Unhappy

Anonymous

Unhappy

Hi IM’s. I need some help. Or just a little light shed on how I’m feeling.

My husband and I have been together nearly 20 years. Since I was 15. We have kids and a house. But I’m just not in love with him anymore. And I have felt like this on and off for nearly 10 years. I have tried so hard to reconnect. Find that feeling again and I just can’t. But I love and respect him too much to hurt him by leaving. But I’m just not IN love with him. He is an amazing Dad and provider etc (we both work full time) I have told him countless times that I am not happy but it gets ignored. I feel like I am stuck being unhappy forever. Like I’m never going to really enjoy a relationship with someone. I can’t talk to my husband because he isn’t a great talker. He isn’t my best friend. And I’m craving that. I don’t know what to do. It’s getting harder and I feel like I’m getting sadder and sadder and I can’t see a way out. How do I end things and it be amicable? I want more than anything to be able to co-parent with him. I want to be happy. Am I being selfish? Do I just stick it out for the kids? Or am I just setting a bad example for the kids? Teaching them that staying in a relationship when you’re unhappy is just what you do? I hate the thought of the kids being unhappy for the sake of it.

Help a sista out 😭

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt

5 Replies

Anonymous

As a kid whos mum stayed for our sake please don't.
My suggestion so him what you've written.
Be honest tell him you care for and respect him but you deserve happiness and deserve to love and be loved

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Anonymous

I follow this 'influencer' on Instagram who has been in a relationship with her man for many years and they have 3 kids, and they ended up breaking up and co-parenting for 3 years, then got back together and seem to be stronger and happier than ever.. Neither of them dated or slept with anyone else in those three years - they just worked on themselves heaps, and then somehow fell back in love.. Not sure if this is helpful advice but maybe some space would help you clarify things a bit more in regards to your husband? Definitely don't stay being unhappy......life's too short for that :-) All the best with your decisions xx

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Anonymous

Good men are hard to find.
I know everyone will tell you life’s short, but the grass isn’t always greener out there.
Are you sure you aren’t just stuck in ground hog day?
Work, kids, housework.
Before you leave, maybe try doing something different, take up a hobby, do some study, something to energise you, something just for you, see if that helps?
If it doesn’t, you’re free to leave at any time.
He’s happy, he obviously doesn’t want to break up, so you’re going to have to take action and do it, not tell him and wait for him to give you his permission/blessing. The convo will have to be action orientated, I want to separate, I will be moving out on such and such date, to such and such, what kind of custody are you seeking, I think such and such is fair etc

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Anonymous

As someone who was a single mum for years I say work on your relationship. Find that spark again. Go out for date nights, spice things up in the bedroom, go and visit places you've never gone to and do things you've never done before. Have fun together. At least give it your all before you give it up.

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Anonymous

It’s a hard one. However if you have been feeling this way for ten years that maybe that’s your answer. In saying that though I believe that when you make the commitment to marry someone - you aren’t always completely “IN” love, I think you fall in and out of love at times but you couldn’t imagine your life without them.. I don’t think it’s all about being in love all of the time. Marriage is fucking hard. Sometimes I miss the feeling of being single and going out and having no responsibility and by sometimes I miss that a lot. I’ve spoken with my husband and told him I just get over it all sometimes. I know though deep down that him and our family are where I’m meant to be and I have no intention of breaking that. I am lucky though because although my husband shits me to tears a lot of the time I can always count on him to make time for me to have a girls weekend or go out and have a great night. It doesn’t always happen but he is always encouraging me to have fun. Can you do something like this? Do you think it’s possible for you to be happy with your husband? I think that your happiness is the most important thing and if making smaller changes to your lives and trying have some you time doesn’t help then ultimately just do what is going to be the best thing for you. Your children will want to see their Mum happy xx The rest will fall into place xx

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