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My MOST EMBARRASSING moment EVER…………………………

By | 3 Comments | Published: May 17, 2012

Picture this;

My kids and I driving along.  It was a beautiful spring day, our windows were down.  Blue sky.  Wind blowing our hair.

We were all dressed up very excited.  We were heading off to a baby shower..

We pulled up at a stop light.

And I, ummm…. started to ahhh, clear out my nose-  As you do when you’re stoped at traffic lights..

There was no-one around no-one could see. Well that was what I thought!

Next minute a big dude sporting a black jacket and Harley Davidson pulls up beside me.

He turns to me and says.  “We’re you just throwing stuff out your window.

I just stared back.. WTF.. My god! – I think tears even sprung to my eyes.. Tears of MY GOD.. I can NOT believe this is happening!!

I think we stared at each other for which seemed live FOREVER…. His face growing angrier and redder by the second..

My weak little voice replied.

“ummm, Yeah, My Snot!

He just turned back around.. and drove off.

I sat there just PISSING myself laughing!! – Just wishing that someone was sitting beside me.. I mean seriously does that shit actually happen??

 

Posted in About Me | 3 Comments

Should I be ashamed of taking Anti Depressants?

By | 25 Comments | Published: May 15, 2012

I have had this question  going through my mind over and over and over.

Should I share? Should I keep this to myself?

I have many friends/colleagues/ business associates that read my blog so would it be silly of me to share such private information?

I then went on question myself.  Well is that being completely honest?  Or is it half a truth? Is it half a story?  I thought further, I delved deeper.  Why would I not tell people?

Was it the fear of being judged? Was it the fear of not being good enough? Was it the fear that people wouldn’t  think I’m “cookoo”?  Was it the fear that people may think I’m weak?

A voice within me said “You must share” Why hide from the truth?”  ”Don’t try to be something you’re not”.

“Don’t let the pressure of what people think keep you from telling the truth”.

It’s actually something I really believe in.. Truth that is.. I’m not going to pretend I live in a perfect world.  That shit doesn’t exist.

I wake up every day and I believe that you have a choice, of course you do. You can choose.  But sometimes you need help and sometimes you need to choose that.

Upon reflection and… and actually I think I did know at the time that The Imperfect Mum fb page was sort of taking over…  I would spend hours upon hours moderating the page.  Pulling people into line..

There has been domestic violence issues where I had to ring the police.  There has been child abuse allegations.  This shit is real, it happens every day but my problem was I was taking it on. – (And I now know issues like these need to be dealt with professionals which i’m not).

When issues would arise my body would go tense,  I would forget to breath, I would be riddled with pins and needles.  This was nearly on an everyday bases I was taking on everyone else’s “stuff” I was carrying it around. It was weighing very heavy on me.

My husband lost me for about 6 months.. and I sort of lost myself.. So that’s when I took myself off to the doc’s and that’s when we both decided it was best for me to take them.
They have helped, they are certainly different to how they are perceived..

I’m certainly not saying “it’s the thing to do”  and it’s certainly not for everyone.

It’s like a bit of a band-aid fix.   With the help of my coach Kirr White I am slowly making some major changes which include an array of things including  puting paremetres around the Imperfect Mum fb page, exercise, diet,  meditation, some rituals to calm me .. If I don’t I’m not going to be any use to anyone.

Taking anti-depressants is  not a long term thing for me,  but its right for me right now.

So there you go, maybe an overshare for some, but you know what, I will tell you how it is and that’s how it is right now.

I will hold my head high.  You know why?

“Because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Do you need to re-think the way your living? Do you need to simplify?

 

Posted in Mental Health | 25 Comments

Our Sisterhood’s code of conduct

By | 12 Comments | Published: May 8, 2012

Background and context

The reason for me having to write “a code of conduct” is due to the fact that we have about 150 new Imperfect Mum’s join our sisterhood each week.  And not everyone understands our culture, or my vision.  

There have been a few instances (like this morning) where you have all pulled people “into line” and I appreciate that.

It now means that I, nor I.M2 do not have to moderate the questions.  This has lifted a huge burden of my shoulders not to mention so much less stress, and time.

It was sort of taking over my life, which of course was not good for my health nor my family.  So I am now taking care of my children’s mother and my husband’s wife.  They need me….

I am also blessed to have Kelly Dee ( I.M2)  join our sisterhood in an official way – Kelly  helps me to re-post questions and also donates allotments of time which allows me to completely relax.

 

My Vision

Unfortunately in our society not all people have a good network round them. Our ‘old style” village no longer exists .  I wanted to create a space where people could feel safe to ask all sorts of questions – Judgement free.  People message the page or write on the wall and I re-post.

Some questions may sound “out there” or  ”Silly” to some but who are we to judge.   We have all been in situations in our lives we are not proud of or may not want to share with anyone for fear of being  judged.    So the imperfect mum facebook  is especially designed for that very reason.

As they say “you cannot know someone or judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes”

This is  place where all woman are accepted and encouraged to be the best they could possibly be.  “Judgement Free”.

Our behaviour within this sisterhood  can contribute positively to creating a beautiful and harmonious community in which we can all be inspired.  However, when behaviour is inappropriate or dysfunctional it can have serious implications on us all.

 

Purpose

This applies to all Imperfect Mum’s and relates to the behaviour of our community towards each other. Our sisterhood commits to encouraging a safe, supportive and and non-judgemental advice and environment.

 

Equality and Justice

People are to be treated fairly. In a just community all people should be treated with Respect.  Respect that empowers others.

Respect on the basis of which individuals become members of our community and accept their social responsibilities to behave with integrity.

For example, dealing with disagreements by reasonable manner rather than by using language (word and tone) that have the effect of attacking or demeaning the questioner.

I will uphold this culture.  No-one will be put down or made to feel inadequate on our page.

 

I would like to finish with a picture.. The picture that I imagine..  I like to think of us all sitting around a camp fire.   Sharing advice, love light and laughter.. This is an image that comes to my mind often..

You are all my friends, sure I have not met you, but I do care about you, and I thank you for trusting in this page and in this culture..

 

Posted in Uncategorized, Why I started The Imperfect Mum | 12 Comments

Do you think you’re ok? – I’m not ,and I’m sharing that with you.. SHIT!

By | 72 Comments | Published: April 28, 2012

 

 

What does ok mean? does it mean that you are happy? Does it mean that you feel good about yourself?

Do you  look in the mirror and say, you know what I’m ok?

When you are walking along and happen to see yourself in a reflection.. What do you see? Do you see a beautiful smile looking back at you? or do you see everything you need to change?

I  recently  looked in the mirror  seen  all sorts of horrible things about me.  And this voice in my head LOUDLY said.

“You’re  a pretty shit mum”

“You’re pretty shit at your job”

“What are you actually achieving with your life”

“You’re actually not good at much”

Tears  streaming down my face.  I had completely crucified myself.  I didn’t need anyone else to I had done it to myself.

That then lead to the belief that it’s all true and everyone else must think the same.  Even to the point that if someone gave me  a compliment I would think they were lying or just “pissing in my pocket”

It  also lead to paranoia  where  I would be doing the groceries and I would feel someone watching me trying to control my kids and I would hear that voice. “See they think you’re a shit mum too”

I knew I was heading down a slippery path.  I knew that belief could completely  take over my life .. It could consume me it could  become a part of me.  And that could lead to all sorts of problems.

It could  kill any sort of dream I had/have.

So I decided to take myself off to the doc’s.  I know I needed help. I knew that I just needed up bit of help to climb back up, before it over took me.

Stress and anxiety are my main problems.  Anyone from the outside looking in would think everything was fine.. But it isn’t /wasn’t – When I spoke to the doc he said ” do you think you’re depressed”

“No of course not, I’m not a negative person”  ’I'm an upbeat person”. “I’m not depressed” But depression does not always mean you are down as such it effects all people very differently.

So I came to the realisation that I was possibly depressed. – SHIT!

So here starts my journey of trying to climb out of the hole I’m currently in.. My friends may get a bit of a shock reading this… But for some reason I find it easier to tell the internet rather than telling them.. Insane right…  Possibly!

The reason I find it so important to share this journey is because I know/feel there are many people that feel the same..

We close the door slide down the back of it and cry..

Crying is good yes? But crying alone is not!

As I said I will be sharing my journey.   And please share yours.  But please remember to contact a professional (like I did)

Just want to finish with, I will be ok, no need to worry, I will get there, I am a very strong person.  I just need a little help. XXX

Here are some details.

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?

http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/

http://www.headspace.org.au/

Posted in Mental Health | 72 Comments

Top tips on how take portrait photos! – *Snigger*

By | 11 Comments | Published: April 27, 2012


 

History: Kelly (I.M 2) and I used to work together here. Kelly was the production editor, I was the Creative Director.

Scene: We had taken our kids to Macca’s Redlynch, Cairns. We had already been there 3 hours- Happy kids = Happy Mum’s..

Me: “Hey Kelly I need you to take some new photos of me.  “My hair has changed so much so I need an updated pic”

Kelly: Ok, then when do you want to do it?

Me: “Oh ummm.. we could do it now”?

Kelly: *Confused look* What! Here?

Me: “Yeah I will just whack some lippy on”.

Kelly: “All I have is my phone”.

Me:”That’ll do, even if there just practice ones”.

Kelly: Ok, well sit over there, there is a chocolate wall that’ll be a good back-ground.

Me: Cool.

This was the result, how bloody HILARIOUS! we couldn’t believe it! – obviously they are low res.. But the lighting (in some) and background were perfect!

Ohhh and I would LOVE your opinion on which one is your favorite? (I have mixed up the numbers.. So not good at this technical stuff..

Read More »

Posted in Photography | 11 Comments

The most influential figures in your childs life – Besides YOU!

By | 0 Comments | Published: April 24, 2012

Our children are our number one priority and we all strive to be the best possible mentor to them.  But let’s face it – we cannot do it alone.  I like to think of the village approach – each person in your child’s life has something important to contribute towards their future.  Building and maintaining strong positive relationships with the key figures in your child’s life can enhance and strengthen the bond between you and your child.

Once your child starts school, one of most influential figures in your child’s life is their teacher, so it is very important to work together to achieve the best outcomes for your child.  Here are some tips on how you can foster a sense of partnership with your child’s teacher.

  • Be positive about your child’s teacher and School.
  • If times permits offer to volunteer your time in the classroom.
  • Consider donating classroom supplies or a gift certificate to a store where teachers can purchase materials for the classroom. (You’d be surprised how many supplies teachers buy with their own money!)
  • Communication is the key. Let the teacher know if there are issues or circumstances in your child’s life that may affect how your child performs at school. This will ensure that they are aware of your child’s needs in advance, helping them to be proactive – rather than reactive.
  • Try to stay involved!  Ben and I working parents so I do understand it is sometimes difficult to make it to some events.  If I cannot make it I will “check in” to see if any other family members (Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles) have any spare time to attend.
  • Remember that the teacher is a person first.  Don’t forget to say “thank you”.  Respect their schedule – what may be a good time for you may not be a good time for them.
  • Don’t forget to acknowledge all of the School Staff, Teacher aids, Office Staff, and Playground duty staff.
  • If you are impressed by your child’s teacher make sure you let the principal know in person or in writing.
  • If you are unimpressed by your teacher speak to them directly. If nothing improves speak to the principal – do not resort to speaking to other mothers (especially in front of your child).

The most important point to remember is Respect.. I always show respect.  Whether I think the teacher is in the right or wrong, I teach my child to respect them.

Remember – when you are taking your child to school in the morning you are handing them over to one of their life mentors.  This person will be working with your child throughout the year nurturing and encouraging them – not just academically – they will also be imparting social values and contributing towards your child’s emotional development as well.

What are some points you could add?

 

Posted in Education | Leave a comment

I am often asked, Why “The Imperfect Mum”??

By | 25 Comments | Published: April 19, 2012

When I first became a Mother it was such a shock to me. I seriously had no idea that I would find it so overwhelming. After losing our first beautiful angel Titan prematurely; and struggling to hold on to Maya and Tex.  My introduction to Motherhood was quite an interesting one.

When I finally became a Mum I remember one day sitting in my lounge room floor holding Maya; she was absolutely perfect.  Unfortunately though all I could feel was such a deep dark feeling of anxiousness.

I was completely and utterly overwhelmed. I could hear this voice in my head telling me how hopeless I was. This baby deserved so much more, it was like the walls were caving in…. – It was a very scary time – I will NEVER forget that moment.

I also found myself comparing myself to other mothers thinking she has it “so together” I know have come to realise that “she” probably goes home and cries in silence because she doesn’t fell quite adequate herself either.

There are some Mum’s and Dad’s that don’t struggle and I’m genuinely very happy for them, but unfortunately that was not me and I was not going to pretend it was. I remember saying to my sister that I would love to start up some sort of advice line so there could be a place that other Mothers that were struggling could call.

Juggling Motherhood and working didn’t allow something like this to happen but there was always this nagging voice in my mind telling me I had to do “something”. It wasn’t until last year that I finally worked out what that “something” was…  I have always felt like I was an “Imperfect Mum”  so it was the perfect name for my blog and facebook page.

It fitted me “perfectly”. So in June last year the Imperfect Mum as born.

So here we are all together, There is no reason any of us should ever feel alone again.  And please;  just promise me one thing, don’t bloody compare.  And if you are truly in a bad place, ask for help.

Depression, anxiety, and the feeling of being completely overwhelmed truly suck. I have been there I sometimes still are.  That is a fact.  My life is far from perfect.  But you know what that’s ok.. No-one’s is…

Lifeline 131114 or http://www.lifeline.org.au

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Why I started The Imperfect Mum | 25 Comments

Teaching your kids to listen to their Inner Voice..

By | 9 Comments | Published: April 14, 2012

This is not a fluffy post, teaching your kids about their inner voice could save their life.

Whether you call it god, your intuition, your higher self, your gut..

Do you listen? Do you take head?

I remember watching at T.V program in which a man was talking about intuition/gut.

Can’t remember his name.  He was saying that humans, are the only animals on the planet;  that don’t listen to their  gut.

He then went onto explain that  If a deer is in the woods and his “intuition/gut” feels there is danger lurking near.  He will bolt.  No if’s, no buts.  He is GONE!

So why is it when we get that feeling we don’t listen.  We are prepared to open the door to a complete STRANGER  and possibly let them in.  All the while our gut is telling us “NO DANGER”.  I think the main reason we do that is because we don’t want to offend.   Well bugger that, I say!

My point is we all have an in-built inner  voice,  which sadly, we stifle.

If it wasn’t for my “inner voice” The Imperfect Mum would not exist.   It would have been drowned out by the “other” one the one that told me “you’re not good enough” Why do you think you could achieve that”  “You’re  hopeless” – But let’s leave that for another blog post..

Today I want to talk about teaching your kids about their inner voice.

Take some time out to explain to them what their inner voice is.  Try to use “real life” examples .

Also go on to talk about  the feeling they get in their tummy, explain that it’s important to tell Mummy or Daddy if they get a funny feeling in their belly..

It could even be little things like “don’t push me high on the swing because it makes me feel funny in the belly”.  It doesn’t matter what it is.. It’s just teaching them the language of their feelings.

Always keep those communication lines open.  They should  want to/be able to tell you that this person or that situation makes/made them feel funny in the belly.

One thing that is imperative is that they should be able to say ‘no’ that might even come down to saying no about small things.  Like “no I don’t want to wear that shirt” – Obviously within reason .

Try to encourage them to talk about how things make them feel.

Say do you feel like you’re ready to?  or how did that make you feel? or how would you feel if we?

For those kids that don’t like the word feeling  use the word think as in ” What do you think about this? or do you think you may like to?  It’s still their feelings they are just using different wording.

Teach them that it’s very important to tell you when they feel  a certain way.  Kids obviously cant name certain feeling because they haven’t learnt  the words to explain exactly how they feel but that’s ok.  As  long as they try to explain how they feel or what they think.

This will not happen overnight, it’s  something that will take a while and it’s something you need to persist with.. Try to use this language at least once a day.

In finishing I want to say the BEST way for you, to teach your kids about intuition is for you to  practice it yourself, I want you to start to listen . Prick up those ears.  Start to practice listening to your  inner voice. Don’t just ignore.. really listen and take head. It is “inbuilt” for a reason.

Has there been a time in your life that you have stifled your inner voice and regretted it?

Posted in Intuition | 9 Comments

Has a friend ever broken your heart?

By | 14 Comments | Published: April 8, 2012

I remember coming home from school.  I must have been about “8″ maybe.  My heart was broken.  I had just had a fight with a friend,  she had moved on,  she didn’t need me any more.  I was completely shattered.

I remember looking up to my mum, with tears in my eyes.  She bent down and said.  ”Kristy you will only ever have 5 friends” in your life, as in ‘real’ ones.  Your heart will break many times, this is life”.

She then went on to explain it in a deeper scale.  I can’t recall exactly what she said.  But that moment has stuck with me for ever.  And I have come to terms with the fact, that she was soooo right.

Maybe I have a couple more than that.  But I completly “get” what she was saying.  And that’s ok.  I believe  people come into your life for certain “reasons” as in they are their for a purpose and once you have learned what you need too,  they are gone..

I don’t look back on those relationships that have gone and feel sad we are still ‘friends’ just not real ones..

THE BEST time to find out who your real ones are, is when you completely fuck up or your life goes to shit and they’re are still by your side, rubbing your back and saying “you know what, things will be ok!

I  have had many different friends through different stages in my life.  The only ones that I have found to be terribly toxic and heartbreaking are the people that use you as a step, i.e the  ”social climber ones” .. hmmm I think we have all encountered those people.

If you haven’t yet, you will!.   I guarantee it! As soon as you get that feeling that they maybe the case – Stay the hell away! – They are only there for one reason, and one reason only. – Rant over.. sorry…. back to the story..

A few times in my life when I have really have had no-one, as in, no-one “near by”   For various reasons, people moving away.. social situations changing… having kids.. relationships fizzing out.. They were  lonely times.  Although those were the times when I have grown the most.. Made me who I am today.  I wouldn’t change those times  for a moment. ”

The reason for this post is that I want people to know the truth.  Look, please don’t get me wrong I have been blessed with some very deep and rich friendships and I thank god for that.  But one thing I think is important, is to bear in mind the fact that people may come and go.

Friendships do change but that is ok! – It’s ok to keep some forever and it’s ok to wave some goodbye.  It is essential  to know when to walk away, Don’t hold onto something that is dead or toxic it’s no good for all concerned.

Life is about learning lessons and sometimes the hardest lessons are the ones that break your heart.  Change you, make you grow more than you ever have.


 

Posted in Marriage/Relationships | 14 Comments

Social Media- 5 Things bloggers/business should know!

By | 15 Comments | Published: March 20, 2012

I have been receiving emails from people asking for social media tips which i find rather funny because I have no idea what I’m doing .. anyway there are a couple of “things I know’ so here goes…

1.  Work out your theme/purpose 

I decided early what the purpose/mission for my blog was.  So every decision I made from that point was easy. I didn’t need to think too much. When coming up with your direction/theme (“brand” if you like), you need to think about what you want to be “known” for.   Whatever you do don’t copy someone else. It’s very obvious and you come across unauthentic.  Be you and stick to that!

2. Try not to compare

It’s really easy to get caught up in the “numbers”. Put your blinkers on.  Keep your head down and bum up. It’s easy to get distracted and start over-thinking what everyone else is doing. The problem with that is you start to doubt yourself and that gives you brain freeze. It stops your creativity.  There have been days I might post on Facebook and receive 3 comments, as well as days that I post and get 200 comments. Same goes for my blog posts. I try not to get caught up in that. It is hard but you need to focus on the big picture.  Move on…

3. Respect everyone you come across:

Be respectful online as you would be face to face. If someone comes to your page and says “hi” visit their page and say “hi” back.  If someone tweets you tweet them back.  If you’re in business don’t feel that it’s ok to post your business advertising or blog links on someone’s page. Think of it like this, would you walk into someone’s business and start putting posters up without asking if it was ok? Ahh no you wouldn’t.   At least introduce yourself and ask if it’s ok. Some people don’t mind. In fact they may encourage it.  But do your homework first.  Get to know the ‘culture’ of the page (before) you approach them. If someone peeves you off go to bed and sleep on it you can read my post about that here.

4. Help others succeed

Actively promote others, but don’t expect they will promote you in return.  Do it because you believe in them and believe in what they are saying or selling. I actively promote people that I “feel” align with me, as in, have the same purpose.

5.  BE YOU BE YOU BE YOU!!

You have probably noticed I have talked about being you throughout this whole blog post. I honestly believe that is THE MOST important point.  Be Honest, Be Real whatever you do don’t underestimate people.  Humans have a great inbuilt bullshit detector.- That’s why it’s easier to just be You and be honourable with your intentions.

If you need help with any sort of Social Media contact these guys…

Have you got any points to add? Have I missed anything out? or is there something you want to know?

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments

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