So here’s the thing, my partner and I have 3 kids between us, our son (5) my daughter (13 100% care) his daughter (9 one wkend a month and half holidays). So OH saved some kfc chips for our son to have to the next day, I don’t eat the potato and so I was saving that for my daughter rather then throw it, that way they both get something, he started making sly remarks about how quickly it goes off ect, in the end I said just throw it out clearly you don’t want her to have it, and said we’ll only because I’m giving our son “5” chips, big deal she doesn’t need something too it isn’t a competition! Then he carried one about how it’s not fair she does horse riding and he doesn’t, she goes to nans for sleepovers and he doesn’t, and she got to spend some money online and he didn’t, I explained that she is almost 14 and spending money online comes with age and it’s something that happens to learn responsibility and the value of of money, which he is 5 he has no idea about the value of money at this age. I tried horse riding with him, he wouldn’t even get on a pony, and my daughter never started having sleepovers with my mum until she close to 6! Also he wouldn’t our son because he dislikes like mum because she is too close with me apparently so he is always rude and ignores her if he can. I guess I’m asking if I’m in the right or wrong? Would you try and keep fairness when it comes to things like takeaway foods? To me that’s different to being fair with spending money and sports etc, with age he will get to do them things too, but if I let him go and spend what money he has then how is that being fair to my daughter when I’ve made her wait until she’s a bit older (this is money from their savings account it’s not just birthday which they can all spend as they get it from ppl). There was a time his ex used to drop his daughter with money for him to take her shopping to buy a toy, I’d give my kids money to match because that didn’t seem fair to my kids, but he never seen it that way, this is all too hard trying to explain anything to him because he just goes around in circles and literally just keeps repeating himself and makes me out to be the worst person in the world, literally over kfc chips for god sake and because I save something for my daughter
12 Replies
I try and keep things equal too, even with the little things. I think he's being a douche bag. Who actually cares if you saved mashed potato? By the way I have eaten it the next day and its fine, chips on the other hand are disgusting to eat the next day. They go all hard and dry out, even when reheated. I never save them they go straight in the bin.
KFC chips reheated in the airfryer are better than on the day if you ever do want to keep any left overs
He is being ridiculous!
Is the oldest not allowed to get their drivers Licence because the youngest can't?
It's nice to keep things fair and that doesn't mean getting the exact same things in the exact moment.
When the son takes a sport he would enjoy, are the other kids going to have to do it too?
Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I think he sounds controlling and illogical.
He is very controlling, when I bring up the issues it just causes more issues because I’m always the guy for going against what he says or does
Your household sounds very divisive, your kids, his kids and you both advocate for your own, it's very toxic, feel sorry for the kids.
We don’t advocate for our own, I defend my daughter because he is jealous of her, and I do everything for his, he just drives her home and kisses her goodnight basically, I do it all, get it all, whatever she needs. But in saying that, the kids are fine, they aren’t exposed to anything and they never hear what we talk about, they are happy kids
Yeah right, so your daughter isn't affected by not being loved by the step father she lives with and seeing him treat his kids better.
You're delusional.
Your daughter is the girl who grows up with "daddy issues".
Toxic AF.
Oh no, as I said nothing is said or done in front of my kids, he treats her the same as the other kids, it’s just the sly remarks he makes to me because he thinks I favour her. I am not delusional
He doesn't treat her the same, by your own comment. You are delusional and your daughter is paying for it. If you have picked up the malice, so has she. My 5 year old once came home and said to me, daddy doesn't like 'insert step daughters name here". He was 5, SD also 5! The mother was always saying, don't yell at her etc. It's so toxic and you're in denial. She's used to it, thinks it normal, but when she gets older, she will see it and wonder why you allowed it.
I can't stand these weak mother's that stay with these resentful step father's. Put your kids first. Goggle resentful step father, read the stories and consequences.
https://www.orlandothrivetherapy.com/blog/2018/five-worst-things-a-step-....
emotional neglect when you are physically present is also abuse. at the very least (dont believe we have the full story) he is doing this, as per your comment.