Hey guys.
I’m sorry if all of this doesn’t make any sense I’ll try and explain as best as I can.
In the last 10 years I’ve had a lot of things go on, stress drama and crap in particular caused by my ex, my daughters father.
I look at myself now and feel like mentally I am so drained, and it never ends with him. He cheated on me, put me through a lot mentally and physically.
He was the love of my life but he also happens to be a narcissist and a liar.
He’s spoken so much about me in the town I’m in, and because I am quiet and just ignored it I’ve never really defended myself. He’s the type who needs to talk about and make lies about people to look like the ‘good guy’ when he’s far from it.
He says things about my house being messy (I have 3 kids all up it’s never disgusting but honestly I could clean it and 2 hours later messy again)
About me as a mother. I asked him if he could bring some Panadol over for our daughter because I didn’t have my car and I’d run out and instead of being concerned about her he drilled me about how terrible of a mother I was because all mothers should have Panadol on hand.
Every 6 months he’s trying to get in my pants, that’s the only time he’s probably nice to me. All the other times he’s constantly trying to run me down.
He talks to me like shit, gets satisfaction when he brings me down. He has our daughter every second weekend.
I’ve told him I just want to get along for her. I wish we could have one of those relationships where the parents put their own shit aside for the child.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about moving. Make a fresh start. It would only be an hour away, I honestly think it would do us the world of good. But I feel guilty for taking my daughter out of the school she’s in basically just to help my mental health. I’ve lost friends here and family make no effort so I guess it would be no different. It wouldn’t be hard to meet her father halfway on his weekends.
She’s in grade 2 and been at her school since prep. I’m torn on what’s right to do.
If I move I won’t have him and his partner sitting there judging everything I do and don’t do and constantly feeling like they’re holding a magnifying glass over me and my life. Judging everything down to what car I drive around in. I feel like my kids would get their mum back and wouldn’t have this depressed exhausted mother.
Just wondering peoples thoughts? Thank you x
Moving to get away from ex
Moving to get away from ex
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
2 Replies
We have a similar story. I can totally understand. Never underestimate thr importance of your mental health. However, it is your mental health. Location won't change it, it might even make it worse if you believe hes badmouthing you to a whole new town and ruining everything again. It can be very draining to think youve done allll this and its still not any easier.
But You can get to a place where you don't believe the negative thoughts and feelings of shame, fear, embarrassment, etc, no matter where you live
Know that people will think he's a c&nt for badmouthing you as a mum for not having panadol (and mental note - don't call him again) same for a dirty house (next note - don't let him in your house).
I'm not saying don't go as moving on is very important, b also that you can work on regaining control and your mental health from anywhere.
Also consider the toll of negotiating with himand the stress and financials of making the move. If he has regularvisits with the kids it is easier to live close, further and the more youll feel the need to let him in more when he is there to make it easier on everyone (except you). Closer and theres no excuse.
Moving will definitely give you a fresh start but it's not going to be a magic pill that cures the emotional toll the last 10 years have had on you, you're still going to have to put in the effort to improve your mental health and find new coping strategies for stress.
Moving schools isn't the worst thing in the world, though generally the younger they are the adjustment is usually easier so if you're really dead set on it, sooner is probably better than later.
I would ask the kids how they feel about moving though.