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Our Sisterhood’s code of conduct

By | 19 Comments | Published: May 8, 2012

Background and context

The reason for me having to write “a code of conduct” is due to the fact that we have about 350 new Imperfect Mum’s join our sisterhood each week.  And not everyone understands our culture, or my vision.  

There have been a few instances (like this morning) where you have all pulled people “into line” and I appreciate that.

It now means that I, nor I.M2 do not have to moderate the questions.  This has lifted a huge burden of my shoulders not to mention so much less stress, and time.

It was sort of taking over my life, which of course was not good for my health nor my family.  So I am now taking care of my children’s mother and my husband’s wife.  They need me….

I am also blessed to have Kelly Dee ( I.M2)  join our sisterhood in an official way – Kelly  helps me to re-post questions and also donates allotments of time which allows me to completely relax.

 

My Vision

Unfortunately in our society not all people have a good network round them. Our ‘old style” village no longer exists .  I wanted to create a space where people could feel safe to ask all sorts of questions – Judgement free.  People message the page or write on the wall and I re-post.

Some questions may sound “out there” or  ”Silly” to some but who are we to judge.   We have all been in situations in our lives we are not proud of or may not want to share with anyone for fear of being  judged.    So the imperfect mum facebook  is especially designed for that very reason.

As they say “you cannot know someone or judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes”

This is  place where all woman are accepted and encouraged to be the best they could possibly be.  “Judgement Free”.

Our behaviour within this sisterhood  can contribute positively to creating a beautiful and harmonious community in which we can all be inspired.  However, when behaviour is inappropriate or dysfunctional it can have serious implications on us all.

 

Purpose

This applies to all Imperfect Mum’s and relates to the behaviour of our community towards each other. Our sisterhood commits to encouraging a safe, supportive and and non-judgemental advice and environment.

 

Equality and Justice

People are to be treated fairly. In a just community all people should be treated with Respect.  Respect that empowers others.

Respect on the basis of which individuals become members of our community and accept their social responsibilities to behave with integrity.

For example, dealing with disagreements by reasonable manner rather than by using language (word and tone) that have the effect of attacking or demeaning the questioner.

I will uphold this culture.  No-one will be put down or made to feel inadequate on our page.

 

I would like to finish with a picture.. The picture that I imagine..  I like to think of us all sitting around a camp fire.   Sharing advice, love light and laughter.. This is an image that comes to my mind often..

You are all my friends, sure I have not met you, but I do care about you, and I thank you for trusting in this page and in this culture..

 

Posted in Why I started The Imperfect Mum | 19 Comments

A Quick 5 Step Manifesto on how to live a fulfilled life.

By | 7 Comments | Published: May 15, 2013

1. Turn your inner voice up

Turn it up REAL LOUD!

Listen to your own thoughts and your own feeling on matters.  Dull the chattering voices,  you don’t need to  look to others to hear what have to say.   It’s time to start looking within.  The voice is there, it may be quiet,  you just need to practice listening to it, this may take time, but honestly practice listening, it will get louder the more you listen. xx

2. Don’t compare yourself with others

It’s really easy to get caught up other peoples successes,   The problem with comparison it that is you start to doubt yourself;  and you start to pick yourself apart.  They are them you are you.    Don’t sell yourself short by comparing yourself to them.

3. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover 

Be respectful to everyone you meet.  You can not possibly know someone from a 2 minute encounter. You can not assume they are not worthy of your time because they are different to you; or people that you normally spend time with.  You never know, this person may be in your life to teach you something, or you may have just met a new friend.


4. Activley  practice Self Care

Self-care covers a broad range of behaviours and activities, designed to enhance and nurture your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

Self care means different things to different people. There is no set formula of what you “should” be doing in order to take care of yourself. The  only  ‘should’  about  these  activities  is  that  they  be  things  that  you engage in regularly and that they edify and lift you up! – Read more about Self Care here

5.  BE YOU BE YOU BE YOU!!

I honestly believe this is THE MOST important point.  Be Honest, Be Real!  Whatever you do don’t try to be someone else. Humans have a great inbuilt bullshit detector and it comes off as insincere.- That’s why it’s easier to just be You!  And once you really settle into being you and listening to your own voice, people will be drawn to you because you will be comfortable in your own skin.

Image taken by Amy 

Have you got any points to add? I would love to grow this list so please share other points. xx

Posted in Life Lessons, Self Care | 7 Comments

Port Douglas Carnivale

By | 9 Comments | Published: May 8, 2013

The Port Douglas Carnivale is NEXT WEEKEND!! This year I will be taking my family and I’ll be sharing my mini holiday with you.

I love The Port Douglas Carnivale, it’s such a fantastic event.  It’s an event that you could either take your kids and have a nice family weekend away; or you can make it a “date weekend” with hubby.

This year we’re going up as a family and here’s our schedule: *(Tip take notes of our schedule as it will be the bases of my next giveaway which is a Sunset Sail Trip)

Friday 17th May

We’re heading up on the Friday afternoon and we”ll be attending the “Street Parade” – Free Event

It’s starts at 4pm with entertainment, music, street theatre, markets stalls, rides and amusements.  So we will be there as early as we possibly can, we don’t want to miss a thing! The the street parade starts at 7 pm followed by Fireworks at 9pm

 

Saturday 18th Of May 

We’ll be heading to the ”The Carnivale Beach Day” – Free Event

The day starts at 6am, with a series of holistic activities including Meditation, Yoga and Tai Chi. I would love to go the that, but I reckon I may be snoring in bed.

There will be a dedicated Kids Fun Zone sandcastle competition, treasure hunt and giant water slide, as well as the market place serving food, refreshments and gifts on the Esplanade.

Local buskers, art happenings, pony rides and street theatre performers will be all over the beach, and there will even be a skydiving display! so come along, join in and celebrate with the local community on this happy, creative and energetic day of fun.  Saturday night , We’re having the kids minded and we’re getting all “dressed up” to attend the outdoor food and wine festival.

Sunday 19th Of May

You will find me relaxing  by the pool, with a cocktail in hand listening to smooth grooves at QT there will also have punch jugs and local and imported beers, all served alongside yummy food offerings including  wood fired pizzas, and specialised spit roast on the lawn.

Now, That’s what I call a weekend!

I have only showcased 3 days there are heaps more activities over this 10 day festival check them out here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Give Aways, My Adventures | 9 Comments

“I Need to Lose Weight”- Public declaration!

By | 88 Comments | Published: May 4, 2013

Over the past few years I’ve slowly put on a impressive amount of weight. I would go as to far as saying I’ve neglected myself, I didn’t take care of  what was going in my mouth.  I’m not a sweet tooth.  I just don’t think I was giving my body enough nutrients.  Nor was I eating the right food for my body type.

I put myself LAST. No self care at all.  I have decided, I’m CHANGING that!

I’ve joined  a Community Health & Wellness Challenge.  A challenge is good for me I like to challenge myself it’s only 30 days. So, I’m committing to that 30 Days like no other. I’m giving up Wine. *Inner scream*

And I will be exercising and watching every bloody thing that passes my lips.  I WANT TO WIN THIS!

I want to win it for ME!!! Me is crying out to be looked after.

If you would like to join me (we will even have our very own private I.M FB Page, so we can barrack each other on) Please comment below if you would like to know more and I will be in touch. – WITH YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS or Mobile number. Or email me at kristyvallely@gmail.com xxx

 

p.s You can’t beat me ok?

p.p.s You can win up to $7500 in prizes.

 

Posted in About Me | 88 Comments

I’m Sharing My Journey Of Self Care, With YOU!

By | 7 Comments | Published: May 2, 2013

Motherhood is full of  love, sacrifices, good times, bad times, interruptions, refereeing, never ending demands,  and many interesting experiences which can leave us drained and overwhelmed.

And not to mention the fact that we can sometimes lose ourselves as we are FOREVER putting other peoples needs before our own.

In order to be a great mum, you must look after yourself, your marriage and your life.

I believe Self Care is the key, if your life is happy and fulfilled your children’s will be too.   However, as much as I believe in Self Care I’m still not  so so good as it myself.  So I’m going to change that. You have to practice what you preach right?? RIGHT!

I have a friend Kirri White, she is a coach, her tag line is Reclaim Your Life.  Celebrate Your Worth.  I just love that. Anyway, she has offered gifted me with an online Self Care course, It’s an individualised action plan that is based on the pillars of Self-Care, Self Knowledge and Self-love(C).  Today is day 2 of the course and I wanted to share my journey with you, so here’s a video on a little bit about what I will be doing. Don’t laugh at me too much ha ha!! The video might take a min or two to come up so just hold onto your hat. :)

Posted in Self Care, Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Win A Girls W’end Away in Port Douglas

By | 256 Comments | Published: April 20, 2013

The Give away includes:

  • 2 night’s accommodation in a QT Two Bedroom Villa
  • Breakfast daily for two in Bazaar restaurant
  • Welcome cocktails for two
  • A one hour spa treatment per person in spaQ, our brand new day spa
  • One dinner for two people in Bazaar, including Bazaar interactive marketplace style dining experience and a bottle of wine
Prizes are non-transferable and may not be redeemed for cash. 
If you would like to know more about QT or Port Douglas Click here.

To Enter all you need to do is comment below and tell us in 200 words or less about who you would bring and why.  Inspire us with your friendship story.  

I personally would love enter but can’t – OBVIOUSLY ha ha.. The photo below is my bestie and I, she lives on the Gold Coast and I never get to see her.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” – Henri Noumen

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.”

― William Shakespeare

GOOD LUCK!!

Posted in Give Aways | 256 Comments

Kelly’s (I.M2′s) Emotional week.

By | 5 Comments | Published: March 31, 2013

It’s been an emotional rollercoaster of a week for me – coming to a real climax today…

Last weekend, I was blessed to be in Melbourne for a book release. It was my first time flying to Melbourne and the time spent with family was precious.

The book that was released is titled ‘Heartbreakingly Beautiful’ which is the perfect description! It is ’52 week devotional journey of hope, inspired by the life of Bethany Wake’

Beautiful Bethany passed away at the young age of 15 from an aggressive brain cancer in 2011.

Read More »

Posted in Kelly's (I.M 2's) Posts | 5 Comments

Easy Gluten Free Lasagna

By | 2 Comments | Published: March 26, 2013

Lightly fry onions (2 brown 1 purple)and add to browned mince.

Season well with Salt and Pepper.

Add Sauce and whole peeled tomatoes, both of these are cheap and work well.

Cook for 3-4 hours on low, stirring occasionally.

Trick the kids by adding a heap of small cubed carrots, mushrooms, eggplant and any other veg that you have in your fridge that you think with compliment the sauce.


Layout everything you need including utensils for layering.

Then layer.  Mince, Gluten Free Pasta sheets or Mountain Bread, Bechamel sauce – Repeat.

If you’re on a short time-frame or you’re a slacker like me use this already made Bechamel Sauce.

Top with Cheese and Pop into a pre-heated oven at 180 for about an hour and a half.

Pull out and cover with tinfoil and pop a clean folded teatowel over the top to keep warm, we want the lasagna to set, so leave for about 15 minutes –  this step is quite important.

Serve with a green salad.

ENJOY!

Kristy Vallely – The Imperfect Mum

Posted in Cooking, Gluten Free | Tagged | 2 Comments

How I gave up Antidepressants!

By | 7 Comments | Published: March 21, 2013

I feel like I am free again.  Or, maybe a better way to explain it would be, I feel my life is finally under-control.

I first admitted having problems last year.

There were many things happening in my life at that stage, mainly a legal issue that has now been resolved.

I really felt like I was drowning and my life was kinda out of control so that’s when I decided to take antidepressants.

It was the best thing I could have done at that particular time in my life.

However I knew it was never going to be a permanent thing and I also knew it was a band-aid fix.  I knew there were lots of things I needed to sort out.

Besides the main problem (the legal one) that was kind of out of my hands the other issues I think were mainly the pressure that I allowed The Imperfect Mum have on my life.

I really needed to put some boundaries up and I really needed to sort some things out.  Besides those two issues, I believe one of my biggest problems was disorganization.

I was so overwhelmed with everything around me I didn’t really know where to start.

The clutter and the noise really took over.  Since making some really small changes in regards to how I live my life and how I disciplined the kids i.e making sure they stuck to their routine.  And making them responsible for certain things.  Have really helped me and them.

It’s incredible how these little changes have had such a huge impact.  So I have decided that over the next couple of months I will share some of  those with you.

It’s nothing out of the box they are just simple little things you can implement straight away.

Besides the practical changes in my life I allowed myself plenty of time to slowly cut out the antidepressants and made sure there were no external stresses in my life.

I didn’t want to put myself or my family under undue stress and most importantly wanted to succeed in cutting them out of my life.

I ended up being on ‘them’ for 15 months so it was important to do it properly.

It took about a month of cutting the dosage down then spacing out the days so firstly I went from 100grams to 50 grams then once my body responded to that I then spaced out the days from every second to third to forth.

I am proud of myself for giving them away, however I am extra proud of the fact that I made the right decision for myself and family and took the step in seeing a GP and decided that I needed them during that stressful period in my life.

It is very important that if you feel like you are suffering from some sort of mental illness that you act, don’t let the stigma that is attached to mental health rule your decisions or your actions.

It’s important that you act and do the right thing for not just you but your family also.

Have you ever experienced depression or anxiety?

Here are some links if you http://www.headspace.org.au/

http://www.beyondblue.org.au

All the best! 

Kristy – The Imperfect mum xx

 

 

 

Posted in About Me, Mental Health | 7 Comments

“WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY!!” xKelly (IM2)

By | 7 Comments | Published: March 19, 2013

“WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY!!” I overheard the tired frazzled mum yelling at her boy as he threw himself on the floor in a tantrum next to the shopping centre ride.

Coming from a family of 6, I heard these words a lot growing up. It seemed we never had enough money for anything and without realising it, the subliminal message of what my parents were teaching me started to become ingrained in my mind.

Money will get you things.
Money will make you happy.
Money is the answer to all your problems.

We always seem to need more money.

I’m a do-er. See a problem, fix it! And so while young, my head told me I wanted more money – and I started working as soon as I was able to. My parents couldn’t afford to buy me everything I wanted, so I will get the money myself.

As soon as I could, I started looking for work after school – and was hired by Kristy’s mum who runs Harleys Educational on English Street in Cairns. “Just give that girl a job!” I still remember her saying when I visited the store for the umpteenth time asking for work. (Thanks Jenny!)

I worked before school, after school, skipped sports carnivals to work, worked on weekends, school holidays – anytime I had free and the shop was open – I wanted to be there! I had my eyes on the money!

I think my parents were happy that I was so eager to work instead of doing what most teenagers were doing instead. They were proud of the daughter who knew you don’t get something for nothing. I thank my parents so much for that life lesson.

The people I worked with became my second family (it’s where I first met Kristy) as we all spent so much of life together. I had a lot of fun and was so fortunate to be working in a place where they not only employed you, but cared enough about you to mould you for the future. Some kids are not so lucky.

They also taught me so many life lessons there I will always be grateful for.

But it wasn’t until I quit full time work to have my first child that I realised how seriously out of whack my priorities in life were. It was good to get out of the “work to eat to play to sleep to work” routine and suddenly this new little person in my world exploded what was my never ending mission to get more money.

Suddenly the greater asset became time.

This became even more concrete when my father had serious health issues and we were close to losing him. If the cancer took him, would I have regrets about not spending enough time with him?

Isn’t that what we always want while we weep for lost ones? More time?

Money is a tough one, because we do need it. But sometimes we need to stop and ask the question

How much is enough? When will we be content?

I recently shared a message with the kids at our youth group about living more simply. Instead of looking at what you don’t have – take a good look at what you do. I think the message was indeed for me also. I still can’t read a junk mail catalogue without wanting something else (which is why my letter box says ‘No Junk Mail’ now!)

So difficult in the flow of life where everything is screaming at us to get more. Media is full of it.

So what do I really want to say when I tell my children ‘no’ to that toy or shop ride?

Now that my older two understand finances more, we have been taking the time to think about the message our ‘no’ is sending them.

We are not poor. We eat every day and have a roof over our heads – which is a lot more than most of the majority of the world do. Why are we as humans always searching for more??

I often tell our kids we can afford it – but instead we want to be wise with the money we have been given and spend it on things that last. Or share to help other people in more need then us. This makes us happier too – and 2 for the price of 1 is a great bargain in anyone’s books!

Anyway, just my mind ramblings. Thanks for taking the time to read – I do appreciate it – and hope you feel content with where you are in this massive scale.

How do you stop yourself when you’ve had enough? How do you feel content?

xKelly

Posted in Kelly's (I.M 2's) Posts, Life Lessons | 7 Comments

Our 4 yr old, pulled a knife on his 7yr old brother. – A mothers story!

By | 3 Comments | Published: March 18, 2013

After reading a post a while ago on The Imperfect Mum fb page, alarm bells started ringing and the similarities between the behavioural problems described in the post of the 4yo boy eerily mirror what my son has/is going through, so I would like to share my family’s story.

(By no means am I saying that this is the problem of that IM’s child, but I just want to emphasise why this kind of behaviour CANNOT and SHOULD NOT be ignored – even if it turns out to be nothing, it is better to be safe than sorry)

Up until my son was 3 and a half, he was an insanely happy, cheeky, friendly, caring and outgoing child. He was loved by everyone and would light up an entire room whenever he smiled. Until he just “changed”. It seemed like it happened overnight. He became violent, aggressive, withdrawn and “dark”.

His behaviour ended up getting him expelled from daycare shortly after his 4th birthday. He would lash out at other children, adults, our dog, and everyone or anyone who paid him any type of attention.

We spent at least 6 months trying to get doctors (GP’s) to listen to our concerns and take us seriously. We finally got a referral to a public paediatrician, however we were told that the waiting list was at least 6 months.

So we also got the GP to refer us to a private paediatrician. After a $400 appointment that only lasted about 45 minutes, this private paediatrician told us that our son was just a very bright boy, to the point that he was too smart for his own good and we as parents just didn’t have the parenting skills to be able to “handle him”.

Had we not had an older child, we probably would have believed what this paediatrician told us. But the fact that we had raised both boys the same, and our older child didn’t have any behavioural issues, we knew that it wasn’t “our fault” that our younger son was behaving this way.

We went back to the GP and had a colourful conversation (to say the least) and we ended up getting fast tracked to see the public paediatrician.

This paediatrician listened to our concerns and agreed that something was not right, so she referred us to our local Child and Youth Mental Health Service (CYMHS).

We finally got to see a child psychologist and went to the appointment prepared. We had letters from the daycare centre etc noting the changes in our son’s behaviour and photos etc. This psychologist listened and agreed that our son needed more visits to determine what was going on.

A couple of days after that first appointment, our 4 and a half year old son, pulled a knife on his 7 and a half year old brother. He was taken by ambulance, restrained, to the hospital.

We were not taken seriously by the staff at the hospital, our son was threatening to go and get the security guard’s gun to shoot himself with, and if he couldn’t do that, he would get something sharp and start stabbing people until the security guard shot him dead. But because of his age, his threats were not taken seriously, yes, I know that he couldn’t have really done anything, but seriously, WHAT 4YO EVEN THINKS LIKE THAT????

After a couple more appointments with the psychologist, our son was admitted into the Child and Family Therapy Unit (basically a psych ward for children). They were really not much help because they are so understaffed they were unable to spend much time observing our son.

We were sent home after 2 weeks there and shortly after, our son demonstrated some inappropriate behaviour. We explained this behaviour to his psychologist, and she sent us home with a book for us to read to him. It was all about “Yummy touches and Yucky touches”.

This was just supposed to teach him in a gentle way about boundaries. However, what happened after we read that book changed our family forever. The question at the end of the book was something like, “has anyone ever given you a yucky touch?”

Our son then disclosed the most horrifying thing any parent could ever hear. Yes, he had been sexually abused (by someone outside of our family – he told us who etc).

Details continue to be disclosed slowly, and he is now on medication to help regulate his moods and anxiety. He suffers from PTSD. As a family, we have all been going through hell trying to help our son/brother and it hasn’t gotten any easier because we don’t know all of the “triggers” yet.

We know that none of what our son has said is a lie, because #1: at the age of disclosure, he could not possibly have “imagined”, or made up the kind of things he said, nor was he ever exposed to any such material in our house.
And #2: he can still tell you what happened to him 3 years on. His psychologist has advised us that if it was a made up story, he couldn’t have kept it going for this long.

I am only sharing this because the IM who posted about her son’s behaviours had received a few comments saying that the behaviour is more than likely harmless. And maybe in her case it is, but, steps need to be taken to ease your own mind that there is nothing deeper to his behaviour, because what you described was like looking back at my household over 3 years ago.

So please at least get your son looked at and assessed. Just to be on the safe side. Good luck IM and I hope all turns out okay.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments