Our Sisterhood’s code of conduct

My Vision

Unfortunately in our society not all people have a good network round them. Our ‘old style” village no longer exists. I wanted to create a space where people could feel safe to ask all sorts of questions – Judgement free. 

Some questions may sound “out there” or ”Silly” to some, but who are we to judge. We have all been in situations in our lives we are not proud of or may not want to share with anyone for fear of being judged. So the imperfect mum facebook is especially designed for that very reason.

As they say “you cannot know someone or judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes”

This is place where all woman are accepted and encouraged to be the best they could possibly be. “Judgement Free”.

Our behaviour within this sisterhood can contribute positively to creating a beautiful and harmonious community in which we can all be inspired. However, when behaviour is inappropriate or dysfunctional it can have serious implications on us all.

Purpose

This applies to all Imperfect Mum’s and relates to the behaviour of our community towards each other. Our sisterhood commits to encouraging a safe, supportive and and non-judgemental advice and environment.

Equality and Justice

People are to be treated fairly. In a just community all people should be treated with Respect. Respect that empowers others.

Respect on the basis of which individuals become members of our community and accept their social responsibilities to behave with integrity.

For example, dealing with disagreements by reasonable manner rather than by using language (word and tone) that have the effect of attacking or demeaning the questioner.

I will uphold this culture. No-one will be put down or made to feel inadequate on The Imperfect Mum.

I would like to finish with a picture.. The picture that I imagine.. I like to think of us all sitting around a camp fire. Sharing advice, love light and laughter.. This is an image that comes to my mind often..

You are all my friends, sure I have not met you, but I do care about you, and I thank you for trusting in this sisterhood  and in this culture..

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Life Lessons

28 Replies

Sonia@ LIfe Love and Hiccups

Huni you are such an amazing woman. You know I love ya right? xxxx

The Imperfect Mum

Hey Sonia, Ohhh Yes I do, and you know I love you right?

Zoé. F

You're awesome, the page is awesome. Its funny cause it's the same image I get!!
When I see people posting horrible answers to questions I arc up! I don't mean to and I certainly don't want to add fuel to the fire, but who knows if the person typing their sometimes very personal questions will take the one negative comment to heart!
I feel like I'm friends with a lot of the mums ( quite odd really) and I am extremely protective of people in need, so I will Pre-apologize for 'sticking my nose in' to protect an IM :)

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks so much Zoe!!! Ohhh that is so lovely that you get the same image darlin X

Please don't apologize.. We need you to stick your nose in to protect our community.

Xx

Kirri

This is just beautiful Kristy. I adore your vision and all that you have created. I feel blessed to know you x

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh, I feel blessed to know you.. You spring to my mind often and I hear your little voice telling me what I need to do! -

Bless you Kirri LOVE YOU!

Melody Forrester

Well put.

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks Melody! X

Cathy O'Harding

It's sad that you have to spell it out for some. Thanks for creating imperfect mum!

The Imperfect Mum

Pleasure Catherine, Writing that was cathartic.. I feel lighter. X

Susan Morris

It's unfortunate that we live in a society where there really are some individuals who are as emotionally unintelligent as they are intellectually. Emotional intelligence is taught and currently the universe appears to lack teachers of this skill. I love the fact the IM's reply to this behavior in an emotionally intelligent manner ( for the most part) and the offenders just slink off into the dark, hopefully learning a new skill about social interaction and empathy. It's sad that we need a code of ethics, howevers it's wonderful that it's only required for the minority! :)

The Imperfect Mum

How beautifully written Susan! - So very true! XX

Tolmie 2

I wish this sort of thing was around when i had my kids would have been nice to talk to other people that where going through the same thing

Liz Alldridge

it took me a while! sorry about that. but great image...I also imagine glass of wine in hand. ;-) 5 mths After my first son was born I found my self in QEII utterly sleep deprived, anxious and suffering PND, a beautiful midwife helped me with a lot of things in that week, including how to get my baby to sleep longercthan 40 mins, but she explained to me that it is such an unatural way we bring up children in our time now, so many of us are living away from family, friends our childhood networks etc and are raising our children with little support ( as I was, at this time, but had baby 2,3, & 4 back in my home town) its a lonely place to be and I wish I had people to learn from, share with because the experience was so tough on my own....I love what you provide here Kristy cause feeling isolated is horrible.

Libby3210

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this group!! No-one is a perfect Mum, but we all do the best we can with what we've got. I thank-you are doing a Fantastic job, Thankyou!! :D

Kylie Imlach

Hi,
I would just like to say that I joined this page because as a new mum with not much support, i needed
Somewhere that i could gain information and feel as though i wasn't alone in some of my experiences
as a mun. I don't always comment, but if i think i can be of some help or support to a oarent out there
who may be struggling, i will be supportive. I work with people in terrible situations everyday, and I
know how supportive a site like this can be to others.
I think the people running this site are doing a great job, and need all the support they can get to keep it
going.
Keep up the good work... This site is invaluable!! :-)
Thank you soooo much

Jayde

If only everyone would treat others as they would like to be treated! What a wonderful world it would be. Thankyou on behalf of everyone who accesses the Imperfect Mum page. What a beautiful contribution to the world of all-important, but sometimes lost and insecure mums. I just wish I'd found this page earlier...

Jodi

I really appreciate this blog and am happy to share motherhood stories, tips and issues freely with other like minded mothers, good job!! :)

Skye Rothwell

love it ,you and the whole idea.

Corinne Shardlow

Well Said Kristy!

Anonymous

I guess you could say I'm an older mum that seems to have survived and come out the other side! I have beaten molestation, rape, being widowed at 23, marrying a narcissist, multiple miscarriages, 3 children, marrying someone that grew up in religious cult (many problems to have worked through) just to name a few. Some I would change but most I wouldn't because I wouldn't be the mother, wife and woman I am today. The day is never that dark that you can't see some sunshine. To all the imperfect mums out there 'it will all work out the way it is supposed to but not necessarily the way you want'. Just take a deep breath and keep living!!!

Anonymous

I am just so overwhelmed right now by news about a distant family member. I feel I must intervene or help, but unsure if should intrude or how I can help. She is a young mother with an 18 month old child, seperated from the father. She has been taking drugs regularly and possibly ice, she has the child occasionally and the child is also cared for by father and grandparents. She likes to party and has been through a few boyfriends, and occasionally leaves the child with family members for weeks. I hate to judge and don't know the exact arrangements, however I cannot help but feel scared for this child's well being. What to do?

Jacquie Millar

Looking for advice on sleep routines from other IMs.
Miss 2 1/2 has never been great at sleep; colic, night terrors, anyhoo we just finally had some good sleep habits and now we are finding she just keeps pushing back bed time, trying to play, delaying etc. She still has a nap of 1-2 hours during day. Should I be cutting this sleep out? I kept it in so far as she just gets grumpy by dinner time without it?

Anonymous

I seem to have come across some really unsavoury people in the last few years. Is it that I'm not paying attention when I make new friends or are there more of these oxygen thiefs around ?

I have had my fingers burnt a few times now by women who take more than they give in a friendship. I have done quite a bit of reflecting and I'm still quite happy describing myself as a nice, friendly, chatty fun person. Why am I attracting these women ? Am totally exhausted by it all and considering becoming a hermit lol

Has anyone else ever felt like this?

Anonymous

As a new follower of this blog, I did the right thing & read the code of conduct. Sadly, it seems there are many who haven't in just 2 of the posts today, requesting advice.
Tonight, I read a woman's story about feeling unloved & her husbands recent criticisms on dinners, housework, kids & even their sex life & I was horrified to read the plethora of comments encouraging confrontation, leaving him to sort it out & blantant name calling like Neanderthal, wanker, arsehole & other names of the like.
This woman seems to be genuinely appealing for advice on how to communicate how she feels to her husband & it seems that there are extremely harsh judgements cast on her & the husband for expressing his displeasure at current home & relationship issues, when we only know the small snippet of the whole picture.
Another story I read through today was again a plea for help on how to seek advice on the welfare of a poorly cared for, but not abused, baby. Again, the instant criticism & quite aggressive nature of the comments stunned me. Report it to DOCS or DHS, have the child removed were instant responses. Do the general public understand the serious harm they could be doing in automatically assuming its severe enough to warrant taking a baby from its family? The child was not in a life threatening or abusive situation, was fed, clothed & healthy. We, as women & mothers, know all too well that sometimes motherhood presents very difficult times for even those of us with the best intentions. Perhaps the mother of the 8mth old has post-natal depression or bonding issues, perhaps she's a young first time mum with a need for education in the form of a parenting program, but has no idea of the resources available to her or the father, at no cost! I mean the list of possibilities is endless, but very few people actually acknowledged that these issues (that every mum goes through!) could be a possibility, or offered advice on the wide range of community services available to the parents & extended family, that work to educate & encourage positive parenting & bonding with the child. The overwhelming response was call DOCS & get the child out of there!
There's an overwhelming response of attack on the advice seeker & telling a person they must do this or that, which is not very helpful to the person seeking advice, nor is it helpful to the "culture of sisterhood" that we as women & mothers should encourage & help break the damaging cycle of the "cookie-cutter", text book mothering expectations & standards shamelessly propelled within today's society, forcing mums to conceal any difficulties they may experience for fear of judgement.
There are others that do offer inciteful, informative & helpful advice, along with strategies of communication & useful tips from tried & successful personal experience.
I love what this page & some followers stand for but perhaps a reminder of the page code of conduct could be helpful in redirecting some commenters to refrain from judgement, name-calling & to put some thought into helpful responses, rather than aggressive opinions based on very little fact. As a woman, mother & wife, I too have needed help along the way & far too often, it was my fellow women folk that made the process of asking for help truly terrifying.

Anonymous

I was wondering if their were any other mummies out there in a same sex relationship that could share their experiences/difficulties with me?

Cassandra Weller

Have you changed your page? I cannot msg the page or comment on a status. I can only share them.. ?? Have tried unliking then liking again but it doesnt fix it

Anonymous

Fantastic page. Your awesome!! Thank you