I need help sisters!! My 14 year old son has been caught ( by us) vamping and using pot. We sat down with him calmly and said how disappointed we were but discussed about stopping and promises were made by him to improve his behaviour at school and stop ALL smoking! We didn’t come down hard on him as we are so afraid of pushing him away when he is growing & developing as a young man. That was a few weeks ago. So yesterday he left his school bag in my car after I dropped him to work. I honestly couldn’t help myself and had a look through it. I found a container with 4 joints!! We are devastated. We don’t know what to do next! PLEASE HELP!! Is it normal? Will he turn out to be ok? Is this just a slippery slope to more/ heavier drug use.
8 Replies
He’s not going to stop just cause he was caught, or you told him to. He’s going to need some help and support and you are going to need some help and support.
A friend of mine just went and did a parenting course on how to manage this exact situation with her son. She said it’s helped a lot.
Yes some teens experiment, not all. I think finding out the why, is important? Is it a friend group thing? Is it a because he is masking some underlying issues?
I wouldn’t really shame him over smoking weed.
Many people smoke and end up fine. Probably more than slip into heavy usage.
Educate him around the risks associated- health related and social aspects, potential legal implications. Share your fears with him! But stay calm and supportive. Rebellion can be a significant factor.
Ask if he is ok? Ask him what it does for him and how it makes him feel.
The heavier dope smokers I know from school are fried and don’t have much memory from those days. When I say fried, they actually sound like dopes. It’s terrible. Long term affects aren’t good.
I would do everything in my power to stop it, every stoner I know from high school is a loser.
If this was me & I mean this seriously, I would move away or change his schools. Yes it’s everywhere but kids today need to get out and work on stations or farms or join the military or something. Out of my daughters grade 7 class 12 of the kids Vape. They are 12-13 year olds. It’s terrible. Not much you can do. Rip them up. Take him to a psychologist and seek some help. Get him involved in the military or something. It’s one drug and usually on to another to try.
I don't think weed is necessarily a gateway drug , however that depends on the kid and friends what happens next. I would be having a big heart to heart, find out why he is into it? peer pressure, wants to be cool, helps him chill out (undiagnosed anxiety?) My other half smoked for a very long time and started in school he has ADHD and self medicated but it was a band-aid. He is clean now after some significant work. can reflect on how damaging it was . He might need a shrink to support another area to understand his drivers
I went through this with my son at 14. He was so agreeable whenever we walked about it that I kept thinking it would be the last time. Since talking wasnt working I tried discipline.. I took away his screens, his pocket money, his speaker, etc. That had no effect so I took away his phone... Big mistake! I couldn't contact him then. And Because I'd taken away his comforts he stopped coming home Choosing to sleep at his mates instead but because he had no phone I never knew where he was. I then went further and said fine if you don't want to stay here then leave , thinking he would come home and behave.. nope. He couch surfed or slept in the park. It wasn't until I accepted this was who he was and put boundaries in instead (don't smoke inside or at school or around my daughter's) he finally stayed home. But the damage had been done and he dropped out of school in year 9. He's now 18 and lives out of home, is constantly broke, stoned, drunk, losing jobs, has multiple drink driving charges. If I could go back I wouldn't have been so harsh. Good luck x
Don't blame yourself, I'm sure this was his path no matter what you did.
He's only 18, a lot of growing up to do, I'm sure he'll turn things around x