Trigger warning - sexual abuse!!
Lost mumma!!
Need advice ladies!!
So here goes, my 8 year relationship came to an end early this year due to DV, few days after the split my 7 year old daughter came out that her father had been sexually abusing her, we have 3 children together and she is the only girl, I instantly reported it to the police and he is still yet to be charged!!
She is getting professional help firstly and I'm now in the process of seeking councilling myself.
My issue though is my second youngest son (6) (youngest is 3 and doesn't understand yet) is acting out since the split and I can't get past this guilt of them not having any form of contact with him ( His in jail). As a mother I went straight into protection mode and put everything in place where he cannot contact or come anywhere near me or my children (DVO).
I feel like I'm failing my other 2 youngest boys and i cannot for the life of me get past the fact of them not being able to have contact with him, I don't want them to resent me in the future for keeping them away from him but i honestly never want my children alone with this man ever again.
I'm lost! I'm protecting them in every way possible and doing my absolute best to keep them safe from anything ever happening to any of them again, I just don't want them to grow up having psychological damage by having an absent father but after what he did to our baby girl I don't ever want any form of contact from him to my children.
My daughter asked me if she could write him a letter and I honestly didn't know what to say, she doesn't understand the full concept of the seriousness of what he has done to her, the anger and pain I feel and the fact I don't want to trigger her pain again makes me absolutely sick to my stomach, I want her to be able to grow up into a strong independent women that has the courage to speak up wherever possible.
I love my children with every inch of me and I only want what's best for them all, i just need some advice from anyone that has had this happen and how you would go about it.
Kind regards.
5 Replies
You need a psych for yourself. And one for each of your children. When your daughter asks questions like that, you say ooh, we could speak to Mary about doing that! And make sure you do, they will guide you through every step like this.
As for your boys, that's a frame of mind that you need help with. Having a relationship is not always what's best for them. You need help and you will also need help and support with the practical and emotional steps and hurdles that come with being in your position.
You’re doing the right thing, he’s a monster.
You’ll get through this because you are a strong mumma and woman ❤️❤️❤️
So difficult! I agree with getting your family professional help and hand balling the tough questions to the psych. Is there a Pop, uncle or friend who can be a male role model to them?
Edit: my boys are also booked in for councilling.
Sounds like you’re doing everything right.
Let her write the letter but don’t mail it.
Once he is charged- explain to the boys why they won’t be able to see their father- maybe it would help to have a police officer present for that so they understand it’s not just you telling them no.
A counselor would know better if that’s a good idea.
Don’t forget to take care of YOU through all this