Shared finances

Anonymous

Shared finances

I desperately need some advice…

How do you all sort out your finances?
Background: My husband and I have been fighting for months about our finances. Who pays for what? 50/50 or 60/40?
We have tried different methods and we still haven’t worked out the best way for our family. I want to feel like I’m contributing but I feel like I’m paying more and unable to save like he is able too. We have separate bank accounts. Separate savings accounts. We have full access to all accounts so we can see the in’s and out’s so there is no secrets of any kind it’s just how we have always done it (16 years). But lately all we do is fight about bills, who pays more, who spending more or who’s not saving enough. He gets paid more then I do, considerably and this recent fighting is making me question our relationships and trust.
Any advice is really appreciated. Thanks!!

Posted in:  Money

14 Replies

Anonymous

Show him how much he would pay in child support and how much he would have in assets and savings if you were to walk and take half. I think in your circumstance finances should be shared, 16 years and I presume kids? How other people do it is irrelevant because they might not have the same circumstances, example my partner and I have separate but we don't have kids together, just to other partners. There's also a few assets that won't be shared if there was a split so it's just less of a headache to keep separate. When I was with my ex we shared finances, we had kids together and everything we had was shared. This should be the same for you and legally it is seen that way.

like
Anonymous

The barefoot investor is what finally got my husband and I on the same page. For some reason that book got through to my husband what I’d been trying to tell him for years. It could work even with seperate accounts. Each of you splits your wage 60% to a joint account where all bills and expenses comes from, 10% as fun money, 10% for longer term goals like a holiday, 20% to savings

like
Anonymous

Why have his and hers? Have a joint account and both have 100% responsibility for all bills and all savings.

like
Anonymous

Until you see your finances as the families finances versus his and hers you are going to continue to have this fight.
All the money goes in the one pot. The bills all get paid out of that pot. You have joint savings etc. You work as a team.

Who wants to have large savings while watching there partner struggle? Not me

like
Anonymous

We're a family that has separate finances.
What works for us is half each of the shared bills and then responsible for own bills, but we're both on good incomes.

Back when he was an adult apprentice my partner only paid half the mortgage and his fuel/rego expenses. I paid everything for the shared bills, his mobile phone and our sons expenses. Doing so meant my partner still had money left over. It was tight for both of us at that time, and some fortnight's I didn't have much left but there was fuel in my car to get to work, food on the table and we got through it.

As a lower income earner you need to be paying a % of your income, not a % of the bills. Paying half each isn't equality when one is left with less. Your husband is selfish.

like
Anonymous

Easy. One account, both pays go in there and have one savings account.
If you are already seeing each others bank accounts then why keep everything seperate?
If you really want your own account still then just transfer X amount of funds to your account but have both pays go into one account. You are marries so everything should be shared and equal

like
Anonymous

Married for 20 years and always had a joint account. Both our wages are paid into this account and all expenses come out of said account. We have seperate accounts which our ‘allowance’ is paid into and we have a joint credit card for fuel which is paid off in full each month. 20% of our total income is put into a savings account each month and the balance covers of living expenses, allowance etc.We also have an emergency fund of $5k which we haven’t had to drawn on in the last 5 years. If either of us wants to make a purchase of over $400 we discuss it first and usually use the credit card. We have never had any issues.

like
Anonymous

What's the bigger issue here? If it's worked for 16 years, why is it all of a sudden a problem? If your finances are separate, why are there fights over one person spending too much or not saving enough - why is it the other person's business?

What I would do, is list out the money that YOU have paid for groceries, house stuff and kids (if you have them) - because it's ALWAYS the woman / mum that buys the milk every two days, buys the kid's new shoes, the toilet paper if it runs short, the kid's notebooks and hats they lost etc.
Once you add it up, it comes to a lot.
My partner and I go 50/50 on bills, but he pays more rent to even up all the "incidentals" that I pay for.
He earns a lot more than I do, but I have more savings because he's still financially getting over his past divorce, pays child support etc.
Once we buy a place together, we plan on having a joint account for bills, all "savings" will go into the mortgage, and separate allowances.

like
Anonymous

Hubby and I have seperate accounts, he earns way more than I do, we pay 50/50 but he's really sensible with money, and his savings usually go towards stuff we both need, holidays ect. If he wants to buy something substantial for himself its a discussion between us. I love how we do it, I know I'm more of a spender than him, and because we have seperate accounts it doesn't bother him so long as the bills get paid haha.

like
Nikki Briant

My hubby and I have been together since we were 19 ( now 45) & we have always had separate accounts and it drives me NUTS. I have no access to his account so right now I am not working as I'm staying at home with youngest child and me having to text or call him at work to send me $20 is just shit. Nothing has ever been fair, well not to me anyways, he's all good & he gets up me for not contributing when he yells at me that it's not my house because it's in his name and he pays the mortgage from his account.

All I can say is sort it out now, or in 12 years time you will still be fighting over it

like
Anonymous

I am a stay at home mum at the moment but we also have separate accounts and been together 16 years. We have 2 kids.

My husband has always and will always make more money that I do.

Before the kids we were 60/40 on expenses with him paying more, now he pays for everything. When the kids are at school and I can work again, we will go back to our 60/40 if I work full time or 70/30 - 80/20 depending on hours/wage. We are a family and he will not let us/me suffer.

We both have access to the others bank accounts. We both have savings but if I needed money, he will transfer money to me.
This works well for us but we are both flexible and are open to changing things a needed

like
Anonymous

I couldn’t even imagine this. We’ve been together for 17 years, married for 10 and a joint account for the last 13 years- and that was pre kids.
Cannot fathom the thought of his vs hers ever.
I manage the bills and payments, pay them fortnightly. When I was on mat leave for our 3 kids, 1 year each child- I still managed the finances. Fancy watching you partner struggle and stress while you’re living the high life

like
Anonymous

Although you couldn't fathom it, for some it works perfectly.
My partner is a spender, he knows it. With access to a joint account he'd clean it out without even meaning to.

like
Anonymous

I have never understood people who do this, you are meant to be a team when you have children. All money should be pooled to ensure the best outcomes for the children. Have an amount you get to spend each. Far out I've earned more than my partner for years, now he earns more than me. When one is mostly home, it a ridiculous set up to me.

like