Hi sisters,
I have a 9 yrs old daughter who has had nothing to do with her farther ( his choice) he refused to sign the birth certificate because his mother convinced him my daughter wasn't his. Hence her having my last name.
I now have a beautiful caring partner that has been the farther figure for me daughter. She calls him dad and he does everything for her...we are exciting a baby in early Feb..
He has recently asked me if my daughter can have his last name so all children have the last name..Im over the moon and it was very unexpected.
My question is for him to adopted or for me to change her last name does her biological farther get a say or will I have no problem is going so..
Any advice would be greatly appreciated..Please no negative comments.
Cheers
10 Replies
This is not your partners choice and he doesn't have a right to ask. What is wrong with her having your last name? This is her identity. I have known a few people that change step kids surnames to match the new partner then separated and the poor kid gets left with a name it has no ties to whatsoever. Even one that adopted his stepdaughter and when the mother took off with a new man he kept his bio daughter in his care and sent his adopted daughter to live with her grandparents. It's a massive commitment adopting a child, more so than marriage and the only time I would contemplate it is if the new partner had a very active parental role in the child's life from the baby/toddler stage up and the child had no other parent in their lives whatsoever. If they just have a normal step parent role then sorry that's not good enough to say yes to adoption.
It’s not up to your partner. But it’s more complicated than you might think to change her name. It will depend on wether bio father has acknowledged paternity elsewhere. If there was a DNA test/stat declaration acknowledging paternity/child support can all complicate these issues.
Also great relationships sometimes end, and partners do sometimes abandon the children they ‘took on as there own’. You need to think through all the possibilities no matter how negative and positive and do what’s best for your daughter, not get caught up in the romantic notion of changing her name. Step parent adoption in Australia is rarely done and approved of anymore, it’s extremely expensive, time consuming and the same protections (like custody if you died) can be arranged cheaper and faster through other means.
So if you do want to change her name, then I’d do that as a simple name change, but you should talk to your local births, deaths and marriages office about the specific process for you.
He's not on the birth certificate so no, he gets no say. Legally no say .
Morally, ask your 9 year old what she would like to do. It's a lovely gesture from your partner but it's important she has a say as she is old enough to have an opinion on this.
Just leave it alone. He's your partner, not hers.
"I'm over the moon" 🙄🙄🙄
Before you go any further, ask yourself what's or whom is missing from your thought process...
My partner inherited his step fathers surname when he was about 4, his mother's marriage fell apart when he was around 10 and he never saw his step dad again. He had to wait til he was 18 to change it back, it caused him all kinds of grief.
Both of my children had their names changed to my (now) exes last name, despite being separated over 6 years they still carry his name with pride and he still sees them every week.
I was able to apply as I have sole parental responsibility and at the time didn’t need to seek further court permission or their biological father’s permission, even though he is on their birth certificate.
We thought we’d be together forever and had just married which prompted the name change (bio father no contact still to this day). My kids are 20 and 17 now.
We looked at adoption as being the alternative and despite not having contact we knew their father would fight to prevent it from happening. Biologically father last saw my kids 13 years ago.
Do I recommend it? Well that depends on if your think come separation (if it ever happens) if he was to leave the child and never see her again. I knew in my heart ex would love my kids like his own till the day he dies. To this day this is still the case.
That's not his decision, what's wrong with her having your last name? Or the baby too? Maybe he should change his to yours 🤷♀️
Its a beautiful thought of your new partner to want your daughter to have his last name. She may feel left out of she didnt. Have you asked her if she would like that. At 9 she may like to have a say.
biological father is an idiot by the sounds of it. He misses out on a beautiful girl no doubt. If he doesn't want anything to do with her or have his name on the birth certificate then I wouldn't bother asking him
It's been 9yrs of him not caring.
We have spoken to my daughter and she wants to take my partners last name...my partner is the only farther she has know...he came into her life when she was 8 months old...she dosent know any different..she know that he aint her real dad and know all about her bio farther. we have kept nothing from her...the door has always been opened for her bio farther but he has never used it...
God there’s some salty people on here lol! If your 9 year old wants to do it then do it! I think people have answered your question regarding the legality. Blood doesn’t make you a father.