Dying relationship.
Myself and my partner have 2 beautiful children. They are the light of our lives and we would do absolutely anything for them (as any parent would).
He works full time, I work from home and 1 day in the office/ community. I don’t have a car, so use his when needed. He brings in majority of the income, he pays for rent and groceries, we equally pay the other bills, children’s clothes/ what they need etc.
As of late, the relationship between myself and my partner has fizzed, and I feel like I’m holding on to the last strand to try and repair this, but I know in my heart that I need to leave not only for my own self, but I believe I’m wasting precious minutes in life that I could be spending bettering myself and our children’s lives.
Many factors contribute to this:
- I do everything alone, when I say alone I mean without him/ or his help so to speak.
- Weekdays I’m cooped up at home working and caring for our babies, the housework easily gets looked over while I focus on the more important things. I get whined and and told I’m lazy. Questions get asked from him like ‘do you think I should be coming home to clean this house’ etc.
- when the weekend comes, he stays home and sleeps because it’s his weekend and he’s tired. I TOTALLY GET THAT, HE’S BEEN WORKING ALL WEEK!!! But it’s so disheartening when he refuses to join us. He cancels his invite/ pulls out of events/ functions last minute leaving me and the kids to go solo.
- I’ve tried to suggest date night once a fortnight/ monthly to see if that works and I’m always rejected - it’s either he’s tired, there’s no money, baby sitter, we will go next weekend etc etc.
I’m at a loss as to how to leave. I really am. Leaving will be the hardest part, not only because we will be no longer. But because I have NOTHING.
I have no car, no savings, a low paying job, a maxed our credit card, we’re in the middle of a rental crisis - can barely afford rent as it is, as well as bond and I fear of not having anywhere to go. Everything in this house will have to stay, as I can’t take it anything with me as I don’t even have a new rental to take over tenancy there.
I’m in no way experiencing DV, so I don’t know what other help networks are available to gain help financially if there even are any?
What I’m asking is, WHERE THE F DO I START? What is the first step!? Please help me, I really need some guidance.
1 Replies
Theres so much here and i wish i could have a conversation with you rather than a typed message. Have you got anyone you can talk to about this? Friend? Sister/mother?
From the info given it feels like there is a chance this marriage can be saved as it seems as though you guys have just lost your spark which is understandable given you have small kids and weve been in a pandemic for nearly 2 years. Having little kids is the hardest time in a marriage as there is little time for yourselves.
If you want to stay then start saving for a small car for yourself, being isolated is bound to cause resentment. Maybe look for more work so you can feel more financially independent and then pay for a house cleaner! Of course you would also need to lots of honest conversations with your husband and see if hes on board with you to make changes.
However if there is more to this that you havent written and you know you want out then you can start applying for rentals, look for a better paying job and apply for assistance through centrelink. Or ask him for a seperation and ask him to move out - given he would have a better chance at getting a rental, being employed full time and on his own.
Or you could do both. Approach your hubby with your issues and concerns and hopefully he will want to start working them out, at the same time start saving some money, do your research and see what assistance you could get