I'll keep this as short as I can.
I'm an alcoholic (not a fall down drunk but someone who drinks very regularly) I have PTSD. I'm struggling with parenting right now.
I believe my children would be better off with their Dad. Would I be a horrible Mum if I left them with their Dad, seeing them regularly and moved out?
I don't ever want to hurt them but I'm struggling so bad that I don't want to be home and I feel I'm doing more harm than good right now.
Obviously I will get help with my PTSD and drinking but I don't feel I can do that while I'm 100% focussed on the kids all the time.
Tia.
Would I be a bad Mum?
Would I be a bad Mum?
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
13 Replies
Thankyou for asking this question. If you left the kids with there dad so you could get treatment for PTSD and your drinking you would be my HERO. I'd applaud you. It is a hugely selfless thing to do.
Thank you. That really helps. It's something I'm struggling with. The stigma of what kind of mother leaves her children. But I do feel this is better for them in the long run.
No this makes you extremely selfless, however you need to put 100% into making yourself better for your children and returning to them once this is done.
I would definitely talk to a professional before making such a life changing decision.
Yes the plan would be to return once I've had treatment and am well enough to take back the responibility.
They love their Dad and would be well taken care of in the mean time.
I just wish it wouldn't hurt them so much.
You are doing the right thing, short term hurt for long term gain. You deserve this as much as your family does, good luck and all the best brave lady.
I feel that there is so much negativity around mums who become the "secondary" caregiver yet it's the norm for the fathers to?
In reading this post all i heard is you saying "i want to be the best mum i can be even if that means taking some time out".
You are a brilliant mother for that. I hope nothing but the best in your journey to getting you better.
You would be doing the best, as long as you do it right and really explain it to them and still contact them often and spend quality time with them, and get help for yourself. Dont make promises you cant keep like youll be back or youll live with them again in ten more sleeps etc. they will adjust to the change as long as theyre loved.
Not at all, that makes you a wonderful mum and they will be ever thankful for it in the future. If you continue on, they may begin resenting you and having negative memories so be the mum that they can look up to and say "she did something" :)
I'd suggest checking in as an inpatient at the local hospital and telling your children you are just on holidays for a little while or that you haven't been feeling well so need some rest (if they are too young to understand).
Good luck mumma!!!!
You'd be a selfless, honest and caring mum to face up to your own judgement and turn it around, not just for your babies but for you too. Best of luck.
Good luck dear! To take care of yourself is so important. I guess the only thing I would need to ensure is that I spoke with their dad and have something in writing and signed to make it clear that this is only temporary and once you have received your care that children are to return. That's just me though. Again not judging at all... some dads are great and if he his that's fantastic that you don't have that worry. Go for it and do this for you!
I say get better first if that's what you need
I don't want to sound negative - but I'm afraid I'm going to. My gut feeling isn't great on this one. I have to be honest, and so do you. After having alcoholics in my family (very severe ones, much worse than you are currently by the sound of it), I have seen what happens when an alcoholic no longer has their family around. If you don't have to be sober for your children, you might spiral right out of control. My advice is not to leave, but to get help NOW while you still have to be accountable in front of your family. If you are on your own, you will find excuses to drink. The fact that you are focussed on your kids is likely to be a protective factor for you at the moment - that's just my feeling, and I could be wrong. But please be honest with yourself, don't go kidding yourself into thinking that you'll stop drinking because you don't have the stress of the kids depending on you. You think that you'll feel better leaving them behind?? Surely you'd feel even worse for it, and that will make you turn to alcohol to take away the pain. Like I said, I might be wrong, but please be realistic and think about what you would really feel and do if you left your family. I wish you all the best, and I apologise for the harsh reality check. Good luck xo
I am sure somewhere along the way I have thought the same. But what snaps me out is my kids missing me. I don't want them to think mum left them because they are 'naughty'. Why not get away for a week and clear your head. Motherhood is bloody hard and I struggle too. Just make sure whatever you decide you let the kids know it's not them. I hope and hope yoy come back to your kids after getting away, you don't want them to think all your issues are their fault
Good luck hun xx