Do you think you’re ok? - I’m not ,and I’m sharing that with you.. SHIT!

What does ok mean? does it mean that you are happy? Does it mean that you feel good about yourself?

Do you  look in the mirror and say, you know what I’m ok?

When you are walking along and happen to see yourself in a reflection.. What do you see? Do you see a beautiful smile looking back at you? or do you see everything you need to change?

I  recently  looked in the mirror  seen  all sorts of horrible things about me.  And this voice in my head LOUDLY said.

“You’re  a pretty shit mum”

“You’re pretty shit at your job”

“What are you actually achieving with your life”

“You’re actually not good at much”

Tears  streaming down my face.  I had completely crucified myself.  I didn’t need anyone else to I had done it to myself.

That then lead to the belief that it’s all true and everyone else must think the same.  Even to the point that if someone gave me  a compliment I would think they were lying or just “pissing in my pocket”

It  also lead to paranoia  where  I would be doing the groceries and I would feel someone watching me trying to control my kids and I would hear that voice. “See they think you’re a shit mum too”

I knew I was heading down a slippery path.  I knew that belief could completely  take over my life .. It could consume me it could  become a part of me.  And that could lead to all sorts of problems.

It could kill any sort of dream I had/have.

So I decided to take myself off to the doc’s.  I know I needed help. I knew that I just needed up bit of help to climb back up, before it over took me.

Stress and anxiety are my main problems.  Anyone from the outside looking in would think everything was fine.. But it isn’t /wasn’t – When I spoke to the doc he said ” do you think you’re depressed”

“No of course not, I’m not a negative person”  ’I'm an upbeat person”. “I’m not depressed” But depression does not always mean you are down as such it effects all people very differently.

So I came to the realisation that I was possibly depressed. - SHIT!

So here starts my journey of trying to climb out of the hole I’m currently in.. My friends may get a bit of a shock reading this… But for some reason I find it easier to tell the internet rather than telling them.. Insane right…  Possibly!

The reason I find it so important to share this journey is because I know/feel there are many people that feel the same..

We close the door slide down the back of it and cry..

Crying is good yes? But crying alone is not!

As I said I will be sharing my journey.   And please share yours.  But please remember to contact a professional (like I did)

Just want to finish with, I will be ok, no need to worry, I will get there, I am a very strong person.  I just need a little help. XXX

Here are some details.

About the Author

Kristy Vallely is the founder and Creator of the Imperfect Mum.

Kristy believed there needed to be a place that women could go to. Where they could talk and relate. A place they could feel safe. A place they trusted. So The Imperfect Mum was born in June 2011. There was obviously such a need that when the gates 'opened' a huge flurry of women followed. Kristy has always been very passionate about women and the issues they face.

Her passion and determination has helped her carve out a career helping others and creating 'a go to place' for women from all around the world.

Posted in:  Life Lessons, Mental Health

73 Replies


My husband suffers from depression/anxiety. Big hugs to you.

The Imperfect Mum

Will check it out Kimmie - Thanks X

Tara @ Mum-ments

I wrote almost a simialr post yesterday hun seems we have just started our journey together.
biggest loves to you my darling girl <3

The Imperfect Mum

Will check out my beautiful! - Thanks for the love! X



The Imperfect Mum

Back at ya Lee! X

Nicole Balderson

Good for you Kristy. I often ask 'what is ok?' too and I'm yet to come up with the answer. You are brave and you are strong and I think there really are a lot of people who feel the same. x

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks so much Nicole, I really do appreciate those words! - would love to cross paths one day! X


"Tomorrow will be a better day", just keep believing that and one day it will be. I've been to that horrible dark place, and I hope it's not long before you see the sun again. Luv'n'hugs Darlin' - be good to yourself! xo

The Imperfect Mum

Yep, Tomorrow is a new day! and thank god for that.. we are blessed everyday the sun rises.. X


Friends it is a dark place, but it can be surrounded by dark walls, or beautiful things that will aid in the journey of finding happiness. Make the choice to be happy in the smallest of way and it will come to you. The journey is an individual one, but it's better shared with many..

The Imperfect Mum

Yes, it is but light does seem to filter though.. It will be ok. I will be ok! X

Anita Jones

You are not a shit mum. You are not a shit person. We all love having you around. You are a great help.

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks sweetheart! x

Shiralee Kidd

Wow Reading this I see myself. I went to my doctor last week and while she says im not depressed I knew I wasnt myself and needed to talk to someone. And like you I find it easier to tell it like this than to anyones face. It my first time seeing my new doctor and she was amazing. I told her exactly how I felt, my emotions were up and down and I couldnt control any of it which made me feel worse, I like to be in control :)
I felt lazy, always tired and couldnt be bothered with anything. I couldnt wait for the day to be over so I could go back to bed, then when the day was over I would cry knowing the way I was feeling and acting was affecting my young children and my relationship. I am now back on the pill and on a Swiss multivitamins and will be visiting my doctor again in 6 weeks to talk about how I will be feeling and to make sure im back to my old usual happy self. I was talking to a friend after visiting my doctor and told her everything, she was shocked because I always put on a happy face ... because I felt i had too, I didnt want people knowing how I was really feeling, I didnt want my friends and family to know I wasnt coping.
Thank you for sharing your story.

The Imperfect Mum

YAY! - Go us! - let's do it together darlin! XX


It is indeed, the most awful destination to go to. Good on you for sharing, it is bound to help somebody! I think I could have written the same post several times over the past few years, particularly since having children. Professional help is awesome, but the help of others who have a shared experience is even better. Thanks so much. xxx

The Imperfect Mum

Yes, the destination certainly isn't the best one. But professional help is ALWAYS the best. Thanks Love X


Thank you for sharing and good for you for seeking help. I have gone down this path a few times myself and I began to ask why is this happening to me and not the person next to me on the bus??

I spoke to nutritionist, chriopractors and the 'like' who research non medical ways to solve this puzzle.

The 'newish' research (2010) indicate that our bouncing babies 'steal' vital nutrients from you while in vitro! I was advised to take zinc/ vitamin c (powder) for a 6 months, to just build up my stores again.

Vitamin d. We mothers tend to spend loads of time inside and miss out on this essential vitamin. I was told time and time again by medical health professionals to go walking in the morning sun! SUNLIGHT = vitamin d. Their advice is very good, because vitamin d is an oily vitamin and needs time to sink into your skin. So the early morning light would have time to sink in before your shower.

So my way to 'help myself' out (other than medication and groups) was vitamin c + zinc powder for 6 + months, take a month off and then 5 months, month off, 4 months etc. And vitamin d liquid.

This has now taken me on another path of discovery. I now ask "why is this happening" to other complaints in our life.
Why is my child behaving like this? Why is my skin all scaly. etc
What is in the food my child is eating and why is it there? (colours, chemicals, preservatives etc) What is in the body wash? Why is it there when other countries have banned it?

I highly recommend asking why more often.
Bless you and yours.

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhhh Donna, What beautiful, insightful advice thank you so much I much prefer natural to synthetic - Thanks XX


I started reading this and smiled. I smiled because this is exactly how I was feeling a few weeks ago.

Here is my story:
Elliot arrived in our lives via emergency caesarean (traumatic birth is a PND trigger). After 5 days of early labour at home, 7 hours of labour in hospital (all drug free), I had shrunk from 8cm dialated to 6, baby was stuck and to continue would possibly mean complications so they caesared by beautiful bubby out of me. It was my decision to have the caesar to save him from any complications even though he was about 2 cm from crowning.

A week after I came home from hospital, we moved house. Our landlord was moving back after 5 years away. I had agonised over what colour to paint his room and had only 5 days to enjoy it (moving house is a PND trigger).

When he was 5 weeks, my husbands best friend and my close friend died of cancer (death is a PND trigger).

Things started going down hill after that.

At 3 months, after another incident of screaming my head off at my baby for crying, I went to the family clinic. Guess what my diagnosis was?? PND!

Anyway, with the support of my friends, family, GP, medication and support group I am on the mend.

We all have dark days, the key for me is to recognise that the illness of depression is making me have black thoughts.

I am not ashamed anymore so I am sharing this. I will not feel guilty or shameful that I am having a bad day.

The Imperfect Mum

So true darlin. Depression is not something we "choose" to feel.. X good on you! X

Nova Austin

My most AMAZING Sister (Kristy Vallely), friend, and my Berocca and clown when needed. Good on you for sharing with all of us! Realistically I think most people go through this type of thing at least at one point in there life, and others unfortunately are no so lucky and are forever in a battle. But most people don't share or even admit it to themselves that they are maybe having a struggle or that they they are simply not ok. That's when things spiral out of control! Once again you are helping others by sharing your journey, a very vulnerable move but one you do without to much hesitation. You go girl! Keep making a difference, I KNOW you will be OK. You are at a pivotal point of CHANGE and your going to ROCK IT when you start on your new journey!
Remember you have to RAIN before you can SHINE, we all do!
Love you! Love You! Love You and remember I will be right beside you!

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhhhhhh. My most FAVOURITE comment of all.. My Big sister! - Thank You so much.. I love you with all of my heart!


Been there and now out the other end. I still have days like that but now am able to recognize triggers and communicate with my husband so I have support to ensure I don't go down that horrible, dark tunnel again! I knew in myself that something was wrong but one hell or high water I was not going to admit it to anyone. My husband was the one who took me to the doctor (who wasn't great) but I finally was honest with myself and decided things couldn't go on like this. I did a lot of counseling and learnt how to communicate with my husband - which had helped tremendously. I now accept that it is an illness not something I deserve to have etc. I am a better person now as I accept myself and others without judgement and appreciate each day more. I can't praise you highly enough for seeking help! I am a firm believer that us 'Mums' need to talk honestly and free of judgement to each other. We need to let people know what is actually going on and as I have now learnt - people do want to help, you just need to ask. If they say no it's not no to you just to that particular thing you asked them. I have asked a friend for support to achieve a goal for the first time in my life and she did say yes, but I realize that if she'd said no that it wasn't a personal attack on me! Why oh why does it take so long to learn these important lessons.
Take care and one day at a time. Remember to look at all things and the success you have big and small.
big hugs xxxx

The Imperfect Mum

I will take care and I hope you do too - Together is better than alone huh!

alicias moments of gratitude

big hugs to you Kristy, that took bravey to write this, and I am sure your honest words have helped someone else out there admit that they are "not ok", you will get there hon, sending you a big hug in the meantime xx

The Imperfect Mum

Thank you beautiful! - You're such a kind, beautiful soul - Thanks so much! X


I remember clearly being diagnosed with post natal depression with my third child and sitting in the Doctor's office thinking " but I love my kids? I wouldn't harm them"
oh how uneducated was I on what depression actually was, Thankfully my doctor and maternity nurses saw and heard the signs.

As years rolled on and so did life that post natal depression became manic depression and so my cycle of psychologist, psychiatrist and medications began. There is no quick fix but it is all worth it in the end

The Imperfect Mum

Yep, It's always worth it in the end.. Thanks Danielle! X


I am where you say you are frequently. It is scary, terrifying in fact. After my ex left me when my youngest was 5mths old I thought my life was over. I had no job, no where to live, no stable income and dreaded the thought of my children coming from a broken home. I struggled for a long time with the idea of being a single mum but what I have learned is that I am actually a better mother now. I still beat myself up way too much but I have learnt that I am not alone in that and I have also learnt that it makes me human.
You are not shit, you are valuable, you are human!

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks so much Jen! - I appreciate your honesty.. Very refreshing!

Fiona @ My Mummy Daze

Love you Kirsty! Your honesty makes it so much easier for everyone else xxx Fi

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks so much Fi. Love you too!


I put "i'm fine" right up there with "i'm ok". Thanks for being so brave and honest Kristy. Xxxx

The Imperfect Mum

Yep, I'm afraid we all tend to say "i'm Ok" way to much... xx

Deb @ Aspiring Mum

My thoughts are with you Kristy. It's a hard journey, but know that you're not doing it alone. You are strong and I admire you for being so honest with your heart. Hopefully the light will shine for you soon.

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Thanks Deb! - you're beautiful! the light will be back, I just know it!

Easy Peasy Kids

Honey I'm here if you need anything at all xx

The Imperfect Mum

I know you are my sweetheart! X

Jackie Fairfull

Hey Kristy, very brave of you to post this. I have had depression since highschool hun (tho didn't figure this all out till much later) and like you I am that upbeat, functioning, happy girl. If ever you want to talk to someone who understands where you are at the moment, I am always free for a coffee. I am launching my own blog about my depression next week called "Mummy in Disguise". Last year when I started my gluten free blog I rushed in and it wasn't the right time or topic, but this time round, I am prepared - fresh out of my latest spiral down! Chin up, and keep talking. It has taken me a LONG time to talk and now that I am, I feel like I have a fighting chance of beating this demon. much love xoxoxoxoxo

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks so much my beautiful friend. Such kind beautiful words.. Let's do it together!


I stand up and applaud you for writing this. It must have been hard Kristy. You are such an upbeat kinda girl IRL that I'm sure it does surprise people. So glad you were brave enough to go to the Drs rather than struggle along alone. Yay you!!!!

The Imperfect Mum

Thanks so much Caz.. I really appreciate your beautiful words. X

Jodie - Muddled up Mumma

I know exactly what you mean. This was me 6 months ago. Depression doesn't necessarily equal sad. Hope you figure out what needs to happen soon.

The Imperfect Mum

Yes, I remember you going through this.. I'm glad your out the other side! X


I suffers from depression/anxiety. Hugs to you

The Imperfect Mum

Hugs back to you Lisa! X

Michelle - MumSpeak

My hugs to you. You are one of the most inspirational people I know. Your bravery never ceases to astonish me. Firstly you are brave for owning up to yourself and admitting that you are NOT ok and that you need help. That is a big step and takes major guts right there. Then to actually go to the doctor and seek help. A lot of people put that off and don't even get to that step. But you did. And that is brave. But you have also taken the huge step of sharing this with the world because you know that there are others out there, suffering in silence just like you. Just by sharing you are helping so many people, just like you, gather up the courage to do the same. You are such a special person - and you are a wonderful mother - and friend - and you amaze and inspire me day in and day out. I am proud to know you and I love you heaps! xx

The Imperfect Mum

Ohhh Michelle! Beautiful words - Thanks so much - Very lovely of you to say! XX