I need advice/help asap!
I have a 5 year old boy who is super hyperactive, impulsive, he has a very short attention span, when too much is going on around him he loses control and runs around silly. He can also become quite aggressive and violent toward me when he doesn't get his own way.
I am at my wits end. How do I get him to listen and follow instructions? For the past 18months our paediatrician has done the wait and see approach. I can't wait and see as I am ready to leave him home by himself while I need to run errands. I am also sick of hearing boys are boys 🙄 and hearing he needs a good smack!
Before we go somewhere or get out of the car to go somewhere, he is given instructions on the way he should behave (and he understands and agrees), we have even said he can get a treat if he is well behaved. Once we are out of the car and in a crowd, that's it, he runs off and does not follow my instructions, and the whole time is spent finding him and trying to get him to stay with me.
He has a very limited sugar intake (the odd biscuits and lolly from grandparents). He is also on magnesium and a multivitamin.
Taking toys away - doesn't work
Time outs - we do time outs, but the behaviour hasn't stopped
I have even smacked him
I follow through on consequences
Any advice on how I can get him to stay by my side while we are out? I petrified of losing him one day
9 Replies
The strategy I used with my ASD/ADHD son was this.
I would do practice trips to the shop, where I only had to buy one very quick simple thing. My steps were.
1. Didn't let him out of the car until I was available to hold hands (so used child locks).
2. Held a hand 100% of the time.
3. Let go of hand ONLY at the checkout, and then he HAD to have one hand on the counter. At the start I put him between me and the checkout so I was kind of blocking his escape.
I then gradually faded these prompts, increased the shopping etc.
I'd also suggest putting him in the trolley.
For now I'd do any big shopping online to save your sanity.
And yes I'm hard core, but my son did learn and shopping got much much easier
Not hard core, learning life skills
Sounds like shopping centres just overdo it for him. So avoid or keep it short hold his hand or put in trolley and keep an eye on him for signs hes getting woundup and leave before he loses it to build his confidence.
I don’t have any advice my gosh do I feel for you because I have the worst anxiety about losing my children in public. I have a runner too but he much younger so doesn’t follow instructions as well as you’d expect a 5yo
My daughter is on the spectrum and shopping is the worst... I do all my shopping online! All I can suggest is to avoid major shopping trips as much as possible.
Get a new doctor. I took my daughter to a child psychologist and had her formally assessed... then got referred to other services. Sounds like your son needs occupational therapy. Time outs won’t work if he has adhd or asd, you can’t smack out adhd either.
Look on YouTube at “adhd child VS non adhd child interview”
It made me cry seeing how low that little girls self esteem is... how many times a day does she get in trouble and get told she is naughty and bad when really she just doesn’t have the tools to regulate her behaviour.
Thank you for replying everyone. I should mention that we do have an older child with ASD and I am thinking our son is very sensory seeking. He has been assessed for ASD which he doesn't have. He is very social and loves talking, constantly. We have tried to get in with a few really good OT's in our area however they have closed their books at this stage.
I am thinking shopping should be done online now! Also, our paediatrician mentioned we should go to the local library story times. Has this helped with anyone else trying to get their child to stay focused?
I have a 5 year old sensory seeker too, but as much as she seeks, I'm starting to see she's an avoider too, just much more subtly
Ear defenders could help, going to shops very early or very late when there's less people, going to shops alone when he's at school/preschool, making a little pocket sized visual story of how to behave that he can carry and you can point at in the shop, writing social story to read at home when he's calm about shopping, giving him fidget toys to play with at shop, maybe try sunglasses (those lights can be awful), use less words (don't try to over explain, say things like "milk, then bread, meat then pasta, checkout time", less words the better, use a catalogue to make visuals of what you're buying that he can carry and help you find the items, there's lots you can do, id be asking for a referral to good ot too
No more wait and see, get an assessment done. Find a bettter paed.
Early intervention needs to happen now, before he gets labeled "the naughty kid" at preschool/kinder/daycare/school
In the meantime, avoid over stimulating him, if you must take him shopping, go to one shop, get in and out, make it successful for him then reward him
Sounds like my 6yo son, he has always had lil signs of this behaviour but it only came on more severely this year, he is yr 1. His pead said he is not coping socially and emotionally in yr 1 and should have stayed in prep. He has been diagnosed with A.D.D. by his doctor and is taking conerta 27mg, and concerta 18mg. 27 on school days and 18 on weekends and school holidays. Ritalin was no good for him.
His school also have said he shows some mild signs of autism, super hyper sensitive hearing, wears earmuffs at school. Mild O.C.D. and a few other lil quirks. His doc says there is no autism.
Id definitely get a new doctor and a second opinion, my son was not like yours out at shops like running off etc, but everything else is pretty much spot on. I was in denial about anything, and thought the school and the constant changes trying to work on him was to blame. In a way i still believe it was an overload on the poor kid, one day he would be in ghe office the next day he would be suspended, then back at school and put on restrictions, then the next day it was a whole new thing. It confused him
Being on the medication has now helped so much that we r finally seeing good results and getting back to normal, although he has missed a good 6 months of his school year, either by not being at school, through suspension or modified shorter days, being at doctors, or just not co-operating in class and refusing to do any work. Luckily he he academically still age appropriate and advanced in some spots, and i am a teacher aide so i have been able to homeschool what he has missed at school by working with his teacher.