My 2.5yr old has absolutely broken me.
He is our first born and we’ve just bought home his new brother. I do understand that we’ve absolutely flipped his world upside down by bringing home a sibling for him.
My husband and I are trying to spend as much 1:1 time with him and do things that are just for him but it always ends up with him not listening, screaming, throwing things etc
I know these are age appropriate things but every single day is a fight and I’m so over it.
If it was a few days a week I’d be fine dealing with it but every single day has worn me thin and I’m in tears.
When he throws things, hurts his brother etc we do discipline him but it goes in one ear and out the other and he’s back to doing whatever he was doing.
We tried gentle parenting techniques, time outs, redirection (works occasionally) but nothing seems to work.
He’s extremely defiant and will not let down. He seems to be a gem for everyone else and as soon as he comes home, he’s an absolute terror for my husband and I.
I’m at a point where I don’t even want him anymore and it completely breaks my heart writing that but I’m so mentally exhausted from the fight :(
I don’t really know what I’m asking but does it get better? I don’t know what to do anymore.
A broken mum.
6 Replies
I was in your position. It was tough. Speak to your maternal health nurse about your feelings. PND can impact your feelings and tolerance of your toddlers too.
It definitely DEFINITELY gets better.
Was he like this before? It sounds like a really major shift if it’s absolutely constant? And that to me says a child that’s really struggling. Does he calm after an episode and you guys have a calm activities together, give him a warm milk and a bubble bath and have a nice snuggle and talk about how nice he is and how much you Love him. Those moments are really, really important. We have an ignore strategy we use at school. If it’s not life threatening, ignore the behaviour and keep speaking calmly and positively ie) well mickeys going to break the table if he keeps climbing on it. I’m going to make Mickey a cheese sandwich and maybe some strawberries but he has to hop down from there and come to the kitchen. I know Mickeys a great climber, maybe we can go to the park with the climbing frame tomorrow, to show off those climbing skills’
They hear you, when they’re being defiant, and your words can escalate the fury but can also bring them down.
They are so little they need you to turn it around first, so you do that by pouring positivity and love into them even at their worst.
Get your husband to take him out for the day and do things with him or you. Take in turns. Spend time at the park or send him to a family members for a break. Reach out and seek professional help and advice. It’s about how you react also and after having a baby your emotional and it’s hard. Try to ignore him. Turns the lights out in the day, put a movie on with him and lay down together and chill. He may calm down a bit or get him an iPad if it’s going to make your life easier. My kids don’t have one but I’m extreme cases like this, it might chill him out and it’s something you can punish him with by takin it away. Put some relaxing games on it or educational apps. He is probably adjusting himself to this new world of his.
My first born was 2 years and 2 months when we had our second baby.
I made a special box for him with his favourite TV characters. It had colour in books, stickers, reading books, playdough. We also gave him one of our old phones with ABC KIDS and other age appropriate educational apps on it for him and he was allowed to have his special box when I was feeding baby.
He had his own baby doll to look after and I think that helped a lot too.
We also got him involved with helping us with his sister. He would get me nappies and wipes at change time. Get me the nappy rash cream. Rub moisturiser on bubs arms and legs. Pick out the clothes for her to wear in the mornings or when she needed a change. We didn't bottle feed but if we had of, I would have let him sit with me a feed her a bottle
Then when baby was sleeping we would do something special together like painting or baking a cake, cupcakes or dad would take him to the playground, so I could have a nap with baby. But most of the time he just wanted to sit and cuddle with me
Firstly, you're killing if Mumma.
Secondly, sleep deprivation can be hard
Thirdly, pleasd go speak to your GP incase it is more than the baby blues. PND can make it hard ro see past the fog.
If this is new it sounds like maybe the 2.5 year old is struggling with unmet needs.
I’ve got 4 kids so totally understand how difficult it is to meet everyone’s needs all the time and little ones don’t understand.
First of all you need a break. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Go get a massage, your nails/hair done, coffee with friends or even something as simple as a nap!
Come back to the 2.5 year old with a fresh sense of calm and maybe you will notice something you have previously missed.
If it’s not a new thing I’d look into medical causes. I have a 6 year old who has suffered with silent reflux for almost his entire life and has very different and complex sensory needs to my 3 other children. This can result in uncontrollable rage from him but I know if that happens that either A: he’s overwhelmed and we need to address his sensory needs or B: his reflux is playing up (maybe he skipped a snack) and needs to be addressed.
Good luck. Raising humans isn’t easy x