractive? Or are you that shallow and deprived that you'll steal from someone else to get what you want.
You and this ugly woman are disgusting excuses for human beings. Neither of you are attractive at all.
Go ahead have this affair you selfish assholes. Yes I'm angry at you for asking us this question and then continuing to justify your desires with bullshit.
Karma has a funny way of dealing with oxygen theives like you two.
Come back and tell us all about it when the shit hits the fan you arrogant selfish ass.
I was in this situation about 9 years ago. I had an on & off affair with someone I met at work, for nearly 2 years. I was 20-21 at the time. The other woman had 2 children, was pregnant when we met & had a fiancé. I should NEVER have allowed it to happen, I not only participated in an affair, but I also hurt other people. 9 years on & with more life experience & values, I wish I could take it back. But I can't & if the only thing I can take from that time of my life is the lessons I've learnt. I can tell you, it's not worth it. In any way. You are second best, you will get hurt & you will hurt others too. All parties involved will end up hurt. I can also add, love is a hard thing. Sometimes people are truly drawn together or are "meant to be", but it may not be in that moment. Not if it means sacrificing your morals, values and other people's feelings. I hope you find your way past this situation, before you're in too deep.