Im really struggling with patience atm. How do you keep your cool with your kids when they are doing everything you say not too. I love them to bits, but just a simple task of getting into their car seats cam be a huge battle that leaves me frustrated. I believe its becoming more of a me problem. Im a busy mum of 2. My husband is great. He does what he can but works 50 plus hours a week himself. I work time and study part time too. Im just completely lost atm. I have battled depression in the past, and i know my triggers. Im doing ok. Im just so overwhelmed by everything if i dont fix things, it will spiral into depression again.
Ps. I go to the gym 3/4 days a week too to do something for me. So i do get time out from it all. Thank you. From a struggling mummy.
Overwhelmed mummy
Overwhelmed mummy
Posted in:
Self Care
4 Replies
Oh I feel you. Very very similar boat here and it’s exhausting. I don’t have much advice though, because you sound like you’re doing all you can. But you didn’t mention their ages so I’m not sure if these things are going to apply.....
Now that it’s warming up where I live, I’ve been taking the kids to the park a lot. I found a park that is completely fenced off (perfect for my little runners) and I sit at a table with my maccas coffee and just chill while they burn some energy. And/or lots of outside play seems to make them happier people. I’ve padlocked our back yard up so that they can go out and play while I’m in the back room and can keep a bit of an eye on them.
I bribe them to get in car seats by bringing snacks, or discussing our lunch options. “Quick, lets get home and we are going to make... such and such for lunch”
I work my whole day around their naps because they are extra feral if they miss their sleep.
And some days I just have to count myself down to the minutes where I can sit and enjoy a single coffee in peace. And then I usually meditate too... it actually helps so much.
But, hang in there. It’s hard but you’ll get through it
I can totally empathize.
I completely lost my patience this morning (OK that's putting it politely, really I lost my damn shit) because my kids though jumping on the trampoline was more important that getting their school shoes on and packing their bags. Sitting back a few hours later I realised I could have handled that better.
I think the best thing to do is when you start to feel like you're losing control, just give yourself a minute to re group, take a few deep breaths and ask yourself 'does this need to consume all my energy? '.
Just that brief time usually gives you the perspective to change your approach.
This is so close to my life I could have written it. So first thing I noticed is that I am not a machine so some days I have more tolerance than others. Some days I yell. Some days I lob all the toys into a room. Some days I cry. Some days I throw everyone in the car and we just drive.
I noticed as well that the more calm I am the more likely the kids do what I ask. The angrier I am, the less compliant they are.
Strategies for when I'm losing my grip (and often forgotten in a moment of frustration, but when I remember they work).
1. Take three deep breaths.
2. Remind yourself they are not doing it to piss you off. They are checking (again) if it's ok.
3. Find something to make them busy. I have three boys and I honestly think they are best when they have things to do.
4. Ask yourself when you last had a glass of water and whether you are hungry (I'm like Godzilla with low blood sugar or dehydration).
5. Remind yourself the days are long, the years are short. And even if its a crap week, it will pass.
6. When you're skirting the edge of depression lower your expectations to everyone fed and nobody dead. The result is always higher.
Give yourself some slack.
From the mum who yells, swears, throws things, cries, cuddles, often feels like a complete nut case, often wonders why she did this but still gets knocked over by three tiny humans when she comes back from even just doing the food shopping.
This is so close to my life I could have written it. So first thing I noticed is that I am not a machine so some days I have more tolerance than others. Some days I yell. Some days I lob all the toys into a room. Some days I cry. Some days I throw everyone in the car and we just drive.
I noticed as well that the more calm I am the more likely the kids do what I ask. The angrier I am, the less compliant they are.
Strategies for when I'm losing my grip (and often forgotten in a moment of frustration, but when I remember they work).
1. Take three deep breaths.
2. Remind yourself they are not doing it to piss you off. They are checking (again) if it's ok.
3. Find something to make them busy. I have three boys and I honestly think they are best when they have things to do.
4. Ask yourself when you last had a glass of water and whether you are hungry (I'm like Godzilla with low blood sugar or dehydration).
5. Remind yourself the days are long, the years are short. And even if its a crap week, it will pass.
6. When you're skirting the edge of depression lower your expectations to everyone fed and nobody dead. The result is always higher.
Give yourself some slack.
From the mum who yells, swears, throws things, cries, cuddles, often feels like a complete nut case, often wonders why she did this but still gets knocked over by three tiny humans when she comes back from even just doing the food shopping.