Trigger warning ****** abuse/rape
Hi IMs
I guess I am just looking for an avenue that some of you may have a better idea than I do as I have got no where at this point. I'll try and keep a long story short.
So I have been with my current bf for 1 year and we have just started living together. (I have a 2 year old and he has a 3 year old) my issue comes to us sleeping in the same bed. We have been living together for 3 months now and he is so kind and patient and understanding but I feel guilty because every single night I have extremely bad nightmares. Not just wake up and cry, I scream in my sleep, I call out for help, I cry, I choke and on several occasions I have physically assaulted my bf when he has tried to wake me. I swear I was still sleeping and I don't remember it at all - I punched him in the chin and shoved him away from me.
I have known I have had these nightmares for a number of years. They stem from a previous "relationship" If that's what you would call it. I was repeatedly abused physically, emotionally, psychologically and sexually for 3 years (from 17-20). I tried to leave long before I did but he started restraining me and shooting me up with heroin which led to a dependent addiction for 2 years. And I just stopped caring. I decided that this would be it for my life and why leave because he would kill me eventually. But then I got pregnant. And I didn't fear him anymore. I made a plan, I contacted the police and everyone I knew and I left. He was charged and is out of my life now. He is the father of my child but not on the birth certificate.
Anyway almost 3 years later, I am clean, sober and I have career. But these nightmares will not budge. I feel awful for my partner who hardly gets any sleep some nights but refuses to let me sleep on the couch and he won't sleep on the couch either. I am seeing psychologists, GPS, I am medicated but this just won't leave my life. I guess this is a recah out to anyone who has been through something similar, how long did it take to stop? Why won't they stop? I'm worried this will ruin my relationship before it has actually started!!!!
4 Replies
Oh huny! I have complex ptsd after years of abuse and I have struggled similarly at night and I just want to encourage you that after continued treatment, it has gotten a lot better. I have 'flares' when I'm triggered by different stressors.
I've learned that these flares are an indication that I'm growing and healing. It sounds counter intuitive I know! But you're finally safe now and able to start moving through a very painful and complicated process. Don't lose heart darling, keep getting treatment and be encouraged that it does get easier with time. Lots of love xxx
Oh huny! I have complex ptsd after years of abuse and I have struggled similarly at night and I just want to encourage you that after continued treatment, it has gotten a lot better. I have 'flares' when I'm triggered by different stressors.
I've learned that these flares are an indication that I'm growing and healing. It sounds counter intuitive I know! But you're finally safe now and able to start moving through a very painful and complicated process. Don't lose heart darling, keep getting treatment and be encouraged that it does get easier with time. Lots of love xxx
Maybe talk to your psychologist to see if they can do EMDR (google it) or they can refer you to someone who does. It can be very helpful for treating trauma when other methods haven't been effective.
Good luck.
P.s. I'm a clinical psychologist :)
You have stored your trauma in your subconscious and when you sleep it gets released. I agree with the others about seeing alternative therapies like hypnosis, reiki or energy healing. Meditation and prayer before bedtime does amazing things for me when you have thoughts while meditating bring your awareness back to your breath take deep breaths 🙏