Stop comparing yourself with others
Accept that you are you. You are not your neighbour or a Mother from school. You are YOU. Each and every situation is different. Different combination of personalities, different financial commitments and different family cultures and beliefs.
Whenever you find yourself comparing, here are two things to think about:
1) Comparison is a joy thief.
2) People only ever show you their highlight reel.
Actively look after yourself
Prior to becoming a Mum, what did you like to do? What made you light up? What made you relax? Was it going to the movies alone? Was it having wine with friends? Was it going on a date with your partner? Was it baking? Was it having a nice warm tub? Was it knitting? Was it shopping or reading a book?
Whatever it was, actively reintroduce it back into your life. Plan it into your schedule, even if it means taking turns with your neighbour or family friend, ie they look after your kids, you look after there’s etc.
Kids are most happy when their mother is happy
Reflect on your standards
Are they your standards? Or are they someone else’s? Really think about that. Sometimes the media or our own family have a lot to answer for in terms of the pressure that is put on us. Are you trying to measure up? Are you trying to make others happy? Does it really matter if the kids socks match? Does it really matter if they have toast for dinner some nights? Does it really matter if the floors a bit sticky?
Simple things that really matter:
1) That your children are safe
2) That they feel loved
3) That they are happy
Being ”Just ok” is ok!
I’m pretty shit at a lot of things but i’m super good at telling my kids I love them and telling them what they are good at. So I reckon that just that in itself outweighs all of the things I’m shit at. So I’m embracing that i’m just ok!
Don’t always believe the “so called experts"
I remember reading a book by an “expert” and he was going on about how your kids shouldn’t go to childcare. At that time I had both my kids in childcare, we wanted to move ahead with our lives and future. We wanted to build our family home and that meant I had to go to paid work. I remember reading that book and crying for 3 days straight and beating myself up about how I was “a bad mum” During one of my “crying sessions” I was explaining my feelings to my Mum. She looked at me and said “well, I think you need to get over it Kristy” Your kids are some of the happiest kids I’ve ever seen” “Who cares about what this guy thinks” He doesn’t know you or your kids so why are you so worried about what he thinks or preaches. That was a defining moment for me. It was like the clouds parted and I finally felt at peace. I think about that conversation a lot whenever I’m feeling like a shit Mum I look at my kids and see they are happy, we are happy and that’s all that matters.
What are your thoughts? Do you ever feel like your not quite good enough? Do you ever feel like others are so much better at this motherhood gig?
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