Engagement before divorce… thoughts?

Anonymous

Engagement before divorce… thoughts?

I’m wondering what other people’s thoughts are on getting engaged to a new partner before being divorced from a previous partner?

My partner (36 M) and I (40 F) have a 4 mth old daughter together. I have 4 children to my ex-husband and my partner has 2 children but they’re from a relationship prior to his ex-wife.

We have discussed getting married however he isn’t divorced from his ex-wife yet. He has told me he wants to get engaged sooner rather than later and this will help speed up the divorce process.

The thing is, they haven’t filed for divorce but have been discussing their intent to with each other. There’s a couple of things that need to be done in order to lodge the paperwork.

I understand there’s nothing illegal about getting engaged before being officially divorced and of course we can’t get legally married until that happens but I’m just wondering how people feel about being in my situation? Would you feel comfortable doing this? I will add that his ex-wife is also in another long-term relationship.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

9 Replies

Anonymous

I mean you already have a child.
Why haven’t they just divorced already?
I’m not sure why you wouldn’t get engaged - before or after at this stage.

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Anonymous

You have a baby. Why would getting engaged bother you now?

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Anonymous

I wouldn't be comfortable having a baby with someone who was not yet divorced but I guess that ship has sailed...

I think what really stands out to me is that he's basically saying he wants to get engaged asap so it gives him a kick in the pants regarding his divorce. It's not "I love you so much and I want to spend my life with you", it's "If we get engaged, it will move divorce proceedings along".
Romantic 🙄

If I were in your position I wouldn't be agreeing to engagement purely based on that! You get divorced then we'll talk!

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Anonymous

Look once you’ve had a baby before divorce, engagement, marriage it seems not necessary to worry about what order you do things, UNLESS

You think he has been dragging his feet on the divorce and has no intentions of going through with it. If he won’t divorce for a baby, why would he divorce?

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Anonymous

Engagement has no impact on divorce. So he's essentially saying it will motivate him to get a divorce. I feel so sorry for you.

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Anonymous

You had a baby to a guy still married to another woman.
My ex did that, I was the one who instigated the divorce, because yuk, I didn’t even have a new partner.
Not sure why you care about getting engaged at this point, when you had a baby, sanctity of marriage obviously not important to either of you?

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Anonymous

Woah the 1920s want their attitude back! Sanctity of marriage is surely only important if the married couple are still in a relationship?

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Anonymous

As a second wife, I personally wouldn’t have been happy to be engaged if the divorce hasn’t been finalized.
But neither was my husband. He would never have gotten engaged if the divorce wasn’t finished.

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Anonymous

For myself, I wouldn't be comfortable getting engaged or starting a family to someone before they are divorced.
I would want that part of their old relationship closed and ready to start fresh.

But as you already have a child together and he is obviously committed to you now, I don't think it really matters

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