How do I leave?

Anonymous

How do I leave?

Hello.
So I have been with my partner 13 years and have 3 kids together. Not married or engaged. I'm not in love with him but he is completely in love with me. I dont want to be with him anymore but I also feel sick when I think about breaking up with him and doing the whole broken family 2 homes thing. But I am beyond unhappy being with him. I cant even pretend to be affectionate or loving with him, it makes my skin crawl. There's not really any reason for it, I'm just not in love and I feel absolutely depleted of any energy after taking care of my kids but he still wants love and affection. I have no sexual attraction to him to the point I question if I'm not interested in men at all!
I seriously just don't know what to do anymore! I've felt like this for a long time and stayed for his sake to keep him and the kids happy.
I know its as simple as just leaving.. But why can't I just do it?

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

3 Replies

Anonymous

You need to read the book ‘everyone you hate is going to die’ by Daniel Sloss. He talks about relationships in such a real way but he’s also a comedian, and he just resonated with me and my friends and I was able to push forward. His Netflix shows changed my thinking in a profound way.
Try changing your mind set, and if you do t have time to read a book, get the audio book version! Worth it

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Anonymous

Broken families....
The real irony in that statement is that separation is usually what fixes a broken family and I say that as a child of divorce!

There's no honour in staying for the kids sake, you're not doing them any good long term by staying in a miserable, loveless relationship. You're there but you're not present or engaged, that's not fair and I'd be very surprised if your partner/kids don't sense it.

If you're unequivocally done, you need to start making the next steps. The longer things get drawn out, the harder and more painful it will be for everyone.

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Anonymous

It's time to go. If there's no way you think this can be fixed, then you need to leave for your own mental health. It'll break his heart, and that's awful and you'll feel terrible about it, but in the long term it'll be better for him than loving someone who quietly loathes him. The longer you stay, the worse you will get, because the resentment of feeling stuck will just escalate and you'll start to lash out.
I'm sure you'll find he already knows the score, he just doesn't want to face up to it.
As a child of divorce myself, I can say the first 6 months or so are rough, but after that it's much better for the kids to have two happy homes than one miserable one.
Don't fool yourself, the kids know. I don't care how much you try to hide it from them and put on a happy face, they know.
So don't teach them to stay in an unhappy situation. Show them the strength to walk away from things that make them miserable.

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