Am I making the right choice?

Anonymous

Am I making the right choice?

Hi all,

I’m a mum of a beautiful, clever, sensitive little 5 year old. It’s time to send them to school next year, and among all the obvious anxieties, we are having to choose a catholic v public school.
I am an atheist, I was raised to make up my own mind in a mixed family and that’s what happened. I always wanted to raise my child that way, to show them where and how to get information, and make decisions about the world based on that. I went to public schools and any kind of religious school was always out of the question.
Our local public school is huge, and what I’ve heard from parents is not good at all. A large part of the catchment area has quiet high drug activity and issues. Their academic results and rankings are also woeful (not that I care about that as much as my child’s social and emotional well-being).
The catholic school in the area has a fantastic reputation, I’ve had glowing reviews from staff and parents, the class sizes are small, they have so many programs and tailored learning to make sure no child is left behind. I’m actually drooling at the opportunities they present, music/extra curricular activities, I would have loved this all as a child, and I know my child would too.
My child nailed the interview and loved the principal, they were all so lovely and we saw all the kids entering the school being greeted by their first names, the kind of personalised community environment I never saw as a child. It was just brilliant. We also added that we have no religion in our application and it wasn’t an issue at all.

Now the only thing holding me back is the elephant in the room. We walked onto the grounds and there was a giant church in the middle. My son was already asking questions about the Jesus on the cross, which is great I love opportunities to talk about other religions and tolerance of differences. What I don’t want is my child to experience the guilt of religious teachings. I also don’t particularly like the church as an institution, very much disagree with their stance on almost everything (particularly LGBTI rights, reproductive rights, teachings about sex and sexuality, gender roles etc).
I have to add that I studied history and theology, I actually enjoy that aspect and approaching these teachings from an historical standpoint.

How do I reconcile this? Have any other atheists/non religious families sent their kids to catholic schools and what was your experience? I also don’t want to project my own insecurities on my child, they may not even care about much of this as the years go on. I feel like I don’t have much choice at the moment either way. What would you all do?

Posted in:  Parenthood Guilt, Education, Kids

11 Replies

Anonymous

It's a tough choice, isn't it!

This was my dilemma too. I'm not religious and I really loathed the idea of the catholic church having any baring on my children's education and moral compass.

Fortunately we moved just before my oldest began primary school, the public school in that area was an easy choice but before that we lived in a low socio-economic area and the public schools there looked like prisons. I'm not even kidding, the windows were caged in because they had a problem with local thugs smashing them, barbed wire fences, security cameras...
Dismal schools in terms of performance with so many kids from disadvantaged backgrounds, as a result there was many social and bullying issues etc. It sounds awful but my kids would not have coped in that environment at such a young age.
Had we not moved I would have applied for out of area exemptions, failing that I was going to use my mum's address to get my kids into her local public school. Absolute last resort would have been the catholic school.

We came to the same cross roads choosing a high school. We chose the public school because the catholic schools really went against our values so they weren't the right fit. Ultimately, it's actually done my kids well mixing with people from diverse backgrounds. And while they're currently only in year 7 and 8, they're doing well and most importantly they're happy.

I think you need to go with what your gut is telling you the right choice is and if it doesn't work out, there's no reason you can't move your daughter to another school.

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Anonymous

I'd pick the best fit school for your child. Where they will be happiest, safest and with a supportive environment. Where you feel happiest dropping them off.

Our city has a huge choice of both public and private schools. Most private schools are religious but most students are not. Some schools really push their ideals onto students. Some it's just a token mass or religious lesson.

For us, it was the local public, but our second choice was a small catholic school. High school will be private because the catchment high school is horrible. Religion, for us, is an issue only if the school affects their teaching. We're definitely not religious.

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Anonymous

You can always change schools at a later date if you find the one you find the one you go with doesn’t work for your child. When my eldest was in grade 5, his teacher told me not to send him to the local high school that had only been open for a few years at the time, he was too good for the school and wouldn’t be challenged enough academically. I couldn’t afford to send him to an independent/religious school and his father wouldn’t have helped pay for it (because “that’s what child support is for”). Enrolled him at the local school, he applied for and got into two excellence programs (had to choose only one) and could have gotten into a third program if he’d applied for it. I was going to let him do year 7 at the school and change schools in year 8 if needed. He’s now in year 12 and has thrived! He went with the engineering excellence program and has been doing extension maths and science classes since starting. He’s well on track to get a good ATAR to get him into his preferred uni course.

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Anonymous

Just remember that whatever choice you make doesn't have to be permanent. You can change schools. kids generally adjust very quickly xx

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Anonymous

Before my kids went to school I had the same dilemma. I was born and raised catholic and attended private catholic school, however I didn't want that for my children because of the religious aspect (I am now a science loving heathen) so they were sent to public schools. I now regret that decision and wish I had sent them to a school that was smaller and cared more about academics.
My advice is to choose the better school for your kids education, and maybe just have discussions as home about religion (different types etc) so your child can grow up with an open mind about it

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Anonymous

There are 5 various Catholic schools just around us, all really good...but I found it unconscionable to send a child to a Catholic school while we find the whole notion of Catholicism contrary to our core beliefs. I couldn't in good conscience send a child to a school where issues that we strongly believe in, are not aligned with that following. I didn't want them going to church or be pressured to participate in the religious practices.

So we drive a bit further to a fantastic public school 🤷‍♀️

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Anonymous

Unfortunately public schools in our city are extremely strict with out of area enrolments. I’ve already applied for 4 different public schools that are almost as close as the catchment school, and have been rejected 😞

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Anonymous

Have you actually had a tour or met with the principal of the public school?
To make an informed choice you really do need to visit both schools. Don't just rely on what youve heard!
You never know, you might be pleasantly surprised.

As a kid I went to the kind of school that had a bad rep. The funny thing was, that reputation and the negative stereotypes were perpetuated by people who had never actually stepped foot in the place!
In grade 5 my family moved and I ended up at a highly sought after school, I was so miserable there! So much bullying and elitist bullshit. I'd have taken my "bad" school any day...

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Anonymous

Thanks for the suggestion :) That’s totally true, I’ve been through something similar myself! I did contact them to ask about any opportunity to speak to someone and have some questions answered. A month later I got an email that basically just said the word no. It was so bizarre. I’ve also spoken to actual families who took their kids there, and teachers who worked there who said under no circumstance should I send my child there. I was desperate to be proven wrong to be honest haha

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Anonymous

I am Catholic although it is not a huge part of my life anymore. We haven't baptised our children.

We also have this choice of public school and Catholic school for our son for next year. We were 50/50 on both but we have had a prep experience day at the public school and the Teachers are lovely. They went through their learning schedule and behaviour management for the year. We are thoroughly impressed with the public school and have decided that is where we are sending our children.

I would also suggest going to the school and having a look around. Check if they have any experience days.

Also a very telling point is if the public school teachers send their own children to the school.

You can always try a year at either school and change to the other school if it doesn't suit your child

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Anonymous

My daughter went to Cath Ed as young ones - it offered everything we wanted and the Catholic ideals and morales correlated with our own ethics, even though we were not religious- honesty, fairness, charity, being helpful and going beyond your own environment to support others etc.
my youngest once said she believes in god Mon to Fri but has a break on the weekends 😂 in primary it didn’t bother me at all. Great opportunities and learning and yep, a paid education cuts out the riff raff…

Sadly in high school it is all about image and reputation- gardens are immaculate but behaviours not so- with that exclusion of the “riff raff” disappearing as these richer kids have more access to money and drugs, vapes and entitlement. Catholic Schools rarely expell (and don’t record their suspensions) as it reflects on their image and marketability -never forgot that their primary focus is as a business, not as an educator. Besides, it is the Bishop who has to tick the box to expel and well, I have never seen it happen.
Goodluck deciding. I would primary Catholic and look further afield for high school in 7years.

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