I was married for 13 years. To who I thought was a nice enough guy. But he was never super affectionate, super sexual or good at giving compliments etc. never a lovey dovey guy.
Anyway, he left me for another woman a year ago. I'm over him, don't want him. But I can't get past the time I wasted. With his girlfriend he is lovey dovey, affectionate, takes selfies of her. Carries her pic in his wallet, has her as his fb profile. I can't get over the fact that he is more into her instantly than he was with me ever. I feel like an idiot who wasted her entire 20s. I can be fine and then out of nowhere I'm reminded and it hits me and I'm overcome. I hate that I'll end up being the solo mum and he gets to be happy
What I'm asking is; has anyone moved on from similar? Have you found counselling helpful?
5 Replies
Just to clarify. By "nice enough" I mean that he wasn't perfect but certainly didn't show his true colours. Has been not nice at all since split. I was in love with him no doubt
Maybe it's just the shine of a new relationship, I'm sure they'll be annoying the shit out of each other in no time.
Better hes gone now so you can move on and find someone who really appreciates you! Those kind of guys are out there. I'm sorry he wasted your time, I have a friend in a similar situation to you, "wasted" away her twenties with a dumbass. But hey, she's kicked on and moved on and is now with a bloke who is a true gent. If anything, i hope it makes you realise your true worth ❤
Why do you know so much about his new relationship? That's just plain painful. Unfriend him on FB/stop snooping!
Are you sharing care of the kids? Do you get enough free time for yourself?
If not, ask him to have them more often.
I originally felt the same, that he was off having all this fun and freedom with my replacement, while I was stuck at home doing all the heavy lifting (parenting special needs kids). Anyway, I had to reframe my thoughts. I was the lucky one. I get to be with my kids every day. I am the one they trust, and can rely on. We have fun together.
And honestly, if a grown ass man has to carry a photo in his wallet, or have his girlfriend on his profile pic, well, that all seems a bit try hard for my liking. Don't create a scenario in your head of his happy life, none of what you think is real or sustainable. He's carried all his baggage from one relationship straight into the next.
Get yourself a good psychologist, and stop torturing yourself. Don't be his friend. Don't talk to him about anything else except care arrangements. Text or email only. And start setting goals for your own life moving forward. xx
My kids tell me! They aren't old enough to understand not to! I work all the days he has the kids, so no prob not enough me time!
Thanks
I was in this situation, kind of, it didn't take long for the cracks to start showing. Believe me, he hasn't had a personality transplant, he's the same guy, but he thinks she is the bees knees at the moment and in lala land. Mark my words, things won't be this rosy forever, the fact he is being this wonderful means the new woman's disappointment will be that much more hurtful when he reveals his true self.