Good afternoon sisterhood
We're to start, today I sit here after day care and school drop off with a stomach so badly knotted and an immense feeling of guilt running through me
But every day I go to bed at night thinking how I can be a Better mum , at I doing enough, why do i feel that my relationship with my 5 year old isn't strong
I love my kids beyond anything , but I feel lately that I am constantly nagging , yelling, crying , getting frustrated , loosing my cool, and just basically feeling like a complete a-hole !!!
Today I was spoken to by my daughters teacher as she had taken something of another child's , nothing big , a toothbrush from the dental van at school. I sat down with her and asked what had happened yesterday and she cried, turned away and refuses to tell me what happened, I'm not angry or yelling but my heart is telling me that my own daughter doesn't even feel she can talk to me or have trust in me. She has never done anything like this before .
I don't want her to grow up thinking she can't trust me or talk to me , I want our relationship to be strong , I want her to know that no matter how big or small she can always come to me.
I don't know if I am over thinking the whole picture but my head is telling me that if I don't fix this now, the future may not be so great . People say it's because we're so a like we bonk heads , but truly is that even an excuse
She is a beautiful little girl, smart, caring, big heart , friendly , kind , has a heart of pure gold. I love her more then anything in this world. I want to build my relationship with her , I want us to be close , I want us to be the best of friends .
Has anyone else been in the same boat , were they feel like this or having the same issue. I am working on my self a lot, as I have been stressed a lot because of work etc and trying to not sweat the small stuff and focus more on being a mum rather then a crazy woman running a house hold , holding down a full time job and being a partner . this probably makes no sense but My heart is hurting today and mummy guilt is hovering
Thank you for listening to my rant, first time poster but long time follower xxx
7 Replies
Sounds like you feel a hole ans tbh theres always room for more love and magic with a five year old.
try just whispering and being slow and giving her time, even if its only 10minutes, take it slow and youll geta lot out of it.
also be magical, make small things special like shape her dinner into a heart or her favourite animal, because you know she loves them, let her know you adore her and think about her and listen to her ans know her, its in the little things.
You sound like me when I was working... I had such a short fuse with my 3 yr old and felt like I was constantly yelling at her.
One day she said to me out of nowhere, “Mum, Dad is my favourite. You’re too angry”
I’m not going to lie, it hurt. Especially because “Dad” is actually just my boyfriend who had only been on the scene for a year at the time; I’m the only one who is parentally responsible. Of course he was the fun one!
This was a turning point for me, I found this page on Facebook called “positive parenting solutions” and watched some videos. They have webinars with scripting on how to word things and discipline properly with consequences instead of punishments and yelling. Honestly it’s the best thing I could’ve done!
I’m a work in progress, I have bad days when I’m sick or stressed, but unless there are extenuating circumstances I don’t yell anymore. I’m the favourite now!! lol she listens to me and talks to me... when she does something naughty she doesn’t lie because she isn’t scared of me anymore...
Google positive parenting, read the articles every day, like the page on Facebook and it’ll feel like you’re just casually browsing instead of “researching”
You’ve got this, the fact that you’re making this post shows how much you care, you’re doing a great job!!!
Thank You so much, I have spent the day in tears , my partner of 4 years is also her dad, my daughters bio father left me at 6 weeks pregnant and I haven't seen or heard from him since. My now partner has been in her life since she was 1, she doesn't know that story yet as I don't think she is old enough to understand but she loves her dad his been dad from the start and my partner treats her no different to our 3 year old. I just feel like I have negeleted her so much lately emotional physically and mentally. I've let my adult problems become hers and I hate it. Stressing over little shit even loosing it when she doesn't put her socks on the first time I ask her to. I don't wanna be that mum that she doesn't feel like she can come to because I'll get mad and angry. Thanks again for your advice xxx
A close friend of mine was having similar difficulties with her daughter. Her solution was to every night go in and lay down next to her daughter for 10/15 minutes before she went to sleep and they would talk. Sometimes about their day, sometimes about their fears and dreams, sometimes they just told jokes.. There's something about the dark that helps people open up and it's something that they still do to this day and her daughter is now 16
Thank you , last night I did just that instead of worrying about the dishes and the laundry pile a meter a high I went in read her a book, we packed her swimming bag together and chilled for half hour before bed, felt really good actually. Thinking half my problem is that I worry about the never ending pile of chores and take that time away from my kids . This mum business is just so hard sometimes . Thanks for replying x
My kids are a lot younger but I read “peaceful parenting” by Laura Markham.
It talks a lot out quality time. Things like “rough housing” with your kids (google it), putting technology down, having 15 minutes a day with one child to just spend 100% focused on them, let them pick what you do (chatting, reading, drawing together) and then some days you pick something you want to do.
Maybe you could start taking her out Saturday mornings while your partner has the little one, and have a hot choc/coffee together. (We don’t go out the shops but we do similar and have baby chino dates at home)
I have implemented these things since I read the book and I swear, the second life gets too busy and I haven’t specially made time out to do these things, the kids are playing up and I feel disconnected from them all.
I also make sure I take my time with bedtime. Saying things like “oh, your bed looks so comfy, can I come lay with you for a little bit? Let’s talk about... your day/tomorrow/the weather today”.....
66 positive things to say to your child.
I’m grateful for you.
You make me proud.
Your words are meaningful.
You have great ideas.
I love being your parent.
You don’t have to be perfect to be great.
Your opinions matter.
You are important.
You are loved.
I believe you.
I believe in you.
This family wouldn’t be the same without you.
You are valuable.
You can say no.
You can say yes.
I know you did your best.
You were right.
I accept who you are.
We can try your way.
You are helpful.
You are worth it.
You make me happy.
I love your creativity.
Being around you is fun.
I can’t wait to hear about it.
Don’t be afraid to be you.
You’re making a difference.
I’m excited to spend time with you.
You are interesting.
I love seeing the world your way.
It’s good to be curious.
I love the way you tell stories.
What you did was awesome.
I admire you.
That’s a great question.
Your friends are lucky to have you.
I trust you.
That was a really good choice.
Seeing you happy makes me happy.
Being your parent is my favorite job.
I learn new things from you every day.
You make me better.
You are a good boy/girl.
Thank you for being you.
I’m so glad you’re here.
You look great.
I understand you.
Watching you grow up is the best.
That was really brave.
I forgive you.
I appreciate you.
We all make mistakes.
Yes, me too.
You are very good at that!
You can try again tomorrow.
Nobody is perfect.
I love how you said that.
Not everyone will like you, and that’s OK.
You did that so well.
I’m listening.
That’s a very fair point.
You are beautiful inside and out.
I love you.
I could never stop loving you.
You are enough.
You make my heart full.