I recently found out my husband was having an online affair. I confronted him about it and of course he denied it, until I showed him proof that I knew. He swears he never actually touched her and I do believe him, but also says the messages I saw were the only ones there were and it hadn't previously happened which I'm struggling to believe.
He's moved out, staying with a friend temporarily, but wants to work on our marriage. He's admitted fault and says he deeply regrets his actions and it will never happen again. He's removed the other woman from his life. He says you don't know what you've got until it's gone.
I always swore I would never forgive infidelity, but then I never thought it would happen to me and when it happens to you it's not that simple. We have built a family and a life together, and I do believe he is sorry for hurting me. I guess the fact it was not a physical affair makes it not as bad either.
Some days I think we will be ok, taking baby steps and we will be able to rebuild our marriage and make it strong like it use to be. Communication, Date nights and seeing a marriage councillor.
Then there's days like today where I feel totally depressed. My self esteem is shattered and I'm struggling to forgive him for what he's done and to trust him again. When I think of sex I cry. I blame myself for not being enough for him. I feel really unattractive and just don't want to think about sex at all.
How do I get over this and move on from it? I need to stop this hot and cold feelings towards him, it's not fair on either of us, and I need to be able to move forward with my life.
Has anyone been through this and how did it turn out for you?
Overcoming cheating
Overcoming cheating
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
6 Replies
All the affair posts I have seen on here, most have said the same, they are fine and then it suddenly hits them some days. I think it just takes time and what you are feeling is normal, good luck.
Take it slow. Yes its not that simple, its bloody heartbreaking, leaving is so bloody hard at the time but that doesnt mean staying is right either. You'll need full openness and to believe you know everything and be satisfied that it wont happen again for you to be able to be happy if you stay with him. And thats hard, you know, because hes done it once... So take it slowly, and listen to your heart and youll know in time with the way its working out if it sits right with your conscience or not.
And I wouldnt be thinking that online is better, the fact he turned outside your relationship is the issue, how far he went is irrelevant, the point is that he did that. My thinking is any partner of mine, no matter how far they crossed or how many times, can equally fuck off.
I have been here and yet again a couple of years later.. sadly once they stray they cannot stay.. it's done as you will always feel second best and no one deserves that .. eventually you will wake up and say no.more he lost and you gained a new road to self discovery I am.sorry but they never change.. maybe for a while but you and then are kidding themself.. I wish you can get through it but your self worth will eventually make you leave he does not deserve you you both made that wonderful fake life and he took it from you without giving you the option bye bye Mr.
My partner and I were on a break (still sleeping in the same bed) just trying to figure out what we both wanted. He had a one night stand, honestly broke me. I blamed myself, but in the end , it is there actions. You don't even cross there mind when they cheat. It isn't what you did, know your value and worth. I hope you can move past this, whatever decision you make, but ultimately that decision can only be yours.
One year later and i still have my bad days but our relationship is still moving forward. It isn't easy but I guess the one thing you have to ask yourself is 'Is he worth it?'
Good luck xx
My issue with all these cheaters and the moving forward, getting passed it bit, is that they all got caught, and then they were sorry...
Would he still be doing it if I didn't find out? did he ever feel guilty? or guilty enough that he was about to confess? Is he still lying now? These are all questions that would plague me...
I'd try to move through it, if he was remorseful, and willing to do WHATEVER it takes, but it takes however long it takes, months or years, and you come out the other side different, maybe too different to ever go back...