How do I leave?

Anonymous

How do I leave?

Hello.
So I have been with my partner 13 years and have 3 kids together. Not married or engaged. I'm not in love with him but he is completely in love with me. I dont want to be with him anymore but I also feel sick when I think about breaking up with him and doing the whole broken family 2 homes thing. But I am beyond unhappy being with him. I cant even pretend to be affectionate or loving with him, it makes my skin crawl. There's not really any reason for it, I'm just not in love and I feel absolutely depleted of any energy after taking care of my kids but he still wants love and affection. I have no sexual attraction to him to the point I question if I'm not interested in men at all!
I seriously just don't know what to do anymore! I've felt like this for a long time and stayed for his sake to keep him and the kids happy.
I know its as simple as just leaving.. But why can't I just do it?

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

7 Replies

Anonymous

You need to read the book ‘everyone you hate is going to die’ by Daniel Sloss. He talks about relationships in such a real way but he’s also a comedian, and he just resonated with me and my friends and I was able to push forward. His Netflix shows changed my thinking in a profound way.
Try changing your mind set, and if you do t have time to read a book, get the audio book version! Worth it

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Anonymous

Broken families....
The real irony in that statement is that separation is usually what fixes a broken family and I say that as a child of divorce!

There's no honour in staying for the kids sake, you're not doing them any good long term by staying in a miserable, loveless relationship. You're there but you're not present or engaged, that's not fair and I'd be very surprised if your partner/kids don't sense it.

If you're unequivocally done, you need to start making the next steps. The longer things get drawn out, the harder and more painful it will be for everyone.

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Anonymous

It's time to go. If there's no way you think this can be fixed, then you need to leave for your own mental health. It'll break his heart, and that's awful and you'll feel terrible about it, but in the long term it'll be better for him than loving someone who quietly loathes him. The longer you stay, the worse you will get, because the resentment of feeling stuck will just escalate and you'll start to lash out.
I'm sure you'll find he already knows the score, he just doesn't want to face up to it.
As a child of divorce myself, I can say the first 6 months or so are rough, but after that it's much better for the kids to have two happy homes than one miserable one.
Don't fool yourself, the kids know. I don't care how much you try to hide it from them and put on a happy face, they know.
So don't teach them to stay in an unhappy situation. Show them the strength to walk away from things that make them miserable.

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Anonymous

I could have written this exact post. It's so worth it trust me, leaving was extremely hard for me too but i did it. I now have an amazing man and to feel the way he makes me feel, it was so damn worth it! Only wish I'd done it sooner! Kids are resilient.

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Anonymous

Omg I could have written this myself!!! 13 years in, no marriage or engagement, 3 kids and I can't shake the feeling that there's something better out there, someone who just treats me better. Anyway, I'm. So sorry you're going through this, I wish I had answers, but I'm sending love your way and. I'm so glad you had this outlet to come too xxx

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Anonymous

This is me exactly.
Only difference is 11yr & 4kids.
I walked out 6wks ago & its been great! I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My kids tho a little out of routine & still adjusting to days at dads & my new place, they are still great!
Honestly, i stayed about 5 yrs longer then i should have "for my kids" & they gained nothing from it. They knew i wasn't happy, & dad was always on the xbox ignoring them.

Its not as simple as just leaving, its super hard to do.

I wish you all the best!! I hope you find happiness and do whats best for you too ♡

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Anonymous

I don’t understand the people who are posting with the comments inferring that the only reason you want to leave is because you are depressed?!
I am not minimising depression by any means but Come on, the one thing we do need in this world is women supporting women. Just because a woman does not feel in love with her partner doesn’t mean there is something wrong with her!! Some men are just bloody hard work. Or annoying. Or whatever.
It’s totally normal to not feel in love with your partner. Some women are lucky to be in a loving relationship, but many many women aren’t and do stay out of guilt, or for the kids, or lack of financial security, or whatever.
Follow your gut. Listen to your heart.
Don’t stay out of guilt or societal expectation. It’s not worth it.
Good luck x

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