We're a family with four kids aged, 12, 10, 7 & 5. We live in a rural town with no school, I drive them the 15km to their current school. It's a small school of 70 kids, 3 classes. Kids are doing okay academically but socially struggling. The town where the school is, is a very tight knit community, where the kids all play with each other in the streets, park etc. All the families get together too. We just can't seem to get accepted into the community, not sure if it's because we're in a different town.
In the 3 years my son (10 yr old) has been there, he has never been invited to a party. The kids talk and he knows his 'friends' (the kids he plays with at recess & lunch) have parties, he has asked me why he never gets invited. It breaks my heart! He only has 2 other boys in his actual grade, who are best buddies, I'm worried about high school transition which would be in 2 years.
7 year old also only ever been invited to whole class parties and thinks she has a group of friends, but as I see on FB, is the only one in the group that doesn't get invited to things. There is only 1 other girl in her grade.
As my eldest is off to high school this year and will be using the bus, It would be more convenient to send them all on the bus to a bigger primary school, of 200 kids. Thinking they might have more chance of connecting and making friends with other kids there? Also worried that they don't have friends because of me, if this is the case, a change of schools won't make any difference! Not that I think anything is wrong with me, I just can't seem to make close friends.
So sorry about the essay! Please help, I feel so stuck!
9 Replies
The change sounds good. Can't see any negatives.
It's not you. Although in a small tight knit setting it might be, if the parents are having a social gettogether and dislike you or just besties caught up in their own world (childish as that is). In bigger schools that doesn't happen as much, normally a party is just kids from the class, nothing to do with parents. Don't be too hard on yourself. But as you've said its not really working out great there, why not move?
What are your kids feelings about changing schools? I'd take that in to account.
I honestly think a change would be positive though, it sounds like your 10 year old is a bit of the 3rd wheel at the moment (that's certainly not his fault - just the lack of other children is kind of against him). Small tight knit communities can be really tough to fit into, frankly if they haven't welcomed your family yet they probably won't!
I think that's the benefit of a bigger school, they have more chance to find their 'people'.
Thanks for your replies, it's so helpful to hear someone else's perspective.
What's holding me back from moving them is:
- they really don't want to move, they are happy there (come home happy, enjoy going to school etc), they dont feel as though they have no friends.
- The school has a good rep with the feeder high school, kids from this primary are known to be switched on, polite kids and do well. Although part of me thinks this is because of the nurturing community, which my kids aren't part of, so don't get those benefits.
However my 12yr old dd was always happy there and now she's had a couple of days transition at the high school, she says she wishes she had gone to the larger school.
That's it, you're the adult, the kids don't know what theyre missing. Remember you can always go back. Try it out and see.
That's such a great point that I'd failed to see. Thanks!
The change looks like a good idea. I found that when my kids went to a small school the kids had no choice but to play with kids they wouldn't normally play with if they went to a bigger school. There are no 'groups' in small schools like the geeks, cool kids, music kids, sporty kids etc. My daughter is a geek and would sit by herself reading a book at lunch time or talking to the teacher. They have more of a chance of finding their tribe in a bigger school, I say go for it.
I say look into the bigger school. Even take the kids there to have a look around and see if that helps them feel more comfortable or excited about the move. You can only try.
I think the bigger school sounds like it has benefits.
But something to consider - being a larger school there’s of course going to be bullying. Are you kids at all socially awkward thanks to the mixed ages at the school and in classes? Kids are horrible at times and will rip into them if they’re friends with ones younger than their age group.
Are you involved with the community, school committee, sporting clubs that type of thing? I find it’s the best way to meet other mums and to show you’re a valuable, contributing member of the community. If it’s really cliquey then forget those types, but there’ll always be other fringe dwellers like us!
Are your kids happy at current school? If not, then make the move, expand away! My kids were in tiny schools and yes it’s hard when there’s bully culture amongst the staff, parents and kids. Ours was exclusion too. Find your tribe in a bigger pond