Hi IMs
I have been in my job about 2 years now and a new girl started about 6 months ago. She sits adjacent to my cubicle and we just click. She is married with 2 kids. We both work later than the other staff because we get along so well and laugh, flirt etc... last week we went out for a smoke and we ended up kissing. (I'm single) It wasn't just a peck, it was passionate. I really like this girl and the secrecy of the kiss is exhilarating for us both. (She told me she's naughty in a flirty way). I know I could take this to a full on affair and I really like her and I know she likes me. I have never met her husband but I'm torn between the exhilaration of a mutual affair and her husband's emotions if he finds out.
Very close to affair starting
Very close to affair starting
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Men's Business, Relationships
69 Replies
Oh stop your single and wasting time on a lousy human I mean what respect does she have for herself let alone her husband or kids , she us a disgrace to woman in my opinion and your no better if you allow this continue her family is already ruined wether husband ever finds out or not ! You have the moral choice to walk away she has no morals it's pretty simple there are plenty of single girls who deserve a chance of meeting someone do not go down that road because you will have to live with a lousy humans bad behaviour
Oh did I mention she is married even if she somehow forgot that whilst tucking her kids in at night no RESPECT for her she is a disgrace
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Bro code dude... Seriously? She’s a taken women. Regardless of whether you know him or not you have the potential to turn children’s lives upside down here. Don’t play part in it. Forget about the thrill of it and wake up to yourself! She’s doing this so willingly and seems like her family are not even a factor. Whatever you are looking for in a relationship right now - start by finding someone that’s available and not tied down. Don’t be part of breaking up a child’s home just for a few very cheap nasty thrills.
Every time you want to kiss her, picture her kid yelling 'I hate you. You ruined my life' at you. She isn't just ignoring her husband's feelings. And one day you will stop being shiny and new too. And someone else will be.... She's not loyal. She values butterflies over actual loyalty and love. Run!
Have some self respect, no good will come of this.
There are innocent children involved!
This woman is a piece of crap, if she's not cheating with you it'll be someone else. You need to decide if you want to contribute to ruining a family?
Keep those husbands feelings in your mind.
Affairs never end well. She will be cheating on you too, with her husband. Do u really think that’s exciting?
There are plenty of ways to get excitement they don’t include helping break up a family!
Are you really willing to be that home wrecker? And sink that low, knowing that she has a family at home?
All of the hurt you would cause her kids (mainly) going through a potential divorce for a root. I would cease the contact out of work. Don't go out for a smoke with her. Be the bigger person.
She winked at me discreetly this morning and made a kissing gesture. This girl in addition to being highly attractive, she has an amazing personality. I'm definitely falling in love with her. I understand that you guys are discouraging me from perusing this but I feel I relate to her in a more 'real' way than her husband and I don't really want to rob her of that.
Lmao. She relates to you in a more real way? They're married with kids. Nothing more real than that. She's hell bent on destruction if she's acting that way and you're her drug of choice. Make whatever decision you want. But the only person you're putting first is yourself. Right now she's about to devastate her kids and trust me, she loves them more than you. She's just forgetting that right now.
She’s a bored housewife, looking for some attention and you’re giving it. There is absolutely nothing real about it, it is fun and exciting, real is washing the skiddies off your partners jocks lol Don’t get sucked in and look at what are you missing in your life to enjoy this kind of attention? You know what you need, other options, if you had plenty of those, you wouldn’t even consider this. Get some hobbies, online dating, a social life, outdoor activity clubs etc. Not only will you break up her family (which is no turn off for you as you probably don’t even know them) but imagine how you will tarnish your reputation at work, being with a married woman. It will get out, there’s always observant colleagues and if she’sdoinf what you described above, it will be out in no time.
If she likes you that much she wouldn't still be with her husband. Honestly, let it go. If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you.
Perfectly said
Yeah, you have very clouded judgement and are wanting to justify destroying a family. Not in the least OK. She will get bored with you after the adrenaline wears off and she will replace you. I feel like this is why men find themselves in situations where they are taken for everything money wise and left with no choice to be a part time parent due to separation. You are not making sound decisions and based on her behavior she is showing you that she is a terrible partner. Also you don’t know him from a bar of soap to say that you connect with her in a more ‘real’ way than he does. Unless you live with them you really have no clue - just her side. Let me tell you she trying to justify her disgraceful actions too. There are good women out there who know something about loyalty, truth and being committed to making a relationship last the distance. May sound harsh but male or female you need to hold yourself to a higher standard and decide you won’t be part of this mess waiting to happen. I don’t think you comprehend that there are children in the mix here that have no choice how the adults in their lives behave... and you want to be part of the cause?
You relate to her in a "more real way"... Oh please!!!
You're delusional if you believe that, she wants casual sex and she wants an escape from her real life, you are nothing more than a pawn in her stupid games!
But by all means, go right on ahead and have an affair with this woman, fall in love if you want but don't be surprised when she starts "Relating better" to someone that's not you, you wouldn't want to deprive her of that ...
I can't get this off my mind so while I'm thinkingabout it & vividly remember when this all started I should give a bit of background as well. A couple of weeks after she started, she dropped her car keys while I was standing next to her desk and she asked me to pick them up. I replied something like 'Nah, you havent convinced me your arms are broken'.
Now I think of it, since that day really, we started our friendship. This should give you some more info. (I had no idea she was married/in a relationship at this point)
Eh, that doesn't justify it at all.
This explains nothing?
Tells me poster is overthinking it and looking to make it more than it is to her.
She must have spotted you as vulnerable,a potential target for an affair. Being single could have been enough for her, but as days went on, you played along so she knew you were up for the program. Lots of bored married people target single people for an affair because they perceive them as probably lonely, I’ve sent it in my own workplace.
Yep she is using you! All this is so cliche it’s ridiculous!
You are her victim she will entertain herself with you. But when push comes to shove she will be with her husband and kids.
Apart from the obvious... She's happy to destroy her family and betray her marriage vows because she's bored... Here's a blokes perspective. A guy a went to school with had an affair with a married woman briefly. She destroyed him emotionally. But he also got cut by almost every mate. Years later he and my husband (who was his best friend) end up in the same circles. It took my husband realising that I don't want anyone other than us for them to regain their friendship. And because I know him too,hubby still gets concerned. His best mate and he still says, once a snake always a snake.
I'm not convinced this is boredom on her part so much as it is 2 people getting along so well. She's got an amazing personality & her sense of humor is similar to mine, and the flirting is an incredible experience for me, as I'm sure it is for her too. You know when you just 'click' with someone and are having incredible fun.
I click with people other than my husband. It doesn't turn me into a scrag. Her personality isn't that awesome if she's tarting it up at work then going home and playing happy families. Guaranteed she's still sleeping with her husband.
You've barely known her any time at all and only had one kiss. You can't possibly know that you click or relate to her more than her husband. You asked for our honest opinion and we're giving it to you yet you aren't listening to us or finding literally ANY excuse to justify this. We're all telling you that it's a bad idea and you're falling for someone who doesn't see you the same way. If you go through with this you're only going to get very hurt and humiliated. Sorry if that's harsh but it's true.
What you dint understand is she has a hsuband and kids. She doesn't get to click with someone and get n well and jump in and have s bit of fun. She has children's lives and wellbeing hanging on her actions. Once you have kids everything's more complex, you don't even know what you don't know about what she SHOuLD be considering and what she's risking.
Unfortunately, it's that pressure that makes an unhappy person do what she's doing. She's not falling for you, her life is far more complicated than that, she's having meaningless, thoughtless, fun.
Well, all I can say after reading all this is that you 2 deserve each other. To have such little regard for those who will get hurt in this situation actually disgusts me.
I hope her kids and husband can find some happiness after being fucked over like this.
You aren't going to be told what you want to hear with this post sweetheart, obviously you're going to do what you want anyway. I hope when this inevitability comes to an end you can live with this choice...
I feel like we’re being trolled ladies lol
I actually hope this is a troll post because I really hope no one is this clueless.
I'm confused by what you guys are saying. You're all suggesting that she has no feelings for me and I'll end up hurt, but the fact we kissed for 45 seconds just doesn't align with what you're all saying. Sure, there's been no "I love you" by either of us, but there was an intense kiss.
Dude...I had my first french kiss when I was 12 years old and it lasted longer than that. Do you think that means it was love? Hell no. Sorry but one kiss doesn't mean you two are going to fall madly in love.
Yep it can feel amazing to you and yet somehow they're not invested in the same way at all. That is definitely what this is, it's clear to see. If she was interested, she would suss you out outside of work, feel out how life with you would pan out, lifestyle, location, kids, school, house, finances, you and the kids, that takes a whole lot of time. She would do all of that before getting invested and starting a relationship. What she's doing with you is sexual only and during her work time.
Oh, and she would have left her husband! But she hasn't and she isn't going to. One day she will be cold as ice to you and tell you what did you expect because you knew she was married with kids. Keep that in mind as you go into this.
I have kissed many people and not had feelings for them...
She's bored. She sees her husband daily and they deal with real life crap like snotty noses, tantrums, school issues etc. You're a distraction from her real life. A 45 second kiss or a 6 month affair... It's still just a distraction. The telling thing here is that she's happy to seek out excitement instead of just getting a baby sitter and having a night off. That makes her 'personality' pretty crap. Regardless of whether she makes you laugh. Sexual chemistry is super easy to find if you go looking for it.
Women are equally capable of playing the field and having sex without feeling as men are. If you are a real person and not a troll you sound incredibly naive about the world.
You can’t possibly know what her connection with her husband is like because you’ve never seen them together.
I don't believe this is a real post. That or you need a hobby to take up more of your time if you vividly remember a conversation about some dropped keys from six months ago.
I feel this is trolling now.
I can assure you this is not trolling, this is a real thing that has been building for about six months. I posted here to get some advice, so thank you all. You've given me a lot to think about. When someone attractive starts at your job, and the males comment about how attractive she is, of course you'll remember unusual interactions like dropped keys. If you think this is 'trolling', that's your prerogative and I respect it. My plan is to at the very least, talk to her and discuss implications for both of us if we proceed. I suppose there's a risk of losing any future with her once a 'real' conversation happens, and I admit I selfishly don't want that to happen.
I have lots of male friends and I didn't think this was trolling. But there isn't really anything to discuss. She's married. Find a happy ever after with someone who isn't breaking people's hearts (including her childrens) to be with you and that when you do commit you can trust not to move onto something better when you become the day to day norm. Not to mention that the happy person you think she is won't be who you get once she and her husband start going through the divorce crap. Every divorced friend I have is damned angry. Regardless of whether they were the one chasing greener pastures or not.
I know it’s not relevant and maybe inappropriate to ask, but are you a man or a woman?
Also, how old are you and the woman in question? It would help for some perspective.
I'm a 33 y.o man, she's in her late twenties.
You make her feel special. She likes that you want her more than anything by the sounds of it. She's a bored mum.
I feel sad for you, sounds like this gorgeous woman has showed you some interest, is playing you like a puppet on a string and you are falling in love. Woman can be manipulative bitches and no matter what we say, you won’t listen because you are hooked. I hope the damage to your heart, self esteem and reputation are minimised, I don’t give a crap about what happens to her. Guys can be so blinded sometimes.....sigh....
Apologies for saying you’re a troll, it was just so cliche.
That's OK - I can see how you might think that, it's because I'm so tunnel-visioned and transfixed. Apology unreservedly accepted :)
I agree you've lost perspective and are expecting way too much from this. Having a talk face to face with her is the best way to figure it out, and e best way to protect yourself is to keep your standards high. Don't get involved until you've been on dates and become part of her life, and she's separated of course. If you get into it before that then you can't expect anything from her except what it is, a flirty work fling.
Can you please do yourself a favour and find the book “His needs, Her needs” and read it? You’re filling some needs she has, which is why she’s attracted to you. When the shine wears off though, she’s going to realise that you’re only filling blanks for her. You’re not the real deal. And then you’re going to be heart broken.
I almost got myself into a pretty irreversible situation myself, me being the married one. But I am so thankful I didn’t bomb my family like that. No one is worth me ripping my family apart and torching everything my kids feel secure about. No one. She will regret this and you’ll have to live with that guilt. Stop it before it’s way too late.
Males commenting on how attractive a female co-worker is, be very very careful as sexual harassment in the workplace is a huge no no nowadays 😬
A comment that someone is attractive is not sexual harassment. There is nothing in this thread that makes me think these men are being harassing so I hope that your warning is for them to cover their ass against a trouble making seld confessed flirt.
Honestly you remind me of the guy I kissed once who then thought we were going to get married. He basically became my stalker because he imagined a ‘connection’ over a meaningless kiss.
You need to shake yourself out of this now. You have lost perspective and you are only seeing what you want to see.
You have imagined that you have something deeper than she has with her husband. You can’t possibly know what her relationship is like because you’ve never met them and you’ve never seen them together, in public or behind closed doors.
The fact this woman is doing this to you, shows you she isn’t a nice or honourable person. Do you really want to be with someone who is like that?
I don’t think she needs to stay with her husband but a good person ends one relationship before starting another. But how she treats your husband is how she will treat you.
You said yourself she describes herself as ‘flirty’, that means you are not the only one she plays with. She does this ALL the TIME.
This doesn't sound genuine like a set up I am sorry I am not buying it